When I was a teen, I learned that I had PCOS and that I would likely struggle to get pregnant. My doctors rutienly told me the earlier I tried for a family the better.
I met my husband in High School. I was always honest with him about my fertility problems. We went through college together and married at 22. My goal was to have a family early.
It never really happened for us, we also never really got extra fertility help. We struggled financially for a while because of the recession…
When things started to turn around for us, I suddenly became very ill. It started with trips to the oncologist for high platelets. High platelets turned into Rheumatic Disease at age 25. For the first 1.5 years I chose very conservative treatments, but then at 28 I fell very ill.
I suffered kidney failure, septic shock, and rhabdo twice in a 45 day period of time. I went through 6 surgeries in 90 days. Ultimately I ended up with chronic inflammatory muscle disease… and I will be needing more surgery soon to deal with more kidney issues.
By 30 I had to make the difficult decision to treat my Rheumatic Disease with more serious medications, preventing me from the slightest ability to conceive.
Now… our friends have finally cought up to us in the marriage department and they’re all starting to have families. I feel left out, for certain- but my body has failed me and my marriage. I truly do not feel I have the strength to take care of a child (even if I were to adopt) and I know my husband does not desire to take on all of that responsibility (including caring for me) alone.
I’m so worried about him. We both set out with l
so many life plans when we were younger. You plan, God laughs. I feel so sad for him… I feel like I’ve failed him. I feel like he is missing out on an amazing adventure because I got sick. I see him look at our friends children and I feel so empty like I’ve robbed him of fatherhood.
He never makes me feel guilty- he’s an excellent husband and we have made my care/medication choices together… but out of necessity to keep me alive… it’s just a hard place to be.
I’m just looking for strength from other women who have been through this type of ordeal.