Co-workers don't know about 6 month old baby

Hi,

I have been with my company for almost 2 years. When I first started, I had two kids 6 and 1 years olds. While at work, I did not tell anyone that my family was expecting a third child. Since then, I have been promoted and my third child is 6 months old. Now, I don’t know what to do.

I work in accounting in a corporate environment. There have been a couple of levels of corporate structure changes to cut cost and “stay lean”. I have had 3 different bosses since I started; colleagues have been terminated, managers have left. At first, I was glad that I did not tell anyone about my 3rd kid because of all the craziness going on. Now things are more stable and I have been promoted. But I feel kind of lost about what to do. I have been asked a couple of times how many kids I have and I feel bad about lying. Plus I am thinking my supervisor and management knows. I wonder if I could get fired for this.

I have developed REALLY good relationships with my co-workers. Its tough having to keep my personally life so discrete.

This job was a big step up for my career and especially with the the promotion 4 months ago. I figure I will work a couple of more months and then find another job and start over. Its tough because I am doing well and get along with everyone.

I have not told co-workers because, I people were already shocked I had two kids at age of 29. I started off at entry level pay and my wife does not work. I am paid very competitively then and now, but I did not want to be judged about my personal life.

My plan is to sit for my CPA in the next year and continue to provide for my family. Please pray for me and my family. Thanks.

Don’t lie, but don’t feel the need to out your personal life out there. You were hired to do a job and as long as you do your job that’s what really counts.

There is nothing shocking about having 3 children at the age of 29. That’s in fact a good age to be increasing your family.
It’s really none of anyone else’s business, but if it comes up again, you could just mention casually --oh, didn’t I tell you we had another one a few months ago? Mom and baby are doing fine.
You don’t have to be specific about the age, and 6 months is still young enough that people probably won’t notice he’s a little older than they expected at the company picnic.
I can’t keep track of my co-workers families and we talk about them all the time. If anybody’s shocked I suspect they are weird,
It’s when you have five or six that they start to get surprised, but it’s none of their business then either.
God bless.

I have been asked a couple of times how many kids I have and I feel bad about lying.

“…tell the truth and shame the devil”!
Do not lie! It is always best to tell the truth.
If you have been lying, or just avoiding the truth, then the sooner you tell your boss that you in fact have a third child , the better for all concerned.

Your home life has nothing to do with your job. Who cares if you have 1 child or 10 children. Its nobody’s business. However, if you do want to make it known, put a photograph of your 3 children on your desk and if anyone asks give them a casual “Yes” to having 3 kids.

:thumbsup:

Why would you fear for your job because you have 3 kids instead of 2? What kind of place would that be to work at? And how could you in effect deny your own child. Even to a stranger?

This is odd.

There is no job I know of that requires you to disclose the number of children, marital status, or absence of children. In fact I am pretty sure that even asking those questions pertaining to hiring/firing is illegal. So no issue there.

If coworkers ask, just tell them three, and if they express surprise, tell them the baby just came along, 6 months is very recent.

My husband was the father of three at the age of 27. People may express surprise, but what of it?

I will pray for you and your family, and also your co-workers. The corporation where I work is quite full of people with strong opinions on family size as well. Often, during a meet and greet situation, my boss “outs” me and suggests I tell them “how many kids you have.”

It is annoying, yes - but also a great opportunity to witness. We are strangers here, after all.

My only question about this is the insurance. Don’t you have to at least tell HR that there was a new addition?

As far as everyone else goes, who cares what they think!?

~Sariah

I think I will post a family picture on my desk and just casually answer any questions.

We have some company events and holidays so I think now would be a good time. Hopefully it won’t be a big deal and no one gets hurt that I did not share this with them earlier.

I did tell HR and updated insurance. I know that I did not have to disclose my personal info and performance comes first. I just don’t like lying and avoiding the truth in anyway. After reading everyone’s advice I have the courage to be honest and to deal with whatever happens.

Thanks again for the advice and prayers.

I get that work is work and homelife are separate, but I do think it’s odd. You told nobody at work your wife is expecting? I guess I think it’s more sad than odd. in my expierience when people are shocked by the number of kids I have, it’s more in a happy way than in horror. Often, it’s because I “don’t look like I have 4 kids”. I think I have only had someone say something like that to me in as obnoxious way once.and that woman never married or had children and tended to be a bit rough anyway. I am sorry you felt the need to keep it secret.

"You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” *Eleanor Roosevelt *

This is one of my favorite quotes. I think because I have found it to be very true. I have often worried about what other people were thinking, or what other people could possibly think. The fact is that most people are quite wound up in their OWN lives, and probably care very little or think very little about what is going on in your life.

It sounds like there has been quite a bit of turnover in your department too. It’s not as if you have had a close relationship with one person, you have had three supervisors in less than two years? Also you mentioned that many of your coworkers have left as well as other people?

Frankly I think when you put the picture of your three kids on your desk no one will give it a second thought. Someone might say “I didn’t know your wife had another baby?” and you can casually say “Why, yes we did a little while ago” then they will probably tease you for having too many kids, or breeding like rabbits or something inappropriate like that and life will go on. I really wouldn’t worry about what they think, however I would worry about what God thinks! He is the one who knows all along that you were afraid to be a proud witness to the beautiful life that He created and that He gave to you and your wife as a beautiful gift. Please consider spending some time in prayer and talk to God about this. Hope this helps.

That’s what I was thinking! After every child, adding them to the insurance in a timely matter was a priority. So, if you did add your third child to your insurance, there is a good chance your bosses do know.

We’ve gotten some judgement from people about having as many kids as we do and as young as we did (we had our 4th when I was 29) but it’s not their life to live and I’m proud of my kids and our family.

I’m not sure how you can go about telling everyone know about your 3rd now that you’ve been lying for so long, but our prayers will be with you.

Hi Hoosier, I don’t fear losing my job because of having 3 instead of 2. Its because I have not been completely honest about the count. Actually I don’t even fear only losing my job. It’s also about not being honest and hurting relationships that I have at work.

Yes. It might be hard to understand, but that’s what it is. It is tough. Thanks.

There will be people that are shocked that I have 3 kids. But I think a lot more people will be shocked that I hid this for so long. There are many co-workers that left, but even more that are still there. We are a small-medium company. There are like over 200 people in the office and about 40 in my dept.

Thanks for the prayers and advice.

Saint Benedict,
pray for us!

Sorry!
Wrong post and too late to correct!

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