Say a [Catholic] couple felt they had no choice other than to get an apartment together in order to afford rent. What would you say to them? If they said they didn’t know of any same-sex friends they could room with if you suggested they find other friends to room with, what else would you suggest they do?
I would suggest that they make whatever housing arrangements they would have made if they were not dating each other (i.e., if the other person were never in the picture).
That’s a very interesting point.
If they feel they know each other well enough to live together and want to be together all the time I would suggest marriage.
To the OP: Trust me, I lived with my wife years before we got engaged. We’ve now been married for 10 years, and lived together for almost 5 years before our wedding.
A big part of me regrets it. Why? __ reasons:
I don’t want my children to ever find out that we lived together.
I believe it had a negative effect on my siblings. To what degree, I don’t know. However, three of my 4 siblings got pregnant (or got a girl pregnant) before marriage. Also, those three moved in with their significant others very young. My brother moved in with his girlfriend when she was still in college (he was a year older than her and only 22). When they broke up, it was hard on my brother. Then, he went though many bad relationships until he got one pregnant and then rushed to marry her. My other brother got his girlfriend of 6 months pregnant and it didn’t work out for them. He now lives 10 hours away from everyone because his ex wanted to live by her family. So he lives there to be close to his son. And my sister moved in with her boyfriend at 18 and then was pregnant by 19.
when we moved in together, both of our parents were not happy about it. Now they see nothing wrong with it and my mother-in-law is actually living with a man now who she has no intention of ever marrying.
Finally, I don’t believe it allowed us to properly discern our relationship. We never had discussions about how to raise our kids, and now we have problems because of our different religious views and views about how to raise children. Had we not moved in together, we would most likely have talked about that more.
I believe the scandal that we created touched many of our family members in a negative way and I want to make sure we do everything possible to keep that scandal from my kids.
So for the sake of your unborn children, please do not do it.
This is brilliant.
That’s understandable. Based on the level of morality needed, you could deeply understand the orthodoxy of the situation. You must assure that your nature is stable, otherwise, it could impose logical incorrectness on your part.
I would say re-check your budget. My wife and I lived in the same apartment complex but different apartments while engaged and both in expensive full time grad programs. It would have saved us thousands of dollars to live together, but no amount of money is worth jeopardizing our relationship.
I do have a friend who decided to live with her boyfriend for this reason. It caused a lot of extra stress and uncertainty in her life.
I just thought I would share my personal account. I hope it helps!
Although I’m no longer renting, when I was there were constantly notices for roommates, online forums for roommates, Craigslist ads, etc. You’d meet and interview just like for a job. Have references available and use the power of the Internet for background checking.
Yes, find a roommate, either someone who has a room to rent, or someone to hunt for an apartment together, I’ve done it several times, and it mostly worked out.
Is there any chance the couple could continue where they are?
This idea of living together without marriage is something many old geezers do, too. You would think that they would know better. After all, being older brings them closer to the time when they will be off to meet Jesus.
Sometimes it’s to save money, sometimes, to lessen loneliness, but people get hurt even when they are older. One man had one girlfriend after another stay with him. When he would get tired of her, he would show her the door and start up with someone else.
This is a good point. Also, and this is something I heard when I went through Pre-Cana class is that if they want to move in together to save money and/or see what it’s like to be married they could also try sharing a bank account.
The priest who told a couple to do that rather that live together said the couple nearly broke up right there because the woman didn’t trust her boyfriend’s shopping and spending habits. Apparently it devolved into a little argument right there.
I said ‘give me a break’ do you seriously as a Catholic believe that God would put you in a situation where you had to sin:rolleyes:
My then soon to be husband and I lived in the same apartment for 3 months as we didn’t have money to pay rent+ wedding expenses (couldn’t stay anywhere else). But since we were getting married after three months, it was easy to do so plus it was a beautiful suffering.
When my husband and I got engaged, we bought a house prior to our wedding. He stayed there while I stayed with my parents. You’ll find friends and relatives are a lot more willing to let you stay if there is a date in the books. I agree with the other poster that said you should do whatever you would do were you not in a relationship with that person.
Don’t do it, period. You will thank me later.
And to that I say, they pay rent and do without the fancy wedding. The scandal such a situation causes is not right
I had a pretty dress, nice photos, and fifty guests for less than $5,000.00. It can be done! We had a lovely Church wedding.
That’s a quick judgement! But maybe I made you think that? We didn’t have a fancy wedding ( in fact the total opposite) but I did need some proper clothes for the wedding. The very basics. The story is long and I don’t want to hijack the thread and neither feel I should explain further.
You state in your post that you lived together to save on rent to use that money to the wedding. And I repeat ‘You could have paid rent and not spent money on the wedding’ Where in canon law does it state ‘proper clothes are required at a wedding’. Am I suppose to believe you didn’t even have street clothes and you needed to save rent money because you had no clothes and walked around naked 24/7:confused: