Cohabitation wha?


#1

I hear “cohabitation” thrown around a lot. I’ve tried searching through the forums for an answer, but the site keeps crashing on me.

So anyways, I keep hearing “cohabitation is a grave matter” and whatnot. Or the word “scandal” thrown in as well.

Could anyone please explain these two words to me and why cohabitation is either/both/any/whatever…


When I close my eyes, all I hear is “Wicked Sick!”


#2

[quote=Argh]I hear “cohabitation” thrown around a lot. I’ve tried searching through the forums for an answer, but the site keeps crashing on me.

So anyways, I keep hearing “cohabitation is a grave matter” and whatnot. Or the word “scandal” thrown in as well.

Could anyone please explain these two words to me and why cohabitation is either/both/any/whatever…
[/quote]

Since you offer your address as UW I would assume they have dictionary handy. In any event it usually means:

Living together in a sexual relationship without being married. I assume that the rest is self explanatory.


#3

[quote=HagiaSophia]Since you offer your address as UW I would assume they have dictionary handy. In any event it usually means:

Living together in a sexual relationship without being married. I assume that the rest is self explanatory.
[/quote]

I second that and add :

Cohabitation is a euphemism for adultery.
Adultery is having sexual relations with
some one you are not married to.


#4

[quote=tom.wineman]I second that and add :

Cohabitation is a euphemism for adultery.
Adultery is having sexual relations with
some one you are not married to.
[/quote]

Correction, fornication is consentual sex between to non-married partners. Adultery is sexual relations between two people who are not married to each other, but one or both are married to someone else.


#5

Cohabitation means living with someone of the same or opposite sex for the express purpose of making sexual activity more convenient. Only married people may cohabit (with each other, I see we are back to basics here). Anything else is mortal sin and like all mortal sin poisons all aspects of your life, including and especially your relationship.


#6

Cohabitation means living with someone of the same or opposite sex for the express purpose of making sexual activity more convenient. Only married people may cohabit (with each other, I see we are back to basics here). Anything else is mortal sin and like all mortal sin poisons all aspects of your life, including and especially your relationship.


#7

co·hab·it %between%
Pronunciation: (")kO-'ha-b&t
Function: intransitive verb
Etymology: Late Latin *cohabitare, *from Latin *co- + habitare *to inhabit, from frequentative of *habEre *to have – more at GIVE
1 : to live together as or as if a married couple
2 a : to live together or in company <buffaloes *cohabit**ing *with crossbred cows – Biological Abstracts> b : to exist together <two strains in his philosophy… cohabit in each of his major works – Justus Buchler>

Oh, yes, I should clarify that I am not cohabiting with my anyone. My gf is going to school in Whitewater and I’m of course in Madison.

“to live together as or as if a married couple” - Ok…perhaps “cohabitation” isnt the word I thought it to be. Cohabitation involves sex.

How about a couple (dating/engaged but not married) living together, but not for the purpose of having sex or making sexual activity more convenient? I’m not trying to split hairs or anything, just trying to clarify.


Ph34r 7h4 L337


#8

This was addressed fairly recently over at the EWTN forums, as well as here on a couple of threads regarding scandal.

Basically: Two unmarried, opposite sex people living together are: 1. In a situation which is a near occasion of sin. The temptations to impropriety at least and grave sin at most would be overwhelming.
2. Causing a situation of scandal. In this culture, at this time, whether it’s a “right” or “wrong” assumption, people assume that such a couple, especially a couple who were dating, engaged, or otherwise known to be “a couple”, if living in the same apartment or house are engaging in sexual activity. The fact that such a couple would automatically be saying “but nothing is going on” shows that the immediate first assumption by Joe or Jane Average is that something IS going on. Especially if a couple identifies themselves as practicing, faithful Catholics (by going to Mass, etc.), again the tacit, implicit assumption is that Catholics have no problem with sexual activity, living together, etc. before marriage. And that is a scandal, because the Catholic Church does, indeed, have a “problem” with sexual activity or even the appearance of sexual activity before marriage. Paul specifically warns us in I Corinthians not to be “barriers” or hindrances to other people. He warns us not to harm the faith of others. Scandal harms.
3. In addition to scandal, such activity only reinforces the current, secular climate where men and women are reduced to objects of desire or lust, rather than love. True love involves a respect for the beloved. Living together, even “chastely”, is disrespectful of the other person, and of one’s self. There is absolutely no situation where a non-married couple would “HAVE” to live together. It is charitable to consider the temptation one would be putting on one’s beloved, the scandal and the loss of character repute or “good name” of the beloved, and the weakening or rupture of the person’s Catholic faith and thus the possible loss of that person’s soul for eternity.


#9

[quote=puzzleannie]Anything else is mortal sin and like all mortal sin poisons all aspects of your life, including and especially your relationship.
[/quote]

As someone who cohabits with his girlfriend I can tell you it hasn’t poisoned our life. Whether it’s a sin depends on your religious views but the sociological views I can speak to with some authority.


#10

[quote=Tantum ergo]This was addressed fairly recently over at the EWTN forums, as well as here on a couple of threads regarding scandal.

Basically: Two unmarried, opposite sex people living together are: 1. In a situation which is a near occasion of sin. The temptations to impropriety at least and grave sin at most would be overwhelming.
2. Causing a situation of scandal. In this culture, at this time, whether it’s a “right” or “wrong” assumption, people assume that such a couple, especially a couple who were dating, engaged, or otherwise known to be “a couple”, if living in the same apartment or house are engaging in sexual activity. The fact that such a couple would automatically be saying “but nothing is going on” shows that the immediate first assumption by Joe or Jane Average is that something IS going on. Especially if a couple identifies themselves as practicing, faithful Catholics (by going to Mass, etc.), again the tacit, implicit assumption is that Catholics have no problem with sexual activity, living together, etc. before marriage. And that is a scandal, because the Catholic Church does, indeed, have a “problem” with sexual activity or even the appearance of sexual activity before marriage. Paul specifically warns us in I Corinthians not to be “barriers” or hindrances to other people. He warns us not to harm the faith of others. Scandal harms.
3. In addition to scandal, such activity only reinforces the current, secular climate where men and women are reduced to objects of desire or lust, rather than love. True love involves a respect for the beloved. Living together, even “chastely”, is disrespectful of the other person, and of one’s self. There is absolutely no situation where a non-married couple would “HAVE” to live together. It is charitable to consider the temptation one would be putting on one’s beloved, the scandal and the loss of character repute or “good name” of the beloved, and the weakening or rupture of the person’s Catholic faith and thus the possible loss of that person’s soul for eternity.
[/quote]

That’s much better.

I’m kinda in a “cant win” scenario which somewhat ties into this. While I’m not cohabiting with my gf, her parents are convinced we’re having sex. My gf’s mother has had the birth control talk with her three times in the 2 years we’ve been going out and has been probing her about it ever since. Two of those times, she was still 17. Great, her parents think I am/was rapist. In fairness, my gf tells me they really do like me.


Shikata ga nai!


#11

[quote=Tlaloc]As someone who cohabits with his girlfriend I can tell you it hasn’t poisoned our life. Whether it’s a sin depends on your religious views but the sociological views I can speak to with some authority.
[/quote]

Really? I believe that the sociological views, by studies that have been conducted, is that couples that live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate, or at the very least, the same as couples that do not. So there is no sociological benefit to cohabitation.

And sorry to say, all sin poisons your life.


#12

[quote=ByzCath]Really? I believe that the sociological views, by studies that have been conducted, is that couples that live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate, or at the very least, the same as couples that do not. So there is no sociological benefit to cohabitation.
[/quote]

You are mistaking correlation with causation. Those who live together before marriage are more likely not to belong to restrictive religions which discourage divorce. Those who don’t live together are more likely to belong to such religions. In other words there are more factors than the simply equation you are drawing.

On the other hand I can point you to any number of benefits from living together before hand. Getting to actually know your prospective partner simply isn’t possible until you’ve actually lived with them. Everyone has habits they keep concealed from the public at large but cannot conceal from a housemate.

And sorry to say, all sin poisons your life.

Not in any tangible way and I don’t believe in your beliefs of the intangible so…


#13

So, when are you getting married? Now that you guys know your partner’s little “quirks”, what’s stopping you? Or are the benefits of not being married outweighing the benefits of being married?


#14

(emphasis added by me)

Sir, that is the case in nearly EVERYTHING we do. Any time we interact with a group of people, there are bound to be disagreements and problems.

We don’t get to prescreen our coworkers before we are hired at a job. We don’t get to prescreen our neighbors before we move to a new neighborhood.

You are basically prescreening a spouse so as to avoid a mistake. But in the screening, people who cohabit do not experience the same sense of commitment as people who are married.

If one can’t get along with the people one works with, quit.

If one can’t get along with neighbors, move.

If one doesn’t like the ‘hidden personality quirks’ of a boyfriend or girlfriend, move out.

You may try to say that this thinking promotes healthy marriages, but what fails to be addressed is that in these scenerios, the person is avoiding having to deal with problems and issues they find uncomfortable. They are inherently selfish in their problem solving. If I don’t like it- I don’t have to…

A couple doesn’t need to share a bed, and a toaster to learn about one another.


#15

[quote=Tlaloc]You are mistaking correlation with causation. Those who live together before marriage are more likely not to belong to restrictive religions which discourage divorce. Those who don’t live together are more likely to belong to such religions. In other words there are more factors than the simply equation you are drawing.

On the other hand I can point you to any number of benefits from living together before hand. Getting to actually know your prospective partner simply isn’t possible until you’ve actually lived with them. Everyone has habits they keep concealed from the public at large but cannot conceal from a housemate.

Not in any tangible way and I don’t believe in your beliefs of the intangible so…
[/quote]

Interesting how your post, post #11 in this thread is your 666th post. Thats right… 666. :hmmm:


#16

[quote=Tantum ergo]So, when are you getting married? Now that you guys know your partner’s little “quirks”, what’s stopping you? Or are the benefits of not being married outweighing the benefits of being married?
[/quote]

Actually we are getting married. We discussed it for some time but events had been to chaotic.

However before you get too excited we’re getting married mostly to gain the benefits (such as putting her on my healthcare) but also as a recognition that we celebrate our relationship and expect to be together for some time. We also have an open relationship so you really have any number of attributes to be appalled at. Take your pick.


#17

Well, good luck to you and your future wife and congratulations.
May God bless you both. I hope that you will have a long and happy life together. :slight_smile:


#18

We’ll be getting married when we’re both outta school (oh, say 5 years).

Why were not married:

  1. We’re in school, I have enough trouble keeping focused on my homework now.
  2. Although my parents really, really like her, they would flip out. I can hardly imagine what they would do.
  3. While I’m not afraid of her father, I am afraid of the guy he’d hire to kill me.
  4. We’re soooooooooooo not ready to have kids. I shudder at the very thought.
  5. My parents are divorced and I’m gunshy.
  6. I’m 19, she’s 18…that would be kinda creepy…
  7. I still get a kick outta playing with tinkertoys

forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=38736

also, see above


#19

We dont’ get to prescreen our co-workers before we are hired for a new job.

We don’t get to prescreen our neighbors before we move to a new community.

It seems that those who promote cohabitation put finding a spouse on the same caliber as the above two scenerios.

If I don’t like my coworkers- I’ll quit.

If I don’t like my neighbors- I’ll move.

If I don’t like my boyfriend or girlfriend- I’ll move or kick them out.

What an extremely selfish way to go about problem solving. If I don’t like it, I’ll just remove myself from the situation. I am under no obligation to change my attitude or my own personality quirks unless I wish to- if you don’t like it… there’s the door, or I’m outta here!

On the other hand, there are many wonderful creative and loving ways to get to know a person without sharing a bed and a toaster. They take a little more thinking and commitment to one another, but the respect and care it builds between two people is worth it.


#20

[quote=Tantum ergo]So, when are you getting married? Now that you guys know your partner’s little “quirks”, what’s stopping you? Or are the benefits of not being married outweighing the benefits of being married?
[/quote]

Actually we are getting married. We discussed it for some time but events had been to chaotic.

However before you get too excited we’re getting married mostly to gain the benefits (such as putting her on my healthcare) but also as a recognition that we celebrate our relationship and expect to be together for some time. We also have an open relationship so you really have any number of attributes to be appalled at. Take your pick.


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