Cohabiting without sex (now) Scandal ... Help!

I feel trapped on one hand I am doing what appears to me a good thing in offering a roof over the head of a vulnerable woman who has avoidant personality disorder on the other hand it is upsetting my ‘godmother’ (who gets v angry with me she is 93 and I visit her as a friend but she treats me horribly on this issue).

On my confirmation day my godmother made quite a scene saying ‘I’m not sitting next to that girl’ when she was supposed to sit next me and now she says she isn’t my godmother then she’s nice to me I drive her home start talking about things kindly her she brings this subject up again and again.

She and another woman from church actually arranged for me to put the woman in my home. We did sin initially (but never intercourse) but I kept confessing and trying to work towards a solution , I even proposed thinking a quick marriage would be the answer because I became v fond of her.

But because of her bipolar problems she doesn’t know what she wants in life she is even seeing someone else now, we do t have sex or sleep in the same room and out priest has always absolved us.

She is looking to buy a home but she has very limited funds and no job, I can’t just send her back home to her parents because her parents are split and do not support her properly and live abroad. I just hope she can find a place quickly though I worry for her as she can’t look after herself .

After what my godmother said I feel v upset (again) upsetting for everyone I will miss when she leaves I really thought marriage was the solution but she doesn’t want this

Previously I had lived virtually all my adult life alone and after this I think I will continue it is hard for me to socialise , so to find this womam who likes me only to find she likes other men too is a let down.

Can you please pray that she finds her independence, and overcomes her avoidant personality problems etc.

Also Is it ok for me to still receive the Eucharist I am receiving it because I am not having sex ie I am celebate.

Ps I won’t give up on my godmother who is 93 I am picking her up on Sunday to take her to church, she actually phoned me this morning to apologise for her outburst, no one else has been so against her living in the same house, she is a traditionalist i respect her views but she looses it entirely and feels like she’s trying g to take me over, even the priests are not telling me off), perhaps someone can pray for her too.


I just hope my friend can find a place like now, trouble is she can’t look after herself!

I’m sorry for,the scandal caused to my godmother I wish she had not reacted angrily but I know she is right about the fact it is sinful event bough we don’t have sex, but how sinful? She’s behaving as though it is a mortal sin but no priest has said such a thing, however it feels like I am doing something extremely wrong because of her reaction. I know no sin is acceptable which is why I hope my dear friend can find a place ASAP.

Correction! I just realised I kissed her earlier on the eyes a few times, nothing more but after 2 years in same house we are more familiar than just friends even though we sleep in different rooms and don’t sleep together.

She is seeing someone else now!

Sorry for not mentioning kissing but i do pull away and won’t kiss her on lips etc.

Regarding scandal just a thought … Does it have to be perceived sin amongst those you know for it be scandal?

I don’t really understand this concept well… If you can scandalise strangers for instance the would this make the thread scandalous too? If this were the case then i would rather it be deleted altogether.

You are putting yourself in danger on mortal sin again you have already had sex with her. it can happen not to mention the thought of sex that you might entertain.
You are not responsible for her to save money to buy a house. She needs to look for her own place, with roommates if she can’t afford her own place.
Just because a priest didn’t tell you off I believe that the previous sex, not intercourse, you had was indeed mortal sin. Talk to the priest if you aren’t sure.
Two years, don’t you want to move on with your life. She should too and probably won’t until you push her. That’s my two cents worth.
God Bless

Thanks regarding mortal sin the previous sex are you referring to kissing on the eyes … (I will endeavour to go for confession anyway pretty soon) but don’t think I can have confession before mass tomorrow as have a visiting priest and I am playing organ so was hoping to receive.

The non intercouse sex Ibut more intimate i had when we first met was all confessed previously as indeed I considered it grave

Thanks it’s worth more than 2 cents God Bless

Hi, 123:

Have you ever found yourself in the position where you where you’re talking care of “helpless” friends. I had a long-time male friend (never a boyfriend). At college, we were both poor, but I was always treating him to meals and so forth. Years after graduation, I let him live with me rent-free after he went through a very stormy divorce with his wife. (I had another room-mate at the time.) Anyway, he felt free to be a mooch off me.

My point here is that there are certain kinds of people who like to mooch off friends. They are shameless, and they never pay back the money they owe you. I insisted he look for jobs, but he was really half-hearted about it. He eventually got an academic job. He felt anything else was beneath him. He never paid me back so much as a dime.

It really was my fault. But I learned an important lesson. He should have gone to his family. I didn’t have the money to support him – but I did anyway. It’s not my job to take care of all of my friends.

Anyway, I hope you get this situation sorted out with your friend.

P.S. Don’t use the term “cohabit” with a priest. But its very definition, it means that you’re living with a person with whom you’re having a sexual relationship without the benefit of marriage.

Make sure you make clear that you refer to the person as a roommate, which is what she really is.

Best of luck to you. God bless.

Thanks Njilss, there is some probs with money she says she will pay me back … But it’s quite a lot and I won’t force her as she can’t work because of her illness. She is honest but not practical. Marriage seemed logical option in a way, as it would help her financially as well as accommodation I am fond of her but she doesn’t want it , I didn’t see all this coming my social issues made me a bit naive I don’t blame her she does offer to pay some back but at moment I think she should use all her money to buy a place and think about paying me back later. She wanted to borrow money for a house and stupid me I kind of went a long with it for a bit but now she has plans to buy and get someone to live in it ie not live in it herself so I said today I don’t want to lend under these circumstances. I have driven her all over the place but every auctioned bid so far has fallen through.

Her family would be best for her if only they were supportive they live 3000 miles away., her mum I think is mentally ill and she comes from broken family , very sad.

Glad you sorted out your scrounging friend, you did a good thing went more than the extra mile prob, Sometimes there is no cor little onsolation from people may God console you for your charity God Bless

Tomorrow I do my best not kiss her, and we will continue the house hunt, tomorrow is hard for another reason she sees another ‘boyfriend’ just once a week he is setting boundaries.

It is all quite messed up at the moment another good reason for her to move for her my sake and his sake now!

Wow, that’s a complicated situation. I wish you the best. And stop lend money. It’s all going down the rat hole.

Thanks njilsa yes It is quite a knot to untangle, I am praying for help in this.

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