Well a couple of nights ago my husband and I finally talked about ending this marriage. He wouldn’t come right out and say it…so I said it for him. He wanted to know what we were going to do, that I wasn’t happy, he wasn’t happy and he asked me if I thought we could make our children happy…and I said no. I told him he was right and that we had nothing left…there was nothing hear anymore. We argued a littel bit, pointed fingers and brought out every negative thing about each other. We finally calmed down and started talking about how we were going to do things, and stuff about the house etc. Needless to say I didn’t get much sleep, even though I knew this was coming and I was ready for it…or at least thought I was ready, I felt an overwhelming sadness. He got up and went to work the next day.
I was coming home from taking the baby to a doctor’s visit and he had just gotten home, it was really early so I assumed he had come home that early to pick up his stuff and leave…but he didn’t. I came in started fixing some lunch and asked him if he was hungry, he said no and then proceeded to tell me that he had quit his job. I was stunned, and asked what happened. He started telling me about the situation…he had been having problems with some people since he started 4 years ago…he finally got fed up and quit. He looked sad, tired and really frustrated with what was going on at work. I could empathize, I know what it’s like to work in a hostile environment and it sucks. He then proceeded downstairs to do some woodwork and then went to HomeDepot for more supplies, certainly not the actions of someone who is ready to leave…I think. He didn’t bring up the separation again…I didn’t bring it up because I figured one thing to stress about is enough…one thing at a time.
What I don’t understand is why I feel so sad, when he was telling me about what was going on at work I had this overwhelming feeling of sympathy for him come over me. I try to be hard and not care…but for some reason I do. I just wished I could make things better for him at work, that he could feel better, I wanted to make things better for him…despite everything he’s done and how much he’s hurt me I want him to be okay. Isn’t that wierd? I feel sad about divorcing even though I know it’s the best thing for all of us, but I feel sad, very sad even though I knew it was coming. I get angry that things didn’t work out, I ask myself what went wrong and why. These must be normal feelings for all who are going through this, I think about what could of been, of the man I thought I married of the illusion of the family I wanted to have of the life I wanted to have with this man. Does anyone understand what I’m saying, and how do I feel better?