So, I’ve noticed that a consistent problem that keeps coming up on this forum (and in my own relationship) is communication. More specifically, how can a couple communicate effectively?
My boyfriend and I have been having minor disagreements recently, and we both want to learn how to sort them out effectively before we get married. I guess we have a difference of communication styles - when I get upset, I want to talk about it right away and get the whole issue dealt with. My boyfriend, in contrast, takes a few hours to several days to sort out his feelings and put them into words so we can talk about it. His way seems logical to me, and I’m glad he knows how to control his emotions, but it drives me nuts to know that he’s upset but have to wait to know why. I’d like to be able to comfort him, reassure him, talk him through it, or apologize, as the case warrants, but sometimes I just don’t have a clue what’s wrong until he tells me.
Sometimes he’s upset at me, sometimes he’s angry, sometimes he’s depressed, and sometimes he’s worried about something, but often I don’t have any clue what the problem is until he calms down and puts it into words. English is his second language, so I appreciate that he needs to think it through and make sure he’s not saying it wrong, but I end up spending all day or several days worrying about what it could be that upset him.
Anyway, to make a long story short, what communication tips do you more experienced people have for the rest of us? How did you learn to communicate? How long did it take you to figure it all out? Are you still struggling with communication differences, or do you just relax and go with the flow now? Tips?