Communion & Marriage


Question: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He was previously married (not through the catholic church). However, as a result we were told we could not maary through the church. Everyone told us because of his divorce the church would not marry us.However, my question is we go to Sunday mass and come home feeling depressed because we can’t take communion; Is it possible for us to marry through the church so that this feeling will get better? That way would could feel better about the our religious practices.We could feel as if we belong there.

God Bless,



Have you ever actually talked to a priest about it?

If I were you I would look at an annulment.

In your husband’s first legal marriage, if there was something lacking where there wasn’t a real marriage to begin with, then your husband would be free to marry you. (ie. shotgun wedding, drunk at vegas and can’t remember etc.) All marriages are assumed valid until proven otherwise so there would have to be a process to investigate and prove that it wasn’t valid.

Marriage is ‘until death do us part.’ If he is married to someone else than you two are committing adultery (at least until one of them dies.) Whats really weird though is many Americans, many Catholics, don’t really know what marriage is. Talk to your priest about things, he should be able to point you in the right direction.


Do you listen to “everyone” except your priest and proper church authorities to find out what was necessary before you married?For Goodness sakes take responsibility for yourself and your soul.

Why on earth would you go ahead and marry someone who you knew was not free to marry you? He was already married. You knew you would be outside the Church and in mortal sin.

At this point, what you can do is go talk to a priest. Lay out all the facts. Your husband can pursue having his first marriage examined to determine validity (a Tribunal examination and petition for decree of nullity).

While you are awaiting the outcome, you can commit yourselves to live as brother and sister (no sexual relations). If you do this, you can go to Confession and return to the Sacraments.

If he receives a decree of nullity, you can then have your marriage convalidated and you will be reconciled with the Church.

**If **his first marriage is found to be valid then you have a much tougher decision ahead of you: separate from him or continue to live as brother and sister until and unless his wife to whom he is validly married dies.

Go talk to a priest immediately. Do not delay in getting the process started to examine his first marriage for validity. Discuss living as brother & sister with your spouse so you can go to Confession and have this sin absolved.

This is going to sound very harsh, but it needs to be said: You did this to yourself.

And, more important than being able to take Communion is going to Confession and being absolved of mortal sin. You don’t want to face judgment without having this taken care of!

You should be more concerned with the state of your soul than with “feeling good” about going to Mass. Do you really not know that this is a serious thing that you’ve done? If not, then perhaps there is less culpability.

Go talk to your priest. I pray that your husband’s first marriage will be found to have been invalid. If he was a Catholic married outside the Church without dispensation, then there is a good chance that his marriage will be declared null, your marriage can be convalidated, and you can return to the Sacraments in short order.

Good luck.


Call a priest. Today. Whoever told the two of you this didn’t tell you what “everybody else here” has told you. A priest would be the best one to tell you what’s what.


there is not enough info here, and there is no point in sharing more info, because the person who can help you is your nearest Catholic priest. Make an appointment, lay out all the facts about previous marriages and your current circumstances, and let him guide you. If your husband was a Catholic who married outside the church the first time, chances are it is a rather uncomplicated paperwork procedure because that marriage would not have been valid. But there is no way to say without more info, and the priest is the one who needs the info. Once that issue was decided, you would prepare for and receive convalidation, exchanging your vows in front of a priest or deacon. If you have questions about this, it is quite likely you will have questions about other aspects of Catholic teaching on marriage, family and sexuality, and that is the purpose of the preparation period.


You know, this is exactly what I’m talking about the catholic religion to me appears to be one formed on a very harsh set of morals and values. I feel bad eough already.I know that in the eyes of the church we are living in sin. I guess I just never quite have understood my religion. Why then, when my parents were married outside of the church did they allow my siblings and I to baptized through the Catholic Church? If my parents were the one’s who were going to set the examples for our religious upbringing. This still goes on today beause I see it all the time. When baptizing they require the godparents to be married through church but not the parents. What’s up with that? Don’t you think this needs to be fixed? I think it is a big problem. Why on earth would they not require them to be married through the church. I believe that hipocracy rules here. I don’t know I guess like I said earlier I just am not an informed catholic. A true Christian I know I am. I believe in God and have love for others and try my best to do the right thing. I’m really confused after hearing everyone’s view because that is what they are. They are your point of view on my situation. I take full responsibility for my actions but I can’t accept that falling in love and being with the person I love as my husband especially after 15 great years of marriage to be such a sin. I don’t know of any other church who sees this as such. I guess I’m just a frustrated catholic who doesn’t know her religion very well. With all these feelings of not belonging to the church I sometimes want to find a new more accepting church where I can feel as if I truly belong.

Thank you for your opiniions,


Dear Mac 1

Please don’t feel so frustrated. Talk to your priest, maybe there is a case for an annulment. But I don’t think the church has a harsh set of values, but instead they uphold the moral values that God has made and the church helps us to know them so that our souls can be protected from sin. They are not harsh or uncaring, but instead lovingly looking out for your soul. And the hypocrisy you speak of about baptism, I must say I disagree. Baptism is for the child, to become a member of the body of Christ and to remove the stain of original sin. I don’t think any child should be denied baptism because they were not born from parents who are very strong in their faith. I think the parents should be instructed more about the faith once they decide to baptize their child. And the requirement for godparents also makes sense to me, because this is something you have a choice in. The child can not choose who its parents are, and they my not be of the same Christian denomination, however once they have chosen to raise and baptize their child in one faith then they should choose godparents who can help teach the faith to the child and be good examples of living the faith. Please do not leave for a more “accepting” church, in the Catholic Church you can experience the fullness of the faith and they are truly looking out for your soul, so that you can one day be with God. :smiley: I would look into an annulment, maybe this will turn out to be the case. God bless!


This is the opinion I have a problem with…first…someone wants to be “married” in the church. Marriage means FOREVER. then, when it doesn’t work out, they want the church to look the other way and be “forgiving” as if the marriage was a sin.

The whole idea here is that the Church actually expects its people to LIVE OUT their commitment they made in front of God. God will give them the grace to do that. If its declared null…then we see that the grace was never there…

and this expectation that Marriage is forever is labeled as a “harsh set of morals and values”.

That doesn’t even make sense. There is objective truth about God and morality. The church doesn’t impose these on people to get a kick out of it. She does this because this is the way to get to heaven with the most FREEDOM! Sin is just chains that bind us down. So then…should the church only have “mediocre” sets of morals and values? We are living for God and no other here… I want to be as pure and holy as possible


Mac, I’m really sorry that you didn’t get a good solid foundation in Catholic teaching. The Catholic religion is not a “harsh set of rules”. The Church proclaims the truth of Christ.

Marriage is a Sacrament. It’s a covenant with God. Therefore, it’s not a revolving door. We are not free to marry and divorce, and remarry. We are not free to go to the courthouse and marry.

Why? Because God instituted marriage, and Christ made it a holy Sacrament. Christ then put the Church in charge of the Sacraments.

Marriage is a witness to Christ and his Church. That is why the Church guards and protects it.

I’m sorry, I was one who was harsh. It is all hopefully correctable if your DH goes to see the priest about a decree of nullity.

Because Baptism is not withheld from children because of their parents sin. Baptism is the door to Salvation. Baptism remits Original Sin. The Church does all she can to help us get to Heaven. If my parents sin could prevent my baptism, that would be a gross misjustice to ME.

They still must deal with their own sin. But, if a parent wants to do right by their children, then the Church tries to help them.

I’m sorry you had your parents marriage outside the Church confusing the issue when it was time for you to be married.

There is nothing to “fix”. Of course the parents who are married outside the Church need to fix their situation, as fast as possible. But, the children are innocent and the Church wants to help them become Christians.

The Church does require marriage in the Church. However, it does not punish the children– who are innocent of the sin of their parents. The children have a right to be baptized. The parents have an obligation to have them baptized. The parents also have an obligation to correct their marriage situation.

See, your parents didn’t do that… leading you to think it was OK. I am sorry that happened to you.

No, it’s not opinion, it’s Church teaching. Your marriage is invalid. But, you and your DH can take steps to correct the situation and come back into the Sacraments. Fifteen years is a long time-- go see the priest immediately. He can counsel you.

He was already married. He was not free to marry. He could have had the first marriage examined but he didn’t. He could have talked to a priest but didn’t. So, yes, a lot of this is on the two of you because you didn’t take any responsibility to find out what was necessary, to adhere to church teaching. But, it can be resolved. Go see your priest.

Yes, they teach falsely on the matter.

You can fix that. Get the Catechism and start reading. God gave us the Church to guide us to Heaven. Don’t walk away from this gift.

You certainly belong. You can correct your situation.

Going to another church who does not teach the Truth just to feel better isn’t going to solve anything.


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