This message is starting out All About Me. Sorry if you find that boring. Anyone who wants to change the topic, that’s OK. Kind of like playing Calvinball; the rules can change here.
OK, I’m going to try switching sides. No promises, mind you, but rhetorically I am going to try to articulate my understanding of Church teachings on contraception as if I want to agree with her instead of trying to remain neutral.
When man and wife form a union, they become one. When a man (using the example of man) leaves his parents, he becomes one body with her.
That means that along all the axes of a whole human being, we have to act as an entire functioning being, acting in the greatest possible unity and having the God-given power by proxy to procreate more like ourselves. For this power to work optimally, the surrender for the spice (er, spouses ) to each other has to be complete, or they are denying each other some of their own assets to contribute to the whole being that is possible when the marriage includes the Trinity-reminiscent relationship of two previous human beings merging with God to create a perfect family – open to whatever comes to it in the natural course of complete and total expressions of love.
If you are speaking with your wife, do you feel you need to wear a mask? Is the mask to help communication by translating intio her language, or is it to obfuscate what you really mean?
Humans have these components (listed in no particular order), according to my first-and-only spiritual director:
sexual (tied in with sense of identity)
So now that you are one unit, each of you – man, woman, and God – brings a different perspective to this marital triangle.
How secure do you want the bonds to be between husband and wife? Which of these aspects would you be willing to allow to become a problem area? In which do you think you can develop individually, with artificial barries between them?
If one were unable to hear, the other would learn sign language. I would think if one became emotionally needed for a while we could also accomodate with some commitment, OK maybe a whole lot of commitment.
I should think a total sharing could be something like what the Church is talking about procreative and unitive. It should span all the relationship. We always talk about the sexual aspect, but let’s talk about the communion between man and wife as a total communion in all six areas of the person. When we do this we are witnessing to God’s unitive and procreative power by sharing in it.