Confessing the sin of masturbation ...as a woman


#1

All day long I see videos and posts directed towards men and pornography addiction. What about women? I wouldn’t say I have an addiction by any means, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t fall every now and then. For about 4 months, I was doing really well. But, a couple weeks ago, it happened again. I don’t know what came over me. I went to confession almost immediately after because I knew I couldn’t receive communion until I did. Before it happened, I remember thinking: “its fine, I can just confess it later.”. I mentioned that in my confession later that day (because the sin of presumption is a thing, right?). The priest didn’t make much of it. Then a couple days later, I fell again and felt such shame and guilt and I couldn’t stand it. It would seem that I got sucked into a downward spiral and I can’t (don’t want to) stop. I’m about to go to confession again. But I feel so alone, shameful, and just terrible about losing such a long streak I had. I shouldn’t have to even confess this. What’s the point of trying since I obviously can’t do it? (I know the answer to that one; it’s just what I’m feeling.) I’m better than this. Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Also, what’s the best way to say this in the confessional. I usually feel pretty stupid when I’m there.


#2

Don’t feel ashamed… go to confession if you feel you need it, don’t let your despair win over you!

To fall can happen, and one time is more likely to bring others time, because of the habit created.
But you will eventually stop the spiral. Don’t worry to much.


#3

Try not to think of it as “a long streak”. You fell into sin. Say it that way “I fell again to the sin of masturbation”.

Just like forming a bad habit, you can grow in virtue and strength to avoid sin.

Be of good courage, Christ’s mercy is there.

Satan knows our names, and calls us by our sin. Christ knows our sins, and calls us by name.


#4

The same advice given to men applies to women. Tell your pastor what you’ve done (just general, don’t get into specifics; it’s not necessary and priests don’t want to hear that). If you know how many times, say how many. If not, say “may” or “several” or something along those lines. Most people at some point have this to confess. You won’t be the first, and certainly not the last.


#5

While this is not the exact issue you are dealing with, Catholic speaker Audrey Assad talks about her former pornography addiction. Perhaps some of her talks or articles could be of help. God bless you.


#6

I don’t think there’s anything particularly different about confessing this for a woman. Just say it straightforwardly, same as for a guy. I wouldn’t overthink it.

I get that it’s a mildly embarrassing thing to say, but believe me, priests hear about it constantly. Its not going to bother him, believe me.


#7

Love People Use Things - Matt Fradd

Stop Saying Women Don’t Watch Porn

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/love-people-use-things/id1320495341?mt=2&i=1000419009118

Remember, Jesus was also tempted in the desert. We will be tempted and that’s okay. What matters is how we respond to it. We aren’t perfect and God knows this. What God asks is that we try and pick ourselves up after if we fall.

Thinking of it in terms of a streak adds way too much pressure. When I messed up on day 30 of a 30 day streak I was very mad and sad that I hit the milestone and messed up. Take each day at a time, that is what God asks of us.

Have you tried cold showers? They build endurance and allow us to regain control over our wills. Also giving up something you enjoy as a sacrifice helps as well. If needed, get Covenent Eyes, amazing accountability and blocking software.

Also frequenting daily mass and praying the Rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet help a lot. And if you are doing all these things and they aren’t helping, don’t worry, God only gives us crosses that we can bear. Also, keep in mind, we aren’t defined by our sins. We are defined by our faith and works. There is more to the world than masturbation and porn issues. Don’t dwell on your struggles, forget about them. Focus on getting closer to God and the rest will fall into place. You can do this :grinning:


#8

What a wonderful way to put it!


#9

If this happens again, and I can’t get to confession, does this prevent me from receiving the eucharist?


#10

I don’t know. Some here will said we cannot if we are aware it is a mortal sin.

I tend to disagree.

Examine your concience and see if you can go or if you feel it is better to wait until confession. There is nothing wrong to wait until the confession.

Ask your priest the nex time you see him.


#11

You should not receive until you are able to go to confession.


#12

We are not in the place to offer advice. My priest said receiving often was very beneficial. It’s not a mortal for everyone. We shouldn’t give advice, leave it up to the Priest


#13

I’m a man, but I think my advice works for both sexes

  1. when feeling the temtaption coming, start praying multiple Hail Mary’s until it goes away

  2. when confessing, you could say “I was intimate with myself X time(s)” or “I was sexually intimate with myself X time(s)”

I have to imagine that this sin is one of the mortal sins priests hear the most of (if not the most)

God Bless


#14

Agreed. I’m a guy with the struggle, and my priest told me to get to confession, but don’t avoid communion because of it. He discerned my previous addictive use reduced current falls to not be mortal.

But if my priest said differently, I’d follow that rule. As long as it wasn’t against church teaching.

Tl;dr - Do what your priest tells you. Until then, I’d go to confession before communion.


#15

I can see where this makes sense, but the OP stated that it was not an addictive issue. In any event, yes, listening to ones pastor is always the best course of action.

I hope you are making progress in overcoming this.


#16

I don’t see why you wouldn’t just say “masturbation.” Just be clear and up front, no need for euphemism. As long as you’re not giving the priest unnecessary levels of graphic detail, he’ll probably appreciate you just stating things as clearly as possible.

I mean, saying it your way still gets the point across, but I think it’s just best to just come out and say it and be done. It’s such a common sin, it’s not like the priest is going to blush.


#17

I find myself too, the sentense “I was intimate with myself” strange. Being intimate seems a positive shared time, which is a paradox here.
If that works, and I think everybody will understand, that’s fine.
But made me think more of Woody Allen ideas…

I have seen that some here used “self abuse”. Why not?

The difficulties of some people to speak of theses topics advocate for the use of the confessionals, a tradition that is lost in many churches.


#18

It’s not just men who struggle with sins of the flesh, but women do too! Remember the woman who was caught in adultery that was going to be stoned to death? But like a hero Our Lord saved that woman! If my memory serves, according to Church tradition, isn’t it believed that woman was Mary Magdalene?

Don’t feel ashamed about going to confession repeatedly about this. I actually had the same conversation about my priest about this very issue. He told me in our present era it’s harder and harder to resist temptation because well, it’s everywhere. And unfortunately, if left alone it can become an addiction where our bodies crave it because of the endorphins that are released into the brain. To our bodies it is actually not that dissimilar from getting a high from drugs.

Anyway, your body has probably grown accustomed to the endorphins released in your brain and that is why you are feeling like you can’t and don’t want to stop. I understand because I have the same struggles. Sins against the flesh is how the devil tempts us the most, because our bodies are so inclined to these sins due to our fallen nature.

My priest said not to feel shame in this struggle and if I have to confess this sin repeatedly it’s okay. In the words of my priest: “If a priest can’t handle you confessing this sin repeatedly he shouldn’t be a priest.”

What matters is your intent. If you are truly sorry for what you have done and make a firm resolve to amend your life and battle against this sin, that’s what matters most. It’s when we don’t care there is an even graver problem.

Don’t feel stupid or like your dignity is less because of this sin, that is the evil one trying to make you feel unworthy! Remember, Satan wants to tear you away from God!

Your sexuality is a precious gift given to you by God, but of course He wants you to use it for the purpose he intended it for, which is in marriage!

Remember, Christ is there to pick you up and dust you off when you fall if you ask for His mercy!

Above all, we should be sorry for our sins because we love God, not because we are just afraid of going to hell.

Don’t be discouraged and take heart, God is with you! Stay close to Him in the sacraments, especially in confession and Holy Eucharist! And don’t forget praying the Rosary is a powerful armor against sin!

Also, stay close to the Blessed Virgin Mary! She is purity and She will help you! When you go into the confessional, just do as you normally would, there should be no magic words, just be candid and say you masturbated. The priest has heard it before! I agree with others that it is probably one of the most commonly confessed sins we Catholics confess.


#19

Also, don’t underestimate your priest, or his perceptions. Whatever you might think, you’re far from atypical … and your struggles are almost certainly nothing he hasn’t run into before! You’re not too good to confess your sins to our Lord. And your priest isn’t some naïf who’s never heard such things from a parishioner before. (Trust me, you don’t care to know what it’d take to astonish him!) And he’s there to hear your confession–he’s CERTAINLY not sitting here expecting to hear that you’ll never have slipped again.

Moreover, your priest is a human being, as are we all … he has his own confessor, and has had to confess all the sorts of things that we’d rather not have had to. I’m not saying this to minimize sin … but to say that the truth will set you free, as it sets all of us free. Fear not, and confess what you have to confess! Our Lord is merciful, and greatly to be praised.


#20

The timeless Tradition of the Church would agree.


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