I’m new here to the forums so please be patient with me.
This has been bugging me and I haven’t been back since…
I hadn’t been to confession since catholic grade school. I guess I fell away into a non-church goer starting in Catholic High School and College. I can’t believe it’s been this long :eek:
Anyway, trying to get back to my faith and a new & better relationship with God. I went to a “Landings” program, wasn’t what I had hoped, but still worth it some of the time. Started going to Mass but still felt like I was just going through the motions. I went through the process of having my wife’s previous marriage annulled and it was just as I had expected (a story for another time). I decided it was time to go to confession, did a lot of thinking and praying, and went to the church. I sat in the pew a long time trying to get up the nerve to do it. I felt like I was back in grade school waiting for the Nun to tell me it was my turn. In any case I really wanted to do it. There had been a lot of serious sins to get worked out and forgiven. I’m not sure what got me to move, but I ended up in a face to face room some how (I would have never done that if i was thinking about it) but I sat down and noticed the priest was very young, probably a brand new priest. I didn’t think it mattered, so I went with it. He seemed really uncomfortable for some reason and almost nervous while I was talking. Kind of made me uneasy. Anyway I explained my long time away from the church and confession. I was expecting a lot of questions from the priest before getting started, but he didn’t ask any. I showed him a booklet about confession I had with lots of notes so i could remember all my sins, so we began. It took a while and I felt kind of rushed because there was someone in the confessional next to him waiting. Afterwords I read a penance prayer from the booklet and he gave me additional readings from the bible and absolved me from my sins like I remembered from grade school. Now, after I left and did my readings and prayers I sat there for a while trying to get a feeling for what just happened. I just wasn’t feeling it, I felt like something was missing or went wrong. I figured it was just because of my time away, but I wasn’t feeling it or even feeling like I was truly forgiven somehow. I figured I’d give it more time and think and pray about it some more, but it’s still bugging me and I haven’t been back since, It’s starting to make me question my Catholic Faith which is much more serious them my falling away which was just that, a distraction, not a loosing of my Catholic faith. It’s been about a year since the confession I was attending Mass regularly, but now it’s not as regular as before, but I keep praying about it while trying to comprehend what i am feeling and what to do next.
Is this normal for someone who hasn’t been involved in the church for a very long time? I’m kind of at a crossroads and don’t know where to go or what to do. Maybe I’m just rushing it, but I want to truly feel like I’ve been forgiven, and I don’t feel that way for some reason.
Thank you in advance for any thoughts.