Confession and Confirmation Question

I am wondering if I can (or should) continue to go to confession if my marriage has not been blessed by the church? Due to my marriage circumstance I don’t see this happening in the forseeable future either. I was advised by a priest that due to having children, and otherwise living in a happy stable marriage, that I should have patience and pray for resolution and not do anything that would disrupt or cause harm to our family unit. I know that I cannot receive the Eucharist, but I would like to go to confession. As a bit of background, I left the church for Islam right before being confirmed and am now returning. I have gone to confession about that sin. My next question is if it possible to get confirmed without my marriage being blessed? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

For certain one can not go to confession if one is living as a married person (that is having relations etc) in an invalid marriage. And one should not be confirmed yet either…

But turn to the Lord Jesus Christ…seek his face! Know that he loves you and yours…and work to get everything “sorted out” in the right way


1650 Today there are numerous Catholics in many countries who have recourse to civil divorce and contract new civil unions. In fidelity to the words of Jesus Christ - "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery"158 The Church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid, if the first marriage was. If the divorced are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law. Consequently, they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of Penance can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are committed to living in complete continence.

1651 Toward Christians who live in this situation, and who often keep the faith and desire to bring up their children in a Christian manner, priests and the whole community must manifest an attentive solicitude, so that they do not consider themselves separated from the Church, in whose life they can and must participate as baptized persons:

They should be encouraged to listen to the Word of God, to attend the Sacrifice of the Mass, to persevere in prayer, to contribute to works of charity and to community efforts for justice, to bring up their children in the Christian faith, to cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore, day by day, God’s grace.159

Thank you for the response. I appreciate your help and references. I will keep praying.

You should ask your priest about radical sanitation which would allow you to have your marriage validated without involving your spouse in the proceedings. This will open you up to a full Sacramental life again. Pax et Bonum. There is an article on this on this site.

Here’s the thing, if you are living in sin and do not want to change how things are, whats the value of confession? You sin again as soon as you go home, there doesn’t seem to be a genuine desire for spiritual reformation and repentance.

If your marriage situation is sinful and you recognize and acknowledge that, and have no plans on changing it in the forseeable future, then don’t go to confession. You can and you may, but I may ask what is the point if you are not repentant about your sinful situation nor are you trying to do anything to correct it.

if there is not the firm purpose of amendment…confession of mortal sins is not valid. Which would seem to include the earlier one as well…for one can not confess one mortal sin without the others…or confess one and intend to continue others…such sins will need to be confessed again once one repents and has the firm purpose of amendment…

I am not sure he doesn’t want to - I think his priest has given him bad advice. That is why I brought up radical sanitation which will bring him back to both Confession and the Eucharist.

Check out this article on Radical Sanitation

Thank you everyone again for taking the time to answer my questions. The reason I have no intention of getting the marriage properly blessed is because my husband is Muslim and under Islamic law if I convert to another faith he will have to divorce me. Muslim men are allowed to be married to non-Muslims, but not apostates. This is not something that he wants, but is what it is because of Sharia law. So, I am pretty much living my faith in secret. This also means that there is no way that he could be a part of the marriage becoming validated. The priest advised me the way he did because he saw me as a baptized Catholic and stated that it was much like Catholics who live in countries where they can not openly practice out of fear. He also was concerned for my children. I am beginning to realize that there is no way that I will be accepted back fully into the church. Although I do continue to go to daily mass and do find comfort in that. I cannot jeopardize my family and what is an otherwise secure, happy situation for the children because I made a mistake on my faith journey. All I can do is throw them pebbles along the way so that they may be led to the truth as they get older. My destroying the family would likely push them further away from this path. Hopefully the Lord will see my intentions.

I also wanted to say thank you for the link to the article about Radical Sanation. This was helpful.

The Radical Sanitation can also be done without your husband ever knowing- however if you think he will divorce if he finds out about your faith than you really need to give some thought to the validity of your marriage if you did have it sanitized and whether it is worth working on. Yes, Christ stands against divorce - unless the marriage is unlawful. This may also be why your priest did not mention this option. You have a lot of thinking to do here.

Her husband may not be one who would marry other women, but under Islamic law, he can have up to 4 wives. He may not be the type who would, but legally if he even suspects that she is reverting back and renouncing Islam, he can take her children from her. He does not have to divorce her, he can simply force her to live in limbo while he lives and makes children with another wife. He could also kill her for the loss of honor to himself.

I am not saying that her husband would do any of these things. But under Sharia law, he could do any and all of them.

Unless she is in the states or other such country not run by Sharia law in which case he can divorce her in court and there will be a custody battle just like everyone else.

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