I went to Confession today and, as is common, I come out of Confession feeling unforgiven, like I somehow botched it up and invalidated it. Several concerns from today:
- I forget things that I meant to Confess, but remembered later. Some of them were even written on my ‘sin list’ I’ve started using, but I guess didn’t see them (it gets kind of packed as I keep adding things I remember or days go by).
- I always worry that I don’t go into enough detail or go into misleading detail or lie or something.
- I used the term ‘cybersex’ to to primarily describe the sin I used to call ‘sexual role-playing games’. I did this so that if I have to discuss an RPG issue that is not sexual (i.e. see this thread: forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=382467), I have less chance of being misunderstood (after all, it sounds odd if I start talking about sexual and non-sexual RPGs).
- I listen to Priest’s advice on what to mention and not mention (i.e. in terms of, for example w/ the cybersex/sexual RPG issue, there is no need to go into detail on the age of the participant, which is always 16+) and what things are sins and what things are not (i.e. I have been told by at least one Priest and one orthodox Catholic layperson that, in non-sexual RPGs, playing important characters, including clergy, is not sinful or, on another more real life note, that desiring validation/respect/love from people/groups of people I view as important such as Sorority girls *, clergy, etc. is not a sin either), but then when I willfully don’t mention these issues, a part of me worries I have invalidated the Confession (it’s almost like I worry that by withholding things that are either only venial sins, not even sins at all or are details that are unnecessary, that I invalidate the Confession).
Sometimes, it’s like I worry then when I died, God will find a technicality I missed so He can send me to Hell.
EDIT: I received Communion after Confession (at my parish, Confessions are heard before Daily Mass on M-F) and then I worry that, if my Confession was invalid, not only did I commit the sin of invalidating the Confession, but also receiving Communion unworthily.
EDIT 2: Another thing is that, once I finish the Confession and the Priest starts pronouncing Absolution, it’s like my mind runs a mile-a-minute to try and find more sins to Confess. If I do find something more to confess, I am afraid to interrupt the Priest, but when I don’t, I then worry I withheld something.
EDIT 3: Also, today, I worried I lied to the Priest. When the Priest was assigning a Penance, he asked if I prayed the Rosary and I told him that it is tough for me to pray it since I get distracted and get intrusive thoughts and this is true and I used to pray it with difficulty, but I somehow worry that I lied to the Priest and that I’m even lying now.*