Confession before communion...bothering me so


#1

i go to mass and receive communion daily. it would be kind of embarrassing for me if i don't receive communion when everybody else does since there aren't many who attends mass daily in our parish.

i had the thinking before that if i do commit adultery, i might transfer to another religion.

i have never committed adultery. but it has come to my knowledge that there are many other sins that when committed, would disallow one to receive communion.

im 37. ive been pleasing myself sensually for a very long time. 2 times i've confessed to doing it and am still doing it. old habits die hard. i don't plan to confess it again on my next confession since i don't think i'll be able to refrain from doing it in the near future.

so, if i'm NOT really a scrupulous person, can i receive communion without confessing that sin (for now)

Almost always my confessor tells me not to be too hard on myself. so i'm thinking, maybe i can cut myself some slack and disregard the thought of masturbation being a mortal sin

hopefully, those who would answer me would be more compassionate. thanks


#2

Hmmm

You are aware that masturbation is wrong and you have confessed this in the past - GOOD

You think

it would be kind of embarrassing for me if i don’t receive communion when everybody else does since there aren’t many who attends mass daily in our parish.

BAD - you are clearly aware you should not receive communion while not is a state of grace.

i had the thinking before that if i do commit adultery, i might transfer to another religion.

You think then it would be OK to commit adultery - which you obviously know is wrong ? Oh and add to this - you think it would be OK to leave the Church .

i don’t plan to confess it again on my next confession since i don’t think i’ll be able to refrain from doing it in the near future.

referring to masturbation again- you think avoiding the issue is OK because you intend to carry on masturbating

so, if i’m NOT really a scrupulous person, can i receive communion without confessing that sin (for now)

You are not contrite about committing that sin , you really don’t want to confess it as you think you are not strong enough to try and avoid it and you are asking us if you can Receive while you still have unconfessed sin ??

You really do need to talk to your priest and get some help with your understanding of sin and confession


#3

Wow, i'll just say that to commune with someone you and the person must have someting that unites you. Do you want to unite Christ with sin? Communion is not compulsory, and since you have said that you attend mass daily, I feel it is safe to conclude that you are struggling with this. If you have commited a mortal sin, however, it means that you need to struggle harder to refuse yourself and choose God. You shouldnt receive communion when in a state of mortal sin no matter what, or how repentant you may feel. Receivin communion in a state of mortal sin is equivalent to administering poison to a sick man. Only tragedy can come out of it. During the time for communion, do a spiritual communion instead and tell Jesus that you want to be free from the bondage of mortal sin so that you can truly receive him.
Go to confession please, brother. Go as many times as you need it and do not be ashamed. He rejects no one who comes to Him with faith and contrition. Forget about how you look or whos watching. it's Him you need to please not humans.

If you struggle seriously you will overcome. Many have done so. Join the winning team!:gopray:


#4

[quote="The_Idiot, post:2, topic:302055"]

You think then it would be OK to commit adultery - which you obviously know is wrong ? Oh and add to this - you think it would be OK to leave the Church .

[/quote]

so so sad but true. ive been separated from my husband for over a year now and life does get lonely and oh so depressing at times.

and really, I've prayed and have been praying for Jesus to fill the emptiness in me with His love so that He might be sufficient, which should be the case. but....the flesh is weak.


#5

i am really really hoping that someone would say that masturbation is not a mortal sin. that maybe for younger people it is a sin, but to older ones, it is not.
pretty much like the “strong parental guidance” advisory or the like on tv where adults can watch and the youngsters can’t.


#6

[quote="pink8888, post:5, topic:302055"]
i am really really hoping that someone would say that masturbation is not a mortal sin. that maybe for younger people it is a sin, but to older ones, it is not.

[/quote]

It is a mortal sin, for anyone. It's as simple as that. Don't kid yourself. No you** cannot **receive the Eucharist without confessing your sin, and you absolutely cannot go to Confession and withhold your sins because your confession would be inherently invalid.

Old habits may die hard but it is not impossible. You are not the only person who struggles with this and there are many, many people who have been able to change their lives. Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about God. There are so many resources out there to help. You just have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide to make a change.


#7

[quote="PerfectTiming, post:6, topic:302055"]
Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about God. There are so many resources out there to help. You just have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide to make a change.

[/quote]

ouch. really, that hurts


#8

While we are terrible at judging our own sins, others are even worse. Listen to your priest, not a bunch of strangers on the internet.

Not receiving communion is a bit embarrasing but I try to offer it to God. Maybe someone will see me and wonder if they should be receiving. It would be harder in a small community where everybody knows you. I have the luxury of annonimity.


#9

[quote="pink8888, post:5, topic:302055"]
i am really really hoping that someone would say that masturbation is not a mortal sin. that maybe for younger people it is a sin, but to older ones, it is not. pretty much like the "strong parental guidance" advisory or the like on tv where adults can watch and the youngsters can't.

[/quote]

I'm sure you can find someone that will tell you it's okay, but that doesn't change the reality that it's not. It's wrong regardless if you are 19 or 90. Age does not change the fact that it uses sexual pleasure in a purely selfish way.

One of the things to think on is issues of pride. Embarrassment seems to be common in why you avoid doing what is right. It doesn't sound like you disagree about receiving while in a state of sin, but let your embarrassment override your judgement. Don't worry about what others think at daily mass, but think on the pain you cause the lord to receive if you are in a state of sin.

A final thought. As long as you aren't planning on committing the same sin you can still receive absolution. Might you fall? Yep, but it might be longer each time before you stumble. I find those sins we just can seem to stop doing become easier to resist when we confess them time and time again. After walking into confession for the tenth time and saying "Bless me, father. Ditto the last 10 confessions." I find that I am more aware of the sin and more likely to stop. If confession stays your hand an extra two days then maybe next time it will be an extra week.


#10

It may hurt Pink8888, but it’s the truth.

Been where you are, still am on some days!
The prayer says “your will be done”, not my will and
it’s the hardest thing I have ever had to learn,
and one that has given me the best “reward”-
a relationship with a God who loves me so much,
He gave up His life for me.

I would strongly urge you to find a Spiritual Director/regular confessor .


#11

the following i got from a good soul who sent me a pm regarding my concern:

it may not be a mortal sin depending.

this is from the catechism. see the bold part.

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."137 "The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose." For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."138

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability.


#12

[quote="Oneofthewomen, post:10, topic:302055"]

I would strongly urge you to find a Spiritual Director/regular confessor .

[/quote]

i am making this present confessor of mine my regular confessor. he did mention to me that i should have a spiritual director on my first confession with him, but he did not volunteer himself and i was afraid to ask. he's our parish priest and is a very busy person.

the thing is, i've twice confessed to doing it and he did not seem to think it to be so so bad since he did not ask me about it or even talked about it. which was a good thing since i'd be so embarrassed.

and there's that statement of his that i should not be too hard on myself - though maybe not directly related to this act in question.


#13

[quote="pink8888, post:11, topic:302055"]
the following i got from a good soul who sent me a pm regarding my concern:

it may not be a mortal sin depending.

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability.

[/quote]

"Lessen or extenuate" being the keys words. Nowhere does it say that it then doesn't become a mortal sin. Plus, you have stated that it is a grave matter, that you are fully aware that it is grave matter, that you willfully participate in this sin. By your own admission you have stated the affirmative in all these things. It would be different if you were a 12yr old girl that accidentally found that touching was pleasurable out of ignorance and then continued in the sin. THEN it might actually NOT be a mortal sin. But when an adult admits that they started a habit that they knew was wrong, because "I'm lonely" that is completely different.


#14

[quote="Apagano, post:13, topic:302055"]
But when an adult admits that they started a habit that they knew was wrong, because "I'm lonely" that is completely different.

[/quote]

sorry but i didn't make myself clear on this. i started doing it WITHOUT knowing it to be a sin, until much much later.

and really, it's more than just loneliness. but yeah, doesn't change anything


#15

[quote="pink8888, post:7, topic:302055"]
ouch. really, that hurts

[/quote]

I am sorry to have to be harsh but sometimes the truth hurts. You are trying to weasel your way out of it rather than admitting your faults. You are not a child, you can take responsibility for your actions and your own sins. You came here looking for someone to tell you that it's okay and you can just keep doing it. That's not going to happen, so face up to the facts. You are committing a mortal sin, and you know it. You can stop, you just have to make that decision. It won't be easy, but that doesn't make it impossible. Whether you want to keep living in mortal sin is entirely up to you.

[quote="pink8888, post:14, topic:302055"]
sorry but i didn't make myself clear on this. i started doing it WITHOUT knowing it to be a sin, until much much later.

and really, it's more than just loneliness. but yeah, doesn't change anything

[/quote]

Whether you knew when you started is irrelevant. You know now. As others have said, you have admitted to all the conditions necessary for mortal sin.


#16

[quote="pink8888, post:14, topic:302055"]
sorry but i didn't make myself clear on this. i started doing it WITHOUT knowing it to be a sin, until much much later.

[/quote]

But since you now know it is a sin, you would need to confess it

and really, it's more than just loneliness. but yeah, doesn't change anything

Nope, it sure doesn't.


#17

[quote="PerfectTiming, post:6, topic:302055"]
It is a mortal sin, for anyone. It's as simple as that. Don't kid yourself. No you** cannot **receive the Eucharist without confessing your sin, and you absolutely cannot go to Confession and withhold your sins because your confession would be inherently invalid.

Old habits may die hard but it is not impossible. You are not the only person who struggles with this and there are many, many people who have been able to change their lives. Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about God. There are so many resources out there to help. You just have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide to make a change.

[/quote]

Masturbation is NOT ALWAYS a mortal sin. I suggest you read more on what constitutes a mortal sin.

A mortal sin requires 3 conditions:
- Grave matter.
- Full knowledge of how grave it is.
- Complete freedom.

People with addiction to it or who have a habit don't always have Complete freedom, so sometimes, if you really are struggling to quit, and you confess and maybe one day you fall and you confess again, it may not always be a mortal sin (it would be if you're feeling strong and you just do it because you feel like). You should talk to a priest about this.


You can always do an act of perfect contrition (maybe not your case since youre not repented wholeheartedly), and have communion and then go to confession as soon as you can.

There are more grave things in your post than masturbation. The idea for instance that you're part of the church and go to mass etc but if you fall to adultery you'll just leave, that kind of shows God the place you give Him in your life. He must be a priority, and give yourself entirely to Him and He will give you all you need. Aquinas wisely said "No man can live without delight, and that is why a man deprived of spiritual joy goes over to carnal pleasures".. What you need to do is ask God to fix this and show you His love, when you experience it, you won't even dare compare it against carnal pleasures. I am at war against masturbation myself, it has been a nail in my heart for so long now, and ever since I started doing Eucharistic Adoration, it is changing! :D I couldn't be happier. Follow my advice, talk to a priest, if you need help, ask me.. You have no idea what you are missing on.


#18

[quote="pink8888, post:12, topic:302055"]

the thing is, i've twice confessed to doing it and he did not seem to think it to be so so bad since he did not ask me about it or even talked about it. which was a good thing since i'd be so embarrassed.

and there's that statement of his that i should not be too hard on myself - though maybe not directly related to this act in question.

[/quote]

I have confessed it every 5 days with the same priests over the past year... You think confessing it twice is embarrassing? haha.. i am finall starting to get over it, it is a cross my friend, confess it every day if you must. Don't be ashamed or shy, that's what the devil wants. Picture my face every time I go to the same priest to confess the same thing every week.. sometimes twice a week! as long as it takes... Don't let it beat you... If you love God, nothing, and I mean NOTHING will stop you from getting closer to Him, not even this sin. So have trust, have love, have patience and have faith. Pray like everything depends on God, act like everything depends on you.


#19

[quote="PerfectTiming, post:6, topic:302055"]
It is a mortal sin, for anyone. It's as simple as that. Don't kid yourself. No you** cannot **receive the Eucharist without confessing your sin, and you absolutely cannot go to Confession and withhold your sins because your confession would be inherently invalid.

[/quote]

One can also not go to confession and confess a mortal sin without a firm purpose of amendment to stop committing that sin.

Please, just stop receiving communion. You're only harming yourself more and more with every sacrilegious communion, which, even if you do confess doing so and are absolved, you still must make reparation for every.single.sacrilegious.communion. Please stop. You're essentially throwing Jesus into the sewer. Don't worry about being embarrassed about not receiving communion. For all anyone knows, you could have not fasted the appropriate amount of time.


#20

[quote="pink8888, post:11, topic:302055"]
the following i got from a good soul who sent me a pm regarding my concern:

[/quote]

I'm sure he or she was a good soul, but so are the people here who are telling you the hard truth.

[quote="pink8888, post:11, topic:302055"]
it may not be a mortal sin depending.

[/quote]

This is technically true.

An individual instance of self-abuse may not be a mortal sin. However, a general attitude that says, I'm not going to try to stop because I have no intention of succeeding, probably is a mortal sin. You have to try, even if you fail.

And something else: Receiving the Eucharist when in a state of mortal sin is itself a mortal sin. It is grave matter, and now that you have been told (if by any chance you had never been told before), you have full knowledge. Embarrassment at staying in your seat, unless you have some sort of mental illness, does not fall under the conditions mentioned in the Catechism.

Basically, you have to try to stop. You may think that you will not succeed, and that's OK. However:
[LIST]
*]You may not give up trying because you are afraid of failure. You must intend not to do it again.
*]God will help you in your sincere efforts. You probably can't stop on your own, but that doesn't mean you can't stop with God's help.
*]The sacrament of Confession will give you grace to help in your struggle. You must decide to go to Confession after each time, before you receive the Eucharist again. The knowledge of your embarrassment in Confession, and also your embarrassment at not receiving the Eucharist, may even help you stop doing it.
*]Pray to God to ask for his help as well. Pray each time before you allow yourself to do it.
[/LIST]

And I don't think the priest not asking questions about it indicates that "he did not seem to think it to be so so bad." For one thing, there aren't a lot of details that he would need to know. I mean, for a theft, the amount stolen, the relationship between you and the victim, and the extent of your financial need would all be things he would need to know to determine the type of sin it is. For this sin, there isn't really anything like that he would need to know. Also, I'm sure he is aware that people confessing that sin are embarrassed, and he doesn't want to make it harder for them.

But frankly, even if he didn't think it was that bad, it doesn't mean he was right about that. The Church says it is always grave matter. The only things that can make it less serious are if you didn't know that it was grave matter or if you are not in control of your own actions. It's possible that because of the habitual nature of the sin, you are not 100% in contol of your actions. But you do have to try to gain that control, through prayer and frequent Confession.

God loves you and wants you to be free of this sin. He will help you if you try.

God bless you,

--Jen


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