Confession before marriage blessing

I am a cradle catholic who hasnt practiced my faith in almost 20 years. My husband recently obtained an anullment from his first marriage and wants to have our marriage blessed in the church ( we have been married for over 18 years). I was told that I might have to go to confession before we do this blessing and I am mortified as I hated confession and DO NOT want to go…is it necessary??? Does anyone know???
Tara

yes it is necessary to be in the state of sanctifying grace before receiving sacraments of Eucharist, confirmation, matrimony, and holy orders, and if one is conscious and able to do so, confess before anointing of the sick (otherwise that sacrament returns one to the state of grace). Objectively, someone living in an invalid marriage has not been in communion with the Church and has been in a state of sin during that time. Subjectively, I have no idea what your spiritual condition is, so take it to the priest in confession and simply tell him the facts, and any other sins of your past life you can recall. Even those you don’t remember will be absolved and washed away for good. If it is the idea of confessing to a priest who knows you that bothers you, go to another parish. If it is the idea of confessing face to face that is disconcerting, kneel in front of the screen and remain anonymous. If it is the idea of the confessional box itself that brings back bad memories, ask to meet outside in the pews, or even on the parish grounds.

God bless you for responding to the grace of the Holy Spirit in returning to the sacraments especially that of matrimony. Jesus is ready to pour his grace on you and draw you to himself, and that begins in sacramental confession. Don’t deny yourself that ocean of love and mercy. Welcome home. The graces will shower down on you and your family through this reconciliation. That sound you hear is the angels rejoincing in heaven.

If you go to confession only because you feel forced to do so, your absolution will not be valid and you will make a mockery of the sacrament. You must be truly sorry for your sins and sincerely want not to repeat them. If that is not how you feel, I think you should discuss this with the priest and perhaps your husband as well.

I too was always afraid of confession. When I came back to the faith and had my marriage blessed, I also had to do a 25 year confession. Since then I have learned to love the sacrament and go monthly, fo we do not know when he will come for us, like a thief in the night. i will keep you in my prayers.

Just because you are encouraged to go to confession does not mean that you are not sorry for your sins. The priest can not force you to take confession, but you can not force him to marry you either.

I too was always scared of confession. It is the time to bear all, and fess up to all. But I started going to confession again just before I got married. On my wedding day, there was no way I wanted to get married without one. I felt so much better, so much closer to God, and so much more ready to make such a vow in front of God afterward. Now I go regularly.

My questions to you are:

Why are you seeking to get married in a church?
Why are you really seeking to make these vows in front of God instead of a judge?
Is your purpose for the marriage to get closer to God?

Remember that the main purpose of marriage is to bring you closer to God. The purpose of confession is the same. Besides… It wont hurt. The priest in not going to bite. Give it a shot and you may find out you like it.

Bishop Sheen said something along the lines of ‘The non-catholics have all their psychologists. Catholics have confession.’ If someone knows the quote, I would love to see it sited. :slight_smile:

God Bless,
Cymonk

Most of us are nervous before confession. It means admitting our failures to live the live to which we are called. That is never easy. It requires humility, being honest with ourselves.
The Sacrament is about the restoration of our relationship with God. It is rightly called the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It is God’s grace we receive. It is God’s grace that pulls us across the chasm that separates sinful man from God. Grab hold of the lifeline that is being offered through the Sacrament.

Thank you to everyone for your input. I will probably talk to our parish priest. To answer a couple of questions raised in replies: I have been married to my husband for over 18 years already and with the marriage blessing I don’t intend on returning to the church regardless if I choose to go to confession. The ONLY reason I will go to confession (if I am told I have to go) will be for his benefit so he can receive the sacrements. At this time I am not interested in going to mass or receiving any of the sacrements. Again, thank u for your responses
Tara

If you don’t mind would you let us know what the priest says / does in this situation?
Thanks

Well I am glad you are willing to do this for your husband, it is very loving of you, and shows a great amount of love for him that you are willing to do go outside your comfort zone. I definitely suggest speaking with your priest about all of your feelings. He is there to help. As others have said, he doesn’t bite.

I am curious, if you are willing to share, why it is that you don’t want to receive any sacraments or go to Church? Thanks

To answer your question(s), I simply have fallen away from the church, for years thought maybe “someday” I would return but after 20 years I am just not interested anymore and this annulment process has been an absolute nightmare for both my husband and our marriage which just intensified my distrust with the church. We still haven’t had our marriage covalidated because of recommendations of the tribunal that had to be fulfilled beforehand, now that we finished that we can set a date…within the next couple of weeks but I am not going to go to confession because our priest said that “I should go but he can’t make me go”, so I am opting out because I don’t intend to practice the faith in any way, including taking communion. I want a simple 10 minute get together, just my husband and myself to get this covalidation done but our priest thinks our kids should be there and some witnesses and now its turning into a mess…I was willing to use the church secretaries as witnesses just to get it over with. I am beginning to think this was just the beginning of a long fight. I also believe that its wrong to ask any family, friends, or our children to be there because in the eyes of the church we are fixing a mistake and I don’t think it needs to be announced how awful we are, living in sin all these years and now having to take our vows over AGAIN. Besides the children would be learning that its ok to get married “after” they were born, so we have a huge amount of decision making to do in the next couple of weeks. Also we DONT live as “brother and sister”, that to me, is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard suggested by anyone. So, as you can see I am not in accordance with the churches beliefs and will struggle to just get this done so my poor husband can go to confession and communion…it hardly seems worth it in my eyes but he is determined and I love him so I will “go thru with the drama” to make him happy.
Tara

as a wife this is your duty in any case. As he is or wants to be reconciled with the Church quite frankly you have no right to hinder him. Yes since both of you are Catholic you must each make a sacramental confession in order to be receptive of the graces of the sacrament of matrimony. Whether or not you confess yourself, the marriage will still be valid, and enable your husband to return to the Eucharist and full communion with the Church–and save his immortal soul, if that is a concern of yours. The status of your children, or those of his first marriage (if any) is not affected one way or another by either the annulment or the convalidation so that is a non-issue. Yes you can have as quiet and private a ceremony as you wish, with only the witnesses required by law who can by anyone. I have no doubt your husband will be praying earnestly, as we are, for your own restoration to the Church and the graces of Christ mediated in her sacraments, as we will do here. There needs to be no drama unless you choose to add it by your own reactions and comments. If Christ could put up with the drama of persecution and death to save us from our sins, we can certainly make an effort to ask for and receive the graces he so merited for us.

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