Confession connundrums


#1

Hi.

Today I got back from confession and helped my mother make the beds. It came out in conversation that I had gone to cofession because I was in mortal sin, and I told her that my sins were sufficiently bad to warrant both spiritual and physical death. She then demanded I tell her which sins I had committed, but I viewed this as private information between me and God and did not do so. I did convey their severity, though. Should I have told her what she wanted to know?


#2

If you want to guard your privacy then it’s best to start at the beginning of the conversation. If you say “My sins were sufficiently bad to warrant both spiritual and physical death” then how did you expect her to reply? The logical answer seems to be “What in the world did you do?”

If you want to keep something private, then keep it private. Don’t discuss your confession or the nature of your sins outside the confessional.


#3

Indeed, but it just sort of came up in conversation.


#4

God, his priest ,and you should be the only ones who know about what sins you commit.


#5

In the future, don’t talk to your mother about this, this is btwn you ,the priest and God…


#6

The fact you went to confession, or even were in a state of mortal sin was not anything you even needed to tell your mother. That’s between you and God.


#7

I don’t know your mom’s personality, so I don’t know if this would work or not, but you could always say something like, “It doesn’t matter now. The Lord has forgiven me!”


#8

I think I essentially did.


#9

Hmm . . . if you have to borrow the car to go to confession, then your parents know where you are going! It’s a tough spot to be in.

When my kids mention they are going, I just bite my tongue and thank God they are at least going to confession. :thumbsup: I never ask why.


#10

One of the hardest phrases to learn how to say in this life is “Mother, that is really none of your business.” I don’t think I’ve really learned how to say it yet, either, but in your case, it seems essential. God bless you for trying to be a good son! :slight_smile:


#11

No, I wouldn’t mention the severity of your sins at all! When I have to get home how important it is for me to go, I just say, “I really need to go. I’m dwelling on my sins,” or, “It’s been awhile,” or (when I’m being funny), “You know that feeling when you really need to brush your teeth? That’s how my soul feels. I’m going to confession.”

Try not to mention that the sins were mortal or venial. Your mother probably thinks, A) maybe it wasn’t really mortal, let’s see what it was and then I can reassure him, or B) what in the world is he doing? Should I be in fear of his salvation?

Remember, once you’ve confessed something, it doesn’t exist. A saint once asked God about something he had confessed earlier, and God said, “What sins? I’ve forgotten about them.” So it’s no one else’s business.


#12

We have a rule in our house. If a kids says I need to go to confession ,they are taken. No questions asked. They know they can come to us if they want to discuss anything and they have brought many things to us.

Any mortal sin brings on death. That’s what mortal means. You need to learn to not bring up such a topic unless you were going to ask for advice or something.

However it is totally reasonable that this Mom asked because she has many things to be concerned about. A lot of time our sins don’t only affect us. She has a right to know if the cops are likely to be called by someone or some other serious consequence. She should be told if something was going on like using drugs or alcohol so that she could do her job as a Mother. So be careful about mentioning this type of thing and sounding an alarm for your Mother.


#13

*That is a good point, your last paragraph. I agree with others and you here, overall-don’t tell others about your confession. But, it makes sense that possibly your mother was concerned, fireproof. *


#14

You told your mom that you had been committing a sin that put your physical life in danger. ANY mother would be worried to hear that. She likely thinks you are doing major drugs or having sex with HIV positive people or driving drunk - her mind is racing with worry.

Out of kindness, do not say things like that to your mom unless you WANT to talk about it with her.


#15

If you want to guard your privacy then it’s best to start at the beginning of the conversation. If you say “My sins were sufficiently bad to warrant both spiritual and physical death” then how did you expect her to reply? The logical answer seems to be “What in the world did you do?”

If you want to keep something private, then keep it private. Don’t discuss your confession or the nature of your sins outside the confessional.

Agreed. Given what you told your mother, you can’t really blame her for being curious. Heck, I’m curious! :smiley:


#16

nope she has no right to ask that is a violation of canon law, but neither should you be volunteering information. It is enough to ask her to drive you to confession (I assume you are a minor and need a ride, or you would not even be mentioning the topic to your parent).


#17

It came up after the event - obviously OP wasn’t required to tell mother that he or she was going to confession beforehand. It came up afterwards. In such a situation one could always say something more general - ‘I went to church’, or something - rather than ‘I went to confession’.

As for revealing the contents of the confession - well, possibly among the sins was in fact a sin or two against their mother. THAT, probably, should be told to the mother in at least some circumstances.


#18

Now you have me interested in what you did. Never mind, I don’t want to know.

Stick to your guns that this is private. You may get grounded but offer it up!!!

Then never, never, ever say something like that again. God Bless you.


#19

Oh, I think you misunderstand me. I did not say that I was PUTTING my life in danger, just that my sins were bad enough that I deserved to die, both physically and spirtually.


#20

That is a really dramatic way of putting it. Chances are you have blown it out of proportion. After going to confession, you need to put whatever you did behind you. God has forgiven you. Going around telling people that you deserved to die is an indication that you have not forgiven yourself. One thing my priest has told me at confession is to say a prayer telling God that you accept his mercy. I think that is pretty important. Please take a minute to have a conversation with God and acknowledge that you accept his mercy, and then stop beating yourself up and condemning yourself.


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