So I was confessing a long list of sins. One of the sins in the middle of the list was unwanted lustful thoughts. While confessing this sin, I forgot some of the details (in fact, I still don’t remember the details). I also was embarrassed. I told him I wasn’t sure, but I think I saw an impure image online; However, I later remembered that it was probably text.
Was my confession valid? I think I was lying, but I don’t know.
I am going to be very blunt here,
OP, GET SOME HELP, NOW!!!
At least once a week, you ask a question like this, and you get the same answer, all the time.
Get a regular confessor/spiritual director and speak only with him about these issues, and obey him to the letter. You might want to consider metal health counseling too.
And NO EXCUSES! You need personal, individualized help. I fear the Internet and the forums may be feeding your scrupulosity, and maybe even encouraging it. Please, get help! This is not what God wants for any of His children.
You need to mention it in confession. I have a suspicion that the priest can probably tell somewhat anyway (they’re not dummies), but you’re not going to get the spiritual advice you need unless you are honest and swallow your pride.
Pride is a major stumbling block for many who need serious help. I’ve been there. I get it. Admitting you have a problem, to yourself, and especially to real people who know you in real life, is very, very tough. But you need to do it for your own good.
This is not some minor problem to be laughed off. This is serious stuff and needs to be put on a high priority level.
I don’t think so. I am just totally confused on sins, and I think I might be a pathological liar. I am not afraid of admitting problems. I just don’t see any problems here other than not understanding what grave matter is. :shrug:
Quite the contrary. You are not thinking clearly about yourself.
What is so obvious from your posts, you deny.
Ask your parents
YES, YOUR PARENTS
to take your to a Catholic counselor. They can get a recommendation from the Diocese.
You are confused because your RCIA experience apparently was unclear, or you only heard the parts that appealed to you. You are looking for the fast track to heaven, friend. No such thing. We all have trials. We all need to be humble and focused on heaven as our goal. However, you have this simplistic view of the interior and spiritual life.
Couple that with scruples, and your self-described non-supportive parents…recipe for disaster.
I’m very sorry you are going through this. But when many people tell you that something is not right…something is not right.
I get the feeling that you are not being forthright with your priest/confessor.
Lay it out for him.
Even the painful parts.
Especially the painful parts.
Everyone is praying for you, whether you realize it or not.
OneoftheWomen is right.
“I plan on getting around to it eventually”. **
See what I mean?
Speak to your confessor or parish priest about it anyway. If you are right, then he can help with your confusion, if that’s really all it is. From your position, you don’t have the perspective or the tools to determine whether scruples are truly an issue for you, but whether they are or not, you should let the priest know about your struggles, and go from there, so that he can help you get past them.
Being a pathological liar is a good reason to get counseling, also, so even if you aren’t struggling with scruples, you still have a reason to speak to the priest about these problems.
Thanks again for the replies! I would indeed like to see Father about scruples and clarification on sins.
Sadly, the reason I often turn to making lies or not getting around to doing things is because I don’t have the guts to say/do things. I am controlled by fear of what might happen, fear of punishment, or fear disapproval. My fears are often unfounded. I am trying my best to overcome these fears (as seen previously in some other of my threads concerning lies.)
I am confident I can stop lying; However, my problem is that lying has become a habit over a course of years. But I believe I can stop if I put my mind to it. Next time I feel a lie coming on, I will say in my head “I will not lie” and tell the truth even if it hurts.
I’m fairly sure that several of your threads have been rooted in fear about sins that this examination lists as being venial. If you have discomfort about such sins in the future, I do sincerely hope you at least glance at this document.
First “unwanted lustful thoughts” describes a temptation…not a sin. The three loci of temptation, classically expressed, are the devil, the world and the flesh. Thoughts can present themselves without being consciously evoked by us. Sin occurs if we choose by an act of the will to focus on and develop the thoughts.
Classically, the resolution by masters of the spiritual life is that one does not “combat” thoughts against chastity – as, psychologically, that can fix them all the more in the mind. If you don’t believe me, try the thought experiment: “Don’t think about an apple.” The more you sit and try not to think about an apple, the more apples come to mind.
Rather, the masters of the spiritual life say that one is best served by a simple rejection of the thought by an act of the will and then move the mind to be occupied by something else or engage in some other activity. Simply. Without any perturbation. Rather like diverting and distracting the attention of a child.
As a confessor, I don’t want morbid detail. It is simply not necessary…neither for me as the confessor nor for the penitent. If you are confessing thoughts against chastity – which have been willfully consented to and entertained – I certainly don’t need the imagery depicted for me…you have told me what the sin is by saying “thoughts against chastity”. You move on to the next sin.
Details really matter when they change the nature of the sin or they alter culpability. Stealing is one thing. Stealing a chalice alters the sin by compounding the sin of theft with the sin of sacrilege, as an example. Lying under oath is a sin…if you say what you believed was true but later found out that it was, in fact, incorrect you have not lied under oath even though what you said was erroneous. I say this because lying is an act of the will…it is not possible to not know if you have lied or not.
Oneofthewomen’s advice was strongly worded…but essentially correct. You need to work with one confessor to address scrupulosity in the internal forum and, in the external forum, to help you have a better catechesis on sin so that you may have a healthier and more helpful understanding of sin and its distinctions as well as temptations and their confrontation and how to self-assess the acquisition of subjective moral guilt.
And, yes, I don’t hesitate to say that your confession was valid.