Confession question

Today in confession a priest said. “You have been very disobedient in arguing in front of your kids with your husband. It is your role to be submissive to his authority no matter how wrong you thing he is. You need to be obedient.”

My husband had given our 17 year old a beer, and I didn’t think it was right. I take my baptisimal vows seriously, where I agree to reject Satan and all of his empty works and promises. I’m sorry, but when my husband teaches the kids about guns, beer, and fails to supervise their their purchase of video games, I take this seriously, and look at it as corruption.

Who is correct? Me or the priest?

All your threads taken together paint a picture of a parish unlike any that I have ever encountered. Is it a regular parish in a regular American diocese, or something different?

Betsy

As a father of 3 sons, I’d like to suggest that if at all possible you refrain from arguing in front of your children regardless. If you and DH have a disagreement, it should not be “argued” in front of your children. That being said, I will not broach passing judgment on who was correct (you or your priest) in the above situation since I am getting the feeling that there is more here than has been stated. I will say this however; a father and son’s relationship is different from that of the relationship shared between a mother and her son. You may not understand it but many fathers share time with their sons by taking them shooting, hunting, etc. Therefore, I would say that a father who teaches his son about guns is NOT “corrupting” him. You of course are free to disagree. As for the beer… was it a single beer or many? Having a beer is not a sin. In Europe, for example beer is sold at McDonalds and is available to anyone who can choke it down. Here in the US, we often seem to label alcohol as being sinful. It’s simply not the case. Drunkenness is a sin, not simply having a beer.

My father and I shared the occasion beer or glass of wine over dinner many times in my youth. (It was legal for a minor residing with parents to consume at home with parental consent.) I’ve even enjoyed the occasional glass of wine with parish priests.

The issue of alcoholism is a huge one; children who start consuming heavily in their youth almost always become alcoholics. Those who never have alcohol in their youth are at higher risk than those who were allowed the occasional moderate serving.

I disagree with the setting up a “who is right” kind of question, tho’. You may be right about your husband, but Fr. was probably dead on with the Pauline instructions. In any case, it’s best to argue about such in private.

What, that she “needs” to be obedient, “no matter how wrong you think he is”?

If that is in fact what the priest said, and not an interpretation or a mis-hearing, me, I’d be finding another confessor. Real quick like.

(BTW I’m a recreational shooter (female) and had my first beer before I was 17.)

If you wish to disagree with your husband, do so in private. But not in front of the kids. It’ll weaken the family ties: the kids will think mommy and daddy don’t agree on stuff so they can go to one when the other dosen’t let them get what they want.

I agree. I’ll work harder in the future on not arguing in front of the kids. I’m havinng a hard time reconciling the vow to reject satan, and accepting what my husband does sometimes. He is a bright, educated man who parents in ignorant ways sometimes, and i feel like i have to protect them from corruption. It feels like i’m fighting evil.

I think that there is a difference between what you have thus described and true evil. Praise God that you have a husband who is interacting with his children; too many fathers don’t. Please don’t be so quick to label something evil simply because you do not agree with it. God bless.

It is a regular American parish with hints of European influence due to our Sisters from Ireland, and a priest who is Candian French. The Pastor was brought up the west coast
of the US.-in his 50’s-Diocesan. We have three languages spoken in our parish and our Parish is very large-over 6000 families. Despite the size, the pastor is strict, and can be a micro manager to those who work closely with the parish. Our Bishop is equally
if not more strict, and in our Diocese, you don’t question authority. In the words of our Pastor, “Bishop____________gets what he wants, no questions asked, understood?”

And this is a bad thing?!

Answered over in Family Life, double post.

I’m a new member and I wasn’t sure which suject to put these under, so I entered twice. Is that ok?

It’s against forum rules. Just give your best guess about where to post. If it’s really in a bad place, mods will move it. If that happens and you can’t find it, search your own posts and you can find it that way.

Betsy

Ok, thank you:)

**Being correct or not correct is not the focus of Confession. Your SINS are, and their forgiveness. It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong, even thought the priest allegedly interjected his own opinion. The priest, however, could have suggested marriage counseling for both of you as there definitely are issues that need to be resolved. **

I don’t see how one’s baptismal vows exclude beer, firearms, or video games in and of themselves.

To expect a 17 year old male to avoid any of these things is unrealistic.

It might be illegal for him to drink at this age, but it’s better that his father control his consumption of alcohol than to forbid it at home and then have him driving around drinking with his friends–or by himself.

Read all of the threads she’s started. To put it sweetly, she seems to be hard to get along with.

Dear Cluny,
You have made it a point to come various threads and personally attack my opinions and character by saying that I’m “hard to get along with.” This is against forum rules and I will be reporting this. I would suggest you stay away form any forums of mine if you dont find them to be enlightening to you. It is okay to have different opinions other than what the priest and religious have. In fact, that is how they “test the spirits.” I’ve been tested a lot lately. To ask others for help when discerning the correct spiritual direction to go is what these forums are about. Once again, please be helpful.

First of all, what I offer is my opinion. I will not attempt to correct what your religious superior (which is really what your priest is) tells you in the confessional or in any other way. I will never say a priest is wrong unless he is advising you to sin or I am personally part of the situation and have an objective and valid reason to say so.

Further, we don’t know your full confession or the sins that you confessed (and I’m not asking you to say them). We also don’t know how well the priest knows you. All of that could have affected the advice the priest gave you. Which is why you should always follow his advice first, then the rest of us second.

Secondly, to answer your question. There is nothing sinful about guns. Guns are morally neutral. Even Jesus told his followers to keep a sword (the weapon of choice in His day). Guns can be used in very good ways. Hunting, sport, etc. Guns can be used in sinful ways, but so can knives.

There is nothing sinful about beer. Most states allow parents to give their children alcohol. As a parent, he is teaching his children about alcohol and it’s proper consumption. He is doing his job…parenting. The alternative methods for children to learn about alcohol are 1) an unsupervised party in a field somewhere where getting trashed is the only mentality, or 2) waiting until he is 21 and learning by binging.

Please tell us why you didn’t think him giving your son a beer was right. That will help us to better answer your question.

Not supervising their purchase of video games is the only area where there could be cause for concern. What types of games do they enjoy? If they like the “lighter” fare, then it’s not really a problem. If they would rather play Grand Theft Auto, then there is an issue. This is an area that may need to be talked about.

It all depends partially on where you are from, too. Your social upbringing, especially if different then your husbands, has a big impact. I’m originally from northern Wisconsin where deer hunting is still a time when most schools close for “vacation.” A son not bonding with his dad on the hunting land would actually be the exception to the rule. Not that we held it against anyone who didn’t hunt, but a vast majority did. And beer tends to be drank the night before the hunt. It was just the normal way of life.

Amen… from a former resident of Sheboygan :smiley:

It seems to me there are at least three issues here.

  1. wife’s disobedience to her husband

  2. two parents arguing in front of their children

  3. parental issues - differing values

  4. Disobedience. A husband is the spiritual head of the house. He is supposed to be an example of Christ in service and in moral/spiritual guidance. Everything we do in life, no matter what state (married, single, etc.) involves spiritual issues and we should try to be Christ-centered in all taht we do, remembering that Christ is the authority. Unfortunately, the concept of a husband’s headship within a family has been misinterpreted by a great many people to mean the man can be a dictator and can be “the boss” in every matter, temporal or spiritual. It is a matter of leadership, not one of power or control. It is about striving for unity in Christ as a couple and as a family, not “I am right and you are wrong.” It is about obedience to Christ.
    Ephesians 5:21: Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.] I think both you and your confessor could work on more enlightenment about the concept of obedience/disobedience.

2 and 3. It is a prudent practice for parents to work out their parenting issues privately, out of the sight and earshot of their children. Sometimes, however, it can be hard for one parent not to disagree with the other in front of the children, when they have failed to discuss and resolve issues privately and comprehensively. Disagreements are inevitable, but “how” parents disagree with each other is an important life-lesson for their children. Hopefully they’re respectful toward each other. If the disagreeing parent is uncharitable in the way he/she disagrees with something (by yelling, demeaning the other spouse, etc.), then that behavior is the sin, albeit venial (unless there is violence or verbal abuse, which can be mortal sins). The disagreement part in itself may not be a sin though, and I hope your confessor doesn’t think that’s the case. Perhaps you are misunderstanding your confessor’s words and are jumping to conclusions.

It seems that you and your husband disagree about some values and need to more fully discuss them, coming to agreement about how to approach them in the raising of your children.

Please talk with your husband – “Honey, can we talk about “issue A” and “issue B” tonight at 7:00 after “son B” leaves for the movie, because I’m feeling stressed about your handle on these issues. I’d like us to present a more united front as parents. And by the way, I love you – no matter what.” Then pray, for yourself and for your husband.

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