My fiance and I were born and raised Catholic. My family was more strictly Catholic than his, and they stopped sending him to CCD classes before his confirmation. He never got confirmed, and I didn’t realize this until just now, when I asked his mother to send me all the paper work the priest needs. My fiance insists he doesn’t have the time to go through a whole bunch of group classes before the wedding. Does anyone know if there’s a private way confirmation can be done? And do priests sometimes make an exception to that rule? I feel stuck here between my fiance being mad I didn’t realize he didn’t need to get confirmed earlier (though I thought he was) and a time crunch with the wedding.
ordinarily a Catholic is required to complete his Christian intiation before attempting marriage. refusal to do so can raise questions on his sincerity in the practice of the faith, and his intent to follow Church laws, not only on marriage but in other areas. If there is a real time problem, the classes can be completed and he can be confirmed after the wedding if the date has already been set. But this would have to be at the discretion of the pastor. Does he have “time” to do the pre-marriage preparation meetings or are they also of low priority. If there is a real grave reason-military deployment, required business travel etc, the pastor can make and exception, but it is his call since he has jurisdiction over reception of sacraments by his parishioners.
if he was well catechized, is practicing the faith and simply did not get confirmed and the usual age, he may need only a minimal preparation and catechesis on the sacrament itself. However, Confirmation is usually reserved by the bishop to himself, and unless there is a good reason (danger of death etc) he does not have to confirm before the date he would normally do so in your diocese. I would get together immediately with the pastor on this.
This usually arises when the couple brings in their new baptismal certificate (which they are required to obtain), and the problem shows up with those who drag their feet, because they may not have realized they were missing this sacrament. That is one reason couples are requested to come in to make plans for their wedding 6 to 9 months at least before their planned date, precisely so there is time to deal with situations such as this.
Gut reaction: postpone the wedding and make sure he REALLY is The One.
I was not confirmed when I got married, but I did have my other sacraments. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to get married without being confirmed but that’s not the case. For a long while I wanted to just do something speedy and be confirmed because I thought I knew enough about the faith.(I did a lot of study on my own when I was thinking of reverting) Well I’m in RCIA now about 6 weeks deep and I am so glad I did this. There is so much to learn and it is something I look forward too. I have to wait until Easter to be confirmed but its worth it. I recommend the same path for your fiancé. If you hurry he may be able to still get into a class. You should join him for support and to learn something yourself.