Confirmation Question...

Hello :slight_smile:

This is my first post/question in this forum, so please excuse me if this is not the correct section.

I was baptized Catholic and I made my First Reconciliation / First Holy Communion when I was younger. I never made my confirmation though, because my parents wanted me to make my own decision about that…so I basically said I would wait. For the longest time, I became distracted with school and life. I haven’t been to church in years (I have occasionally gone with my boyfriend to a non-denominational church) , but I do believe in God, Jesus, the Blessed Mother, and the saints. Throughout my life, there was always a tugging at my heart to go back to a catholic church because I do miss it. I’m going to college to become a history teacher, so I love reading about the saints. Their lives inspire me to be a good person. I’m now 23 years old and I still haven’t made my confirmation because the thought never crossed my mind until recently.

My main concern is this - I’m planning to move to another state sometime next year to rent an apartment with my boyfriend of over 6 years. We plan to get married someday. We love and respect each other immensely, so we are very serious in regards to staying together and having a life together. I’m also extremely close to his family, whom I love very much. My boyfriend is not a Catholic though. He’s not very religious so he doesn’t go to church every Sunday. He does believe in God and he does love Jesus Christ. His parents are the same way. They are all God loving people, but they just don’t go to a church every Sunday. Basically, I might want to make my confirmation sometime in the future after we move. I want to do this for my own spiritual and personal reasons. I do not want to impose the catholic practices onto my boyfriend though. If I make my confirmation, will we be allowed to have a beach wedding or a non-church wedding? We plan on having a beach wedding, but I also want to make my confirmation. I’m just confused because I hear people say that your spouse will have to take classes or that you must be married in the Catholic church. I don’t want my boyfriend or his family to feel uncomfortable. I am perfectly fine and open to them having their own beliefs and ways of loving God :slight_smile: I just want to make my confirmation for myself.

I have no idea if this was a silly question, or if I sound completely insane so I do apologize in advance.

By your baptism you are Catholic. You are obliged to follow the rules of the faith. Confirmation or not, you may not get married outside the Church, shack up with a boyfriend and flaunt God.

I have no idea why one would want to be confirmed in a faith that you would refuse. :shrug:

What would you be confirming?

It is good that you want to return. So to receive confirmation you should talk to a priest about it because there will no doubt be catechesis, and the sacrament of Penance before receiving the sacrament of Confirmation.

These are some of the issues pertaining to the sacrament of Matrimony.

The form of matrimony for a Catholic is a wedding in a Church, this is very important. Sometimes a dispensation is obtained to have a wedding in a non-Catholic church, but is seems this would not apply for you. You and fiance should be instructed on the meaning of Catholic marriage. You will need either a dispensation or permission to marry a non-Catholic and certify that you will not fall away from the Catholic faith as a result of marriage to a non Catholic. The Church must be certain they he (and you) is free to marry (investigation of any previous marriage) and that there are no impediments. You must promise to raise the children in the Catholic Church.

You cannot live together as husband and wife without actually being married with the approval of the Catholic Church, without causing scandal which is a sin, because you are a baptized Catholic.

Wow. :frowning: There is so much going on here, and apparently quite a bit of confusion on your part about what it means to be Catholic, that I think the best place to begin would be to speak with your priest about your situation.

Will pray for you. :slight_smile:

Thank you for the kind replies.

I would not have termed my reply “kind” perhaps it was quite short. However, you posted on a Catholic site about how to sacrilegiously enter into a sacrament. The internet is a hard place to figure out the questions of mankind. I find it best to just speak the truth.

I think you need to really question why you believe in the Blessed Mother and the saints and how it is illogical to do so while rejecting what the Blessed Mother and the saints would have you do. It is time to really ask yourself if you believe in Jesus and the Church He started. If you really believe in His Body and Blood. If you really believe in the authority of a Church that declares a saint, all the while rejecting the parts of that Church you find hard to hear. When Jesus gave the Bread of Life discourse in John Chapter 6, many said “this is a hard teaching” and they left him. His apostles did not. They said “Where should we go you have the words of eternal life”

Where will you go? Who has the words of eternal life? Why would you want to live in sin and away from God?

You should:
Read and learn about the faith. And talk to a priest.

And remember that the primary job of ones spouse is to help them get to heaven. So when you do finally marry, it is your duty out of love for your husband to will heaven for him. And the only way I know of to heaven is through the faith you have been baptized in. I am sorry that your parents fell into the trap of letting confirmation be a choice. In some rites it is done at baptism.

The Pope recently had this to say about confirmation. And a parents responsibility. It would seem to apply directly to your question.

From a January audience of Pope Francis:

Dear Brothers and Sisters, Good morning,

In this third catechesis on the Sacraments, we pause to reflect on Confirmation or “Chrismation”, which must be understood in continuity with Baptism, to which it is inseparably linked. These two Sacraments, together with the Eucharist, form a single saving event — called “Christian initiation” — in which we are inserted into Jesus Christ, who died and rose, and become new creatures and members of the Church. This is why these three Sacraments were originally celebrated on one occasion, at the end of the catechumenal journey, normally at the Easter Vigil. The path of formation and gradual insertion into the Christian community, which could last even up to a few years, was thus sealed. One travelled step by step to reach Baptism, then Confirmation and the Eucharist.

We commonly speak of the sacrament of “Chrismation”, a word that signifies “anointing”. And, in effect, through the oil called “sacred Chrism” we are conformed, in the power of the Spirit, to Jesus Christ, who is the only true “anointed One”, the “Messiah”, the Holy One of God. The word “Confirmation” then reminds us that this Sacrament brings an increase and deepening of baptismal grace: it unites us more firmly to Christ, it renders our bond with the Church more perfect, and it gives us a special strength of the Holy Spirit to spread and defend the faith, … to confess the name of Christ boldly, and never to be ashamed of his Cross (cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 1303).

For this reason, it is important to take care that our children, our young people, receive this sacrament. **We all take care that they are baptized and this is good, but perhaps we do not take so much care to ensure that they are confirmed. Thus they remain at a midpoint in their journey and do not receive the Holy Spirit, who is so important in the Christian life since he gives us the strength to go on. Let us think a little, each one of us: do we truly care whether our children, our young people, receive Confirmation? This is important, it is important! And if you have children or adolescents at home who have not yet received it and are at the age to do so, do everything possible to ensure that they complete their Christian initiation and receive the power of the Holy Spirit. It is important!
Naturally it is important to prepare those being confirmed well, leading them towards a personal commitment to faith in Christ and reawakening in them a sense of belonging to the Church.

Confirmation, like every Sacrament, is not the work of men but of God, who cares for our lives in such a manner as to mould us in the image of his Son, to make us capable of loving like him. He does it by infusing his in us his Holy Spirit, whose action pervades the whole person and his entire life, as reflected in the seven gifts that Tradition, in light of the Sacred Scripture, has always highlighted. These seven gifts: I do not want to ask you if you remember the seven gifts. Perhaps you will all know them… But I will say them on your behalf. What are these gifts? Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Fortitude, Knowledge, Piety and Fear of the Lord. And these gifts have been given to us precisely with the Holy Spirit in the Sacrament of Confirmation. I therefore intend to dedicate the catecheses that follow those on the Sacrament to these seven gifts.

When we welcome the Holy Spirit into our hearts and allow him to act, Christ makes himself present in us and takes shape in our lives; through us, it will be he — Christ himself — who prays, forgives, gives hope and consolation, serves the brethren, draws close to the needy and to the least, creates community and sows peace. Think how important this is: by means of the Holy Spirit, Christ himself comes to do all this among us and for us. That is why it is important that children and young people receive the Sacrament of Confirmation.

Dear brothers and sisters, let us remember that we have received Confirmation! All of us! Let us remember it, first in order to thank the Lord for this gift, and then to ask him to help us to live as true Christians, to walk always with joy in the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.


I greet all the English-speaking pilgrims present at today’s Audience, especially those from Scotland, Ireland and the United States. My special greeting goes to the pilgrimage group from the Diocese of Rapid City, accompanied by Bishop Robert Gruss. Upon you and your families I invoke God’s blessings of joy and peace!

I greet the families of workers from Shellbox Castelfiorentino with Cardinal Giuseppe Betori and, as I express my closeness, I also wish to express my sincere desire that every possible effort be made by the competent bodies to ensure that work, which is a source of dignity, be a central concern to everyone. May work not be lacking! It is a source of dignity!

I address a special thought to young people, to the sick and to newlyweds. This Friday we will celebrate the memorial of St John Bosco. Dear young people, may his role as a father and teacher accompany you during your years of study and formation. May you, dear sick, not lose hope even in the most difficult moments of suffering. And may you, dear newlyweds, be inspired by this Salesian’s model of love in providing an integral education for your children.

so your boy friend is not too religious and does not go to church…While, your heart tugs, and you are inspired by reading of the saints; want a spiritual life (per personal reasons)-but attaching -by situation you don’t want to make your boy friend uncomfortable…

if that is the observation -i will continue…perhaps, you have a tug and that is prayer-if so maybe in the future you might be a catalyst…to change the status quo. Of course, you cannot easily change people, nor be forceful…and a wedding now seems to have many catch-22’s…

Yet, call it challenges or hopeless…i ask what is fair to the dignity of the human person?
In pretext, a sacramental life makes a good prayer life…maybe i suggest something (more personal than theological-sorry about that )…this being a stretch of the imagination-but i believe that an omniscient God would draw you to himself, by calling you to prayer-this includes learning how to pray for others-intercessory prayers…
Prayer changes things…your soul lives…even with gentleness-drawing in your boy friend-into possibility of greater salvation-and leading you back to the church-and himself also…; as i read your post i learn that you love souls…

perhaps, further inquiry by meeting people in the church is a next step…but i don’t know for sure that you will ever get there, until an impulse and calling of prayer…; so consider personal prayer, as best you know how; therein doubts are reversed/ questions answered-as to God’s love-is it really conditional or unconditional? prayer tugs, prayer prompts-to make more apparent capacity to make decisions-prayer teaches of responsibility-and gives a reasons…Ultimately, prayer will be an act of contrition-it will be an awareness that you are loved by God…Perhaps, in the most basic essence-of your thoughts, maybe knowing the Love of God more fully is your impulse to write your post…fortunately on this forum-you ‘get’ the advice…and prayers for you and your family (REMEMBER-PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING!)God Bless-


First, I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling the call back home, and I will make sure to keep you and your boyfriend in my prayers.

Secondly, since you have been away from The Church for so long, you will most definitely have to go through RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) before you are confirmed. Please speak to a local priest about this. I would also suggest scheduling a confession with him, as it will help you out greatly as you get started on your journey home and also sort out some questions you may have.

Third, since Marriage is a covenant made with God, the proper place to say it is in a church before Him in The Most Blessed Sacrament. Not on a beach, although beaches are very beautiful places. As said before, the purpose of marriage is to help your spouse get to Heaven and to also participate in God’s creation by having children. It will be your duty to raise your children in faith. You will have to get a dispensation from your bishop in order to marry a non-Catholic, and you will also have to take marriage classes before hand. (I’ve heard these usually take around 6 months.)

Since your boyfriend loves you, and you’re falling back in love with your faith (which is a terrific thing, and I’m very happy that you are) I would try sharing your faith with him. Who knows, maybe he will fall in love with The Church just like you, and it’ll sort out everything, God willing that is. (of course, when I say share, I don’t mean shove it down his throat.)

Also, one more thing I would like to add that I think you should know, it that cohabitation is a sin. You may not have know this, so I doubt that you’ve committed a mortal sin, but I would not move in with your boyfriend before you marry. If he loves you, then he will understand. Here is a link I think you will find helpful that speaks more on cohabitation. Again, I refer that you speak to a local priest more on this issue, as he will be able to understand the issue better than people over the internet. (I find that misunderstandings are more common online than when speaking in person.)

On a final note, I would like to apologize on behalf of any of the commens who came off as harsh. It isn’t uncommon for us to come across fall away Catholics who want to come back, but refuse to accept The Church’s teaching, and some of us lose our patients easily. We are, after all, human.

Pax et Bonum

I say go for it, the confirmation and marriage are two different sacraments.

When you do the confirmation you learn alot more about catholicism due to the classes you have to take. After the confirmation you can make your choice on the wedding more enlightened.

If its “allowed” to have a beach wedding isn’t determined by whether you’ve done the confirmation or not so i see no downside to it. Ultimately the wedding planning will be your choice anyhow.

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