Confirmation Sponsor Obligations and my cousin left the Church


What do you do when your sponsored person falls away from the faith?

My cousin was raped two years after her confirmation, and has never been the same. She left the Church sometime soon after high school, now is married outside of the church with two young boys. Our fallen away aunt was instrumental in painting a horrific picture of the Church to her but I did my part in how I treated her in my judgement and rashness, being blind to her needs. We had a falling out when she was 16 (soon after her rape, which I was clueless about).

I also feel instrumental in her leaving as I was young as her sponsor and didn’t fulfill my duties that I now see were vital as her sponsor. I wasn’t strong in my faith at the time I sponsored her either. I went to mass but I won’t say I was very knowledgeable or honestly, I was kind of a snot.

I am praying a 54 Day Rosary Novena for her and for my diocese/bishop. Should I pray one for her alone?

What else can I do? Not really close to her at all to reopen this subject and I feel pretty much like a hypocrite to even go there with her.



You can pray through the intercession of St Maria Goretti, patron saint of rape victims. Time heals wounds, be patient and the appropriate time will come when you can reach out to her.


Fast in addition to the praying. Make your fast for your cousin.


God bless you for responding to your conscience, and for praying.

I think it would be great if you could write her and tell her these things that you have realized. It will plant some seeds that God can nurture. It also is a great act of humility. You can ask forgiveness, and express what you could have done better.


She will be in my prayers.

Pope St. John Paul II and Pope St. Paul VI please protect this beautiful daughter of God. Please help her to know the wonderful and infinite mercies of God, and the ultimate love of Jesus. Help her to love herself and others as Christ calls each of us to, and help her to return to the most merciful heart of Jesus in His time. Amen.


Pray for the people around her to witness the Gospel in a way that will heal her heart. Co-workers, friends, neighbors, people who have the same interests, are people in her life that can bring God’s love to her. Pray for them.

Thank you for your caring love for someone who has a difficult past.


How long ago was this?


Apart from praying for her, you can also offer Mass for her ,special intention,get her to talk


I already apologized several years after. However, I do agree that I need a better starting point with her if I wish to start sending her religiously based Christmas gifts and such…


Ahhhh a mass offering is a wonderful idea!


@poche - that she was confirmed? Our falling out? Her forgiveness of me? That she left the Church? Or what?


Fasting, yes.


Yes… that’s what I’ve been wondering. If I should
Pray for someone to come into her life or for a conversion experience of her own.


The Mass is the most perfect form of prayer!

Pope Paul VI

For each Mass we hear with devotion, Our Lord sends a saint to comfort us at death.

(revelation of Christ to St. Gertrude the great).

A single Mass offered for oneself during life may be worth more than a thousand celebrated for the same intention after death.

St. Anself

"If someone said to us, “At such an hour a dead person is to be raised to life, " we should run very quickly to see it. But is not the Consecration, which changes bread and wine into the Body and Blood of God, a much greater miracle than to raise a dead person to life? We ought always to devote at least a quarter of an hour to preparing ourselves to hear Mass well; we ought to annihilate ourselves before God, after the example of His profound annihilation in the Sacrament of the Eucharist; and we should make our examination of conscience, for we must be in a state of grace to be able to assist properly at Mass. If we knew the value of the holy Sacrifice of the Mass, or rather if we had faith, we should be much more zealous to assist at it.”

St. John Vianney
One Mass before death may be more profitable than many after it.

St. Leonard of Port Maurice

“The Holy Mass would be of greater profit if people had it offered in their lifetime, rather than having it celebrated for the relief of their souls after death”

Pope Benedict XV

Once, St. Teresa was overwhelmed with God’s Goodness and asked Our Lord “How can I thank you?” Our Lord replied, “ATTEND ONE MASS.”

Jesus Christ

"The Blessed Virgin Mary once told Her faithful servant Alain: “My Son so loves those who assist at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass that, if it were necessary He would die for them as many times as they’ve heard Masses.”

The Virgin Mary

“When we receive Holy Communion, we experience something extraordinary - a joy, a fragrance, a well being that thrills the whole body and causes it to exalt.”

Saint Jean Vianney

“If we really understood the Mass, we would die of joy.”

Saint Jean Vianney

“There is nothing so great as the Eucharist. If God had something more precious, He would have given it to us.”

Saint Jean Vianney

“When we have been to Holy Communion, the balm of love envelops the soul as the flower envelops the bee.”

Saint Jean Vianney

“The celebration of Holy Mass is as valuable as the death of Jesus on the cross.”

Saint Thomas Aquinas

“It would be easier for the world to survive without the sun than to do without Holy Mass.”

St. Padre Pio, stigmatic priest

“The Mass is infinite like Jesus. . .Ask an angel what the Mass is, and he will reply to you in truth,“I understand what it is and why it is offered, but I do not, however, understand how much value it has.” One angel, a thousand angels, all of Heaven know this and think like this.”

St. Padre Pio, stigmatic priest



“If we only knew how God regards this Sacrifice, we would risk our lives to be present at a single Mass.”

St. Padre Pio, stigmatic priest

“Renew your faith by attending Holy Mass. Keep your mind focused on the mystery that is unfolding before your eyes. In your mind’s eye transport yourself to Calvary and meditate on the Victim who offers Himself to Divine Justice, paying the price of your redemption.”

St. Padre Pio, stigmatic priest

“Every Holy Mass, heard with devotion, produces in our souls marvelous effects, abundant spiritual and material graces which we ourselves, do not know.”

St. Padre Pio, stigmatic priest

“The heavens open and multitudes of angels come to assist in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.”

Saint Gregory

“The angels surround and help the priest when he is celebrating Mass.”

Saint Augustine

“When Mass is being celebrated, the sanctuary is filled with countless angels who adore the divine victim immolated on the altar.”

Saint John Chrysostom



Wonderful quotes…

So you’re saying I can have a mass offered for her while she’s living? How would one phrase that?

Also, someone can have a mass offered for me?


You may have a mass said for anyone, living or dead.

Call your parish office, they will set it up!

“For the intentions of Sally Smith”

“For Sally Smith, on her Birthday”

“For the Smith Family”

“For a private intention” (if you wish it to remain anonymous).

For someone deceased it is:

“For the Repose of Joe Smith”


@ berniemcken

yea,i mean some think mass is offered only for the dead ,many didn’t know, we can offer masses for different intentions,like for repentance or for conversion of certain family member, ,for good health,on Birthdays,Baptism day,wedding Anniversaries, for peace and unity in the family and community,for good results in exams,for a successful operation, well the list goes on.

My sister keeps offering Masses for me ,believes me ,i have received unknown help, protection ,which saved me from so many traps,especial from sin. whenever i call my sister ,she would say i offered mass for you and another for your intentions, so its a big grace and a blessing in disguise,i recommend to all


All of that, How long ago was it?


Hmmm…confirmation probably 2006/2007, falling out 2009, forgiveness 2010, her leaving the church 2010/2011 (not quite sure)

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