So this has been eating away at me for awhile, so I figured I'd come here.
I was born into the faith, baptized, received communion, all of that, and there was no problem until I was 13 or so when the sex abuse thing hit my area, and my family, like many others, pulled me out of the religious education program at the church and as a result, I never made my Confirmation.
Years later, it started to bother me, so I called my parish, talked to a priest, explained my story, and long story short, they put me into part of the RCIA program. I didn't need the whole thing, just the Confirmation stuff. So I did as I was told and then waited for the rest of the people to finish so we could all do the stuff at the Easter Vigil.
I was really excited, and so proud for finally being Confirmed. I just felt like I needed this, I have always been faithful, very into my religion, and I read a lot on my own. I talked to my friends who had already been confirmed, and I was just very excited.
They described a lot of things. Wearing a red robe to symbolize the Pentecost, writing a letter to the Bishop, and of course, meeting the Bishop and having him confirm us. While I waited for the Easter Vigil to roll around, I wrote my letter to the Bishop.
When it was finally time to be confirmed, I learned that the letter wasn't really needed and nobody would read it. In fact, the Bishop didn't even show up! No robes or even nice clothes to show respect for what was happening. People wore whatever. The priest did his thing, and I guess I was confirmed.
A year later, I still feel kind of empty. My friends look back fondly on their Confirmation, but mine feels wrong, or like I was treated as an outsider. The RCIA is nice I guess, but I'm not a convert, and I feel like they just kinda tossed me in wherever. And I feel bad that the Bishop Confirmed my friends and not me. I feel bad for feeling this way, but since the Vigil, I've felt very disconnected from the church, and I don't know how to fix it.
I think if the Bishop gave me a blessing, I'd feel better, but calling the Diocese gets me nowhere. Nobody will talk to me, and if I get them to listen for a bit, they redirect me to my local parish. Is this superficial? I guess its like why people want blessings from the Pope, it's just kind of special.
The RCIA thing is nice, but those people shared a comradely for finding the Church together, and I feel left out because after all these years, I thought I could finally feel good about this, but I...don't. In fact, I feel really bad, so bad to the point where I'm considering switching denominations. This has bothered me for over a year now, and I want to enjoy Church again.
I'm assuming I'll be told to just live with it, but I want some closure. It can't hurt to ask, so I'm asking for opinions.
A talked to a friend who actually got confirmed at the normal time about this, and he has since left the Catholic Church. He said "You actually cared about it and the Bishop didn't come out for you. I was forced into it, and even I got him to come rub oil on my head. I don't know why you want to get into their club so bad. You're one of the most genuine people I know, forget that place." ...and as much as it hurts, I'm really considering following his advice.
Do you think there is a way the Bishop will bless me to make me feel better about this? A simple blessing from the man in red is all I need to feel good about this, I think.