As mentioned in previous posts by fellow members: While it can be true that a confessor might be trying to shield us from scrupulosity, or agonizing over, or beating ourselves up over a particular sin, it is equally true that the Church’s intention has never been to dissuade us from confessing less serious sins.
Catechism of the Catholic Church (bolds mine)
Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church**. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful:
Whoever confesses his sins . . . is already working with God. God indicts your sins; if you also indict them, you are joined with God. Man and sinner are, so to speak, two realities: when you hear “man” - this is what God has made; when you hear “sinner” - this is what man himself has made. Destroy what you have made, so that God may save what he has made. . . . When you begin to abhor what you have made, it is then that your good works are beginning, since you are accusing yourself of your evil works. The beginning of good works is the confession of evil works. You do the truth and come to the light.
In my limited opinion,according to what was posted in the OP, no one (neither confessor nor penitent) has ever said the particular sin is not a sin, so there would be no need to stop confessing it. And it looks like no one said to stop confessing it ; rather, only that it could be permissible to receive Holy Communion without or before confessing it.
The conflict seems to be more centered on an imputation of guilt, or differing views of the point at which sin becomes serious. There are also many cases where a certain sin which most may not commonly consider to be serious can be very serious, and vice versa- where a sin is considered a grave matter may, due to mitigating circumstances, not be deemed a serious sin. Much of it has to do with situational ethics, which, to be effectively applied during a confession, are largely dependent on what input we as penitents can provide.
However, I personally have had confessors who found situational input surrounding a particular sin to be very useful information while others have bluntly told me, “I don’t need to know that. Just tell me/say what you did.” :shrug:
I have been in your position. The first thing I do now is I try to take it one confession at a time.
We are advised to choose our confessors carefully, but today, in our imperfect world, and without an abundance of availability of the sacrament of Reconciliation, we often won’t have the luxury of being able to choose our confessors -a lot of us are lucky if Confession is available at all.
So I take whatever opportunity for confession is available.
Apart from God, there isn’t anyone who knows us better than we know ourselves. And if our conscience is at peace after we have confessed a particular sin,chances are very good that confessing the sin was the proper thing to do. . . no matter what size,color or shape the sin was.
When it looks as if a potential conflict of pronouncement might arise, concerning how serious a particular sin I committed is - whether that pronouncement comes from my own conscience or from a specific confessor, I try to prepare myself ahead of time, so that when I leave the confessional, I will leave feeling forgiven rather than confused. I came up with this simple little prayer which seems to help a lot:
Jesus, concerning this ( the sin is mentioned here ) , I’m having trouble figuring it out. I know I’m guilty because I committed it, but I’m not sure how serious it is. We both know I’m guilty, but only You know how guilty I am. So I place that judgement in your hands and I ask You, in Your Mercy, to forgive me.
. . . then I get my butt to Confession.