So here it goes, last year during my summer at a Totus Tuus teacher for my diocese and through a bit of discernment, I felt I was called to being either single or married and for the most part ruled religious life or the priesthood out (not that I rejected it but I thought there was maybe a 1% chance I’d be in the priesthood since you can’t rule anything out in regards to God). Anyway I went to this retreat and had a lot of time for adoration. Well for some reason one night I was really focused and for some reason internally I shouted to Jesus “I want to be a priest!” which was strange.
Just a bit of background. I’m almost 25 and a college graduate but don’t have a job in my field (I substitute teach and work at a grocery store) but i’m working on my masters in special education) and I decided to get my masters to make a better life and support a family and actually do something I get enjoyment out of . However this priest thing throws me for a loop and i worry if i’d even be accepted. For a long time I always said I’d be a priest because I felt I wasn’t good enough to be married and also felt it would be weird or that something was wrong just being single and not doing anything vocationally speaking. But within the past year its changed. While I have some genuine fears about the priesthood and don’t feel it’s a good fit vocationally speaking why would I cry out in adoration “I want to be a priest”.
My only theory is that since a vocation come from God, that maybe it was a way of getting my desires out. Maybe I still had those old feelings not being good enough to get married were just getting brought out. The key thing is that I said “I want to be a priest” it wasn’t god calling me and from what i’ve read about vocations, a true priestly vocation comes from God. So maybe me saying it doesn’t mean anything
Also one more issue. I don’t have a spiritual director at the moment since my previous one lives about 80 miles away and I don’t exactly have money to make 160 mile round trips lately. So i’m looking for another one but I don’t know who to select since I don’t know any priests that are close by.