Confused about questions related to fornication?

I know what the church says about sex, that fornication is a sin because it is not procreative and unitive whereas sex between husband and wife is. That is what God intended sex for.

Someone recently asked me several questions about it, and I didnt know and am confused myself. Please help me answer these:

If nothing bad comes from God then why is sex, something pleasurable, so bad?

Fornication is part of the 6th and 9th commandment right, from God given to Moses, but how do we know that Moses didn’t just create it or BS it (as how this person who asked me phrased it) because sex makes people happy so why would God take that from people?

Yes, it’s in the bible but the bible was written by people not God so how do we know God is really saying this? How can God be so mean to keep something like that from people (my response was the unitive/procreative answer and that God wants us to wait, is there a better answer?)

Not having sex before marriage seems so dogmatic and old-fashioned, no one does that anymore, and a lot of marriages between those whom have fornicated are successful that chastity is not needed today. (I told him that divorce rate is lower in those who waited/practiced chastity after doing research).

If you don’t have sex before marriage then how do you know if you’re compatible in it when you are married? Some people divorce when they are not compatible in the bedroom (size, motion, likes/dislikes, etc…)
This was a non-Catholic guy who tried to get me to change my beliefs on chastity and upon discussing this, I felt like my faith was being pulled down. If you can help me by giving me answers to understand more on this topic, I’d appreciate it. Thank you.

Unless you have sex with many, many people, then how will you know what sexually compatible is? That’s just a liberal idea; that to be married you must be sexually compatible.

God gave us our sexuality for the purpose of a man and his wife to reproduce, he made sex pleasurable so that we wouldn’t go extinct, the pleasure attached to sex is not a “bad” thing, what is bad, is the abuse of our sexuality (sexual sins), for the question if Moses BS’d it, that’s sounds like a crazy atheistic question, the Bible is the inspired word of God, so what is said in the Bible is very true, whether it was literal or not (Moses and the Commandments are literal). Look how our culture and society has plagued what marriage and sex are really meant to be, do not give into the culture of “if it feels good, do it” type of attitude. It so valuable, the great love to be willing to wait to give your entire self to the one whom you vow to be with the rest of your life. There’s no wonder fornication is evil, look at all the STD’s, AID’s, HIV, do you really think God is being “mean” by telling us to wait and to give ourselves(sexually) to one person? Or do you see that God is just trying to keep us from harm? God is a loving father, not a mean tyrant! God gave us many good things that have pleasure attached to them, but we, because of our sinfulness, we abuse them.

Other way around, to be sexually compatible, you must be married.

  1. To answer your first question, sex is NOT a bad thing, UNLESS it is done outside of the marital union.

  2. I like to look at the Ten Commandments as laws that need interpretation. If one looks at the ten commandments in a logical manner, there is no reason as to why they wouldn’t exist. God does not want to take sex away from us. He gave us the commandments so that we are able to discern right from wrong, even when the matter pertains to a beautiful blessing from God.

  3. I am firm in my belief that it is IMMORAL, IMPURE, AND HATEFUL to not wait until you are married to have intercourse. Why would we need to explore it before hand? Size problems? The size of someone’s genitalia should not matter in the bedroom as long as the sexual act is able to be completed in a healthy way. As to motions, likes, and dislikes, the couple needs to TALK, so that they may engage in activities mutually pleasing, permitting that they are moral acts.

When discussing pre-marital sex with someone who is for it, it is important to approach the matter with compassion. One cannot drown the person with statistics, and expect them to just jump on the bandwagon. The individual needs to be exposed to the TRUTH in a calm way, so that they may come to realize that God is not trying to make our lives uncomfortable by enforcing all sorts of rules, but rather he is really they are a way of expressing his solicitude for his children, and his infinite, unwavering love.

Thank you Johnnyt3000, Zachary’s comment was confusing, I think that 's what he meant.

And thanks to everybody for your responses.

I agree. “Bad sex” isnt like putting deisel fuel in your gas engine. If you can’t stay married because you’re unhappy between the sheets, then I’d suggest there’s more to your marital problems (communication, for starters.)

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#I

About sex making people happy, i would say yes, but not always, and usually not when we misuse it, but this to me is an extremist view, God is not taking sex away from you, nor saying that you should have a kid everytime you do it, He is just asking you to do it with responsability, thing which everybody in their senses thinks, just that we know that God has perfect thinking so we follow his perfect law, while they follow what they think it is right. now he might say that you are just toughtlessly following others rules, but i can tell you that that is not true, at least for many Catholics, who choose to follow those rules, and they analize them and found them true and good, the same way atheist follow the rules others gave them. now i would suggest you dont tell him this since this might start another argument, just if you are asked you can say: i choose what to believe because I found it to be true.

there are many things nobody does, and we are suffering the consequences and no I dont mean just spiritual stuff, things as simple as littering are seen made by lots of people.

Sexual skills are that, skills. and as such they can be developed, they just need comunication, to see what the other one likes. if for some reason you had something wrong with you that could make you unable to have sex, that is something that should be spoken before, so no problem there either.

You are most welcome:)

One other thing I want to mention is that the Church does allow married couples to use the NFP (natural family planning).

Ive wondered about this too, We all know many species of animals, sexual procreation is awkward and uncomfortable, it seems kind of like ‘entrapment’ to have human procreation be SOO pleasurable and enjoyable, and then say, oh yeah, its a sin outside of marriage or for any other reason besides procreation!!!

IMO, humans are ‘hard-wired’ to sin, God knows this and knew this when he created us…it is very odd he choose to give a species literally hardwired to sin, something so intensely pleasing to be a sin…??

Why did God not make our procreation more like some animals, uncomfortable and awkward? Seems like it was just asking for trouble to create us the way we are, in regards to sex.

You say that for SOME animals it is uncomfortable and awkward - do you know that is true from the perspective of those animals, or is that your observation? Granted, I believe some animals kill their mate after sex - that’s awkward:D. But are you sure that the act is not in fact pleasurable for many, or most, or all?:wink:

NO, Im basing that off what I learned in high school and college biology classes, it is known some animals procreation IS extremely uncomfortable for them.

because they can be moved by instinct easier than us, if their instinct is to jump of a cliff they are more likely to do it, but we with our intelect, would have an even bigger decrease in population, have you seen Europe now? imagine if sex was painful. God is no fool, He know why He does everything He does.

Evil as such does not exist. The evil in fornication as it is the misuse of sexual activity for immediate pleasure. Pleasure in itself from sex or anywhere else is a good considered in itself. Evil is willed because of the goodness that exists in it and only because of it.

I know hes not a fool, its actually quite interesting about sex…God creates humans in the form we are, males are naturally sexually attracted to females and vice verse, he makes sure sex between a man and woman is EXTREMELY pleasurable, but then comes along and says, ‘Oh wait a minute, did I mention you can ONLY have and enjoy sex when its done for procreation, and is a sin if done any other time for any other motive’…Knowing full well how pleasurable it is for both sexes??? Add to that, this is a species KNOWN to be sinful in nature!!! GEEZ, what did he expect was going to happen? LOL

Seems more like a cruel joke to me.

Not just for procreation. From where did you get that erroneous idea?

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.