Confused and Upset about life in general and my spiritual director ( ex ) in particular. Any advice is appreciated


Hello friends
I felt I had to sack my spritual director yesterday. He’d been my only spiritual director the whole time I’ve been in the church which is 20 yrs now. I can’t go into what’s happened in recent mths but I’ve been under a great deal of pressure and he just makes me feel bad most of the time. He cares a great deal and helps a lot but an underlying very low opinion of me has come through almost always since early on. I’m out of work and nearly bankrupt in recent times. At times I thought I might end up on the street. I have very poor health and there’s been a very severe pressure I’ve been under recently and I think I must look a complete idiot to those observing me and he must not have understood these low points in my life and once again I feel lower than dirt. So I’ve sacke him.I’m so disappointed i had to do this. Every little bit of happiness i had managed to muster was dissipated once again. I know he’ll see that he did nothing wrong but he did - He let this underlying low opinion of me get thru and it’s broken me. Recently the business I worked for went broke and some customers began to harrass me and follow me around, even into church, and they threatened to kill me unless they get their money back. This went on for several mths. I’ve had a lot to cope with and I refuse to cope with low opinions from people who never take me seriously. I’m worth the effort to write an email that contains a full explaination or to explain things to thoroughly. For 20 yrs I’ve gone thru hell and i just didn’t need this. I’m just fed up with people putting me down or having low opinions of me. I just refuse to accept it anymore. Maybe I’m having a nervous breakdown now I’m able to sit down and look at the last 20 yrs of my life. It hasn’t been very pleasant at all.I guess I’m most upset because I was starting to feel good after feeling quite the opposite for as long as I can remember and my SD has put an end to that. I’ll try to struggle on but this has put a big dent in me. I’m through with spiritual directors now. I can see his point of view even if he thinks I can’t but when I recall the 20 yrs it’s not something I would want to go through again. In truth I think the Holy Spirit has done 99% of the work anyway so I’ll hope He can direct me from now on. I would say to others if you find it hard to communicate with a SD just move on real quickly. It’s very important to find someone your very comfortable with. Some other things have happened and I’m very angry at everyone right now. It’s like grieving. I hope I get over it soon. I don’t like being angry. People I’ve done my best to help have very low opinions of me and it’s painful. It’s very hard to focus on ones spiritual life with all this going on but I’m trying. This turned out to be me getting some things off my chest. Forgive me for sounding like a whinger. I’ve been through a lot. I feel broken now. I am going to try and keep up my spiritual life whilst going through this. I find I have a lot of pain from all thats happened in the past 20 yrs ( not just SD ) and I think I have to work my way thru it a bit like grieving though. Does anyone have any advice they can give and prayers are appreciated.
God bless all


Prayers for you, John Russell. The only advice I have to offer is to pray the Litany of Humility daily. What I see in your post is someone who is struggling with pride issues. You’ll have a lot more emotional and spiritual freedom when you aren’t so concerned about others’ opinions of you.


My dear friend

Thx for your advice and prayers. It’s more than just pride being hurt though. As an example if you completely lost your good name and reputation you would be hurt. Not all pride is bad. You are very right in saying I should not let other people get me down though. I think I’ll work on that and just try and value the opinions from above.

God bless you:thumbsup::slight_smile:


Should you be treated better than the One you have chosen to follow, my friend? Should you be thought of more highly than what many, if not most, people today think of Him? And He is perfect! All the abuses and insult He suffered, and what are we to do? Take up our crosses and follow Him. You are not alone in your suffering however bitter it is; He came before you and He knows it all firsthand, and He is ready and waiting to bear it with you, for as long as it lasts, until it has accomplished whatever He means for it to. Cling to our Lord, who understands you and your pain better than anyone. If people have unjust opinions of you, it is their sin. Keep your eyes on Him and trust the voice of your Shepherd, pay no mind to the howling of the wolves. All their noise can’t hurt you when He will keep you safe and lead you home.

My advice, you might ask our Lord to grant you the desire to forgive your spiritual director for his hurtful attitudes, if you do not have that desire; and for the forgiveness itself, if you do. Don’t let the wounds fester and your director’s faults be compounded by your own. You may just find another one someday, but understandably, you are a bit sour on the experience now. Just try to keep an open mind, in case the Lord has different plans for you. :wink: I’ll say a prayer for you!


My dear friend

very good advice too I must admit. I should not worry so much or expect more than our Lord had. I think i just got fed up with suffering and wanted a break too much. i thought i was getting a break and now it seems I’m not i got upset and angry. I’ll soldier on and appreciate your prayers.:thumbsup::slight_smile:

God bless you


If you don’t find your present spiritual director helpful, you are not morally obliged to continue with him.

And there’s a difference between forgiveness and allowing yourself to be hurt over and over again.


Dear John Russell, I’ll be praying for you. I’m not criticizing you, but from your writing you do sound depressed. It would be no wonder if you were after everything you’ve been through. My advice is to get yourself referred to a good specialist who can help you with all these difficult feelings. Then life may seem more positive and your way forward a little clearer. May the Venerable John Henry Newman (who seems to have suffered from depression, and certainly did endure many disappointments) pray for you. Come Holy Spirit.


Dear John,

I don’t have a lot of advice to give you, as I am in a similar situation as you are. Life is really hard right now, for us, and it seems there are an awful lot of us out here. Lost my job in January, and the three friends I had have walked out of my life, with no explanations. If I do not find work soon, I will have to sell the house, pack my stuff up and move 1,200 miles away to live with my parents in my old bedroom. This is hard, because I moved away from home 32 years ago. At least my kids are grown, and out on their own. Now, our pastor, who has been a rock for me for 10 years, is being transferred. So I am sad and discouraged. Not too many folks want to hire someone who is 52 and spent most of my “working” years as a homemaker.

However, I will be including you in my prayers. I am “hanging in there” by reminding myself that God does love me, even if I don’t think I’m worthy of His attention. I keep telling myself that I wasn’t brought this far by Him, just for Him to abandon me now. I sometimes think to myself that perhaps the reason for all my woes right now, is to cause me to actually surrender control to God and learn to trust Him more. Sounds good on paper, but it sure is hard to do!

One thing I do keep in mind, and it might help you a little, is to remember how discouraged Mother Teresa of Calcutta was at times. If even one so wonderful as she was could be as conflicted and discouraged, then maybe I am not so bad after all. Sometimes it does seem that things get dumped on us all at one time. I read once that life is like a tapestry. We see it from the underneath side, with all the tangles and knots, and unable to see the pattern. But God is up above, and He can see what is going on, and how it all fits.

While you are praying (and remember I and many others are praying for you and with you), ask our Blessed Mother to take you on her lap, wrap her mantle around you, and to rock you for awhile. I find that image helps me, as I am praying my Rosaries.

God Bless You, John. Hang in there! Remember, it can only get better–right?:thumbsup:


My dear friend

Thx for your sdice. The more we love the more we suffer I guess.

I will forgive for my part. I doubt he knows much of my sufferind so I’ll just do my part.

God bless:thumbsup::slight_smile:


My dear friend

Thx for your advice and prayers. I frequent a bookstore by this saints name. I’ll monitor depression. I’ve only felt down a few days lately though. I’ll keep an eye on it. A lot has gone on recently and maybe it’s come to a head as said. I think I’ve just had more than I can cope with at one time going on recently. I’ll try and get back on my feet quickly.

God bless you:thumbsup::slight_smile:


My dear friend Peggy

So I’m not alone in this vale of teers. Thank you very much for your advice. I’ll pray for you too. I have the mantle around me already i’m sure. I’ll put myself in Her hands and let Her do the worring I think. Hang in there yourself. I’m sure She’s got Her mantle around you too.

God bless you:thumbsup::slight_smile:


There are going to be some people reading this who’ll know what this means. to those who’ve been closely involved in my life in recent times I’ve simply had too much to cope with in recent times. There’s a lot more than I write here. I may have had a breakdown so if at all it’s best to get back in touch at a later date friends. God bless you. John


I’m terribly sorry to hear you’re going through this, John.

Please take care of yourself-- and I mean both spiritually, and basic human needs stuff. I’m sure it’s not top on the list of priorities right now, but do your best to keep eating properly, getting a decent amount of sleep, and fitting in some exercise. I know from my own personal experience that letting these things slide completely during times of crisis seem to only make the situation “feel” much worse, kwim?

I’ll be praying for you.

Take care,



My dear friend Margaret

I’m already starting to feel better with all the good advice, support and prayers incl. yours on here. I guess I’m not superman and need to accept that. Perhaps I need to be humbled thus. I did try to tell some people I know something like this might happen in aroundabout ways. People who could have backed off. But none of them did. I’ve been too vulnerable lately and think it’s led to a collapse when pushed too far. Perhaps the good Lord wants me to be stronger. Maybe I’ll get a cape one day but for now I’ll hide under my Mothers mantle. I’m always safe there.

God bless you:)


My dear friends

I think I’m going thru a rather complicated grieving process which could include several things at once from the last 20 yrs and a bit before for some. It’s like waking up all of a sudden and there’s been deaths and many things to grieve for and it’s hit me only recently. No wonder I’ve been in so much pain. I’ll just try and work thru it. I thank all for your kind words, support and prayers. I think I’m beginning to understand we’re all this pain has come from now and am feeling a bit better. When one door closes another one opens. I can only assume my Blessed Mother has something good lined up for me. If not i guess i’m 42 and won’t live forever in any case. I’m getting tired of thinking of me and the self pity. I really have no right to feel the pity and thinking of me only makes it worse. I’ll let the grief run its course because it has to, but I’ll try and get back on track quickly. I need to remember I’m the dry wood. I won’t get heaven on earth either. Thanks again all.

God bless:thumbsup::slight_smile:


Hello John,

May God bless you, heal you, and help you go through this. You might want to pray the prayer:Lord sprinkle into my heart the dew of your grace.

St. Mary pray for John and help him



First of all I am so very sorry for all that you are going through. you will be in my prayers and I suspect in the prayers of any who read your post.

Even if some of what we experience is due to pride… ones self worth or personhood ought to never be attacked. It sounds like you have so much going on right now. I am glad you are taking steps so you won’t be hurt over and over again.

I would say feel free to get a new spiritual director.
Also you might consider finding someone to talk to who can help you to deal with all the issues that are in your life?The job and the people harassing you, it is only natural to be somewhat depressed over huge life issues…hopefully you can find someone to speak to as you go through this hard time. A professional might help you to deal with all the job issues while a spiritual director may help you with the religious issues?*



I am very sorry to read your post and have been praying for you since last night.
I know how detrimental it could be when the hurt comes from SD, the person you trust so much. I wish you have let him know your feelings when you were with him. I don’t know if he is a priest. I cannot imagine a SD belittles his directee on purpose. Anyway, that person is in the past now.

It will be helpful to find some decent and trustworthy person to talk about all your frustrations.
That can help you vent and sort out your thoughts. Maybe a good friend, or your pastor?

God bless.


John, the opinions of “creatures” mean nothing. You are a child of God and therefore, are loved and cherished.

“Let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you, all things pass away: God
never changes.” (St. Teresa of Avila)

Perhaps, Our Lord is busy pruning your soul at this time… in order to bring you closer to Him. You’re in my prayers. God bless.


My prayers go out to you, beneath Our Mother’s mantle.:crossrc::crossrc::crossrc:

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