Confused on the way to approach Gay Marriage


Is it possible to have no opinion on gay marriage but be Catholic? I find myself in the middle, not knowing what to say or think and I just trust God that He knows. Is it okay for myself to just say I don’t know yet be Catholic? Is this similar to saying it is not my place to judge but I am a Catholic so I follow the church? It is not that I do not agree or disagree with the Church, its that I truly have no opinion anymore as it is such a harmful subject to some. I would never actively disagree and try to change the teachings as I really don’t know what to think of it. I tend to not be very opinionated and have a soft approach in general but would a priest accept my want to be confirmed if I feel like this…


Matthew 19
4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not interpreted, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5 And said, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?”
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Genesis 2
23 And Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.


In real life, I have never been asked once for my opinion on gay marriage. When I was received into the Church, I did not have to sit through an interrogation about my beliefs.

When one converts, they are required to say "I believe and profess all that the holy Catholic Church believes, teaches, and proclaims to be revealed by God."

So, can you say that and assent to the Creed?


Religiously: God mentions several places in the Bible where it is not okay- and if it was, why do you need both to procreate? Why not just have one sex that could do both?

Politically: it deminishes the value of traditional marriage (1 man and 1 woman) giving it the same value as it. This is not good, now we see that since the state considers it equal, they want children (which has been proven to cause many problems for the children). It also opens the gateway for other possibilities: 2 men and 1 woman, 2 women and 1 man, person and animal, son and mother, son and father, mother and daughter, daughter and father, adult and child. Because once you take away something as obvious that man and woman is superior- any thing is possible. It will happen, it is being talked about and places in the world (1st world countries mind you!) some of these are legal.

Nature: since the beginning of man, there has always been one of each sex. The building for stability of future generations. From the evolution stand point: we would have developed if we did not need both, like how frogs and fish can change or some species don’t need partners at all to reproduce

Homosexuality in general: it has scientifically been proven to be an unhealthy life style prone to many diseases and spreading, they tend to have severely high rates of depression (why encourage something that is harmful? Don’t hate, but don’t encourage.), additional mental health problems, many have been abused when younger (sexual or otherwise) which could have led to this lifestyle (not all, but quite a few more than heterosexuals)

Remember to show kindness and not hate.
God bless :blue_heart:


The Church teaches us that there is no such thing as marriage between two people of the same sex. The Church teaches us that sexual acts between two people of the same sex are disordered.

We are not at liberty to have “no opinion” as if the Church did not teach anything on the subject. We are not at liberty to have “no opinion” on abortion or stealing or rape or murder. The Church teaches these things are intrinsically evil, grave matter against the commandments.

If you have ‘no opinion’ what does that really mean?


If you yourself aren’t gay or contemplating a gay marriage, and you don’t have anyone in your family or close friend circle who is gay or contemplating a gay marriage, and you are not going around advocating positions against Church teaching, then I think it’s fine to just not have an opinion and pray to God for His guidance both for you and for the Church.

There are a whole lot of things in this world that are frankly outside of my sphere of knowledge or experience. I don’t feel called to have an opinion on every single one of them, especially when the research and knowledge in these areas is in flux. If the Church wants to take a certain position, it may be that they know better than me, or it may be that their teaching will evolve over time as they learn more. As long as I don’t go around telling people to ignore the Church teaching or saying it’s wrong, then the questions of my personal opinion are between me and God the same way any doubts of faith I would have or doubts of hope I would have or difficult forgiving someone I might have is between me and God. We don’t all have to be marching around announcing our opinion every two minutes.


I desperately want to be Catholic but the only thing that is stopping me is the thought of having to tell someone it is wrong to have or be in a homosexual relationship.

I would love to have children and bring them up in the church but the fear of them being gay and the stress that the church would cause them really makes me upset. I know the church calls these people to be celibate or to be in a heterosexual relationship but I honestly believe people are born gay and that to deny them of a consensual relationship is emotionally damaging. I don’t know if I would even be allowed to be confirmed due to this yet I know of Catholics who believe that gay marriage is okay.

I know that one of the reasons why is due to the fact a gay couple can not have a child, what about heterosexual couples who cannot have children? Should they not have sex? Please explain to me why it is so terrible for two consensual adults to get married? Why is it seen as good to tell a child that being gay is a sin and that they cannot get married in the church? I am genuinely upset about this and really want some advice.


This gives loads of bible examples and reasoning:


I know a good Catholic couple who have a gay child. They love him, he loves them, and they’re (the parents are) still practicing Catholics. For decades.

Why not do the thing the Holy Spirit seems to be calling you to do, which is be Catholic, and put this issue that might not even come up into God’s hands for now ?


I suppose I just have so much fear that I may hurt someone…


Abortion, stealing, rape and murder are INCREDIBLY different. A marriage between a homosexual couple is consensual so this cannot be compared. When I say no opinion, I mean I am new and have no idea what to think about this.


You’ll be hurting yourself if you feel “desperately” called to be Catholic and don’t answer the call. You’ll be distancing yourself from Jesus.

In any event, Jesus doesn’t call Catholics to act in a “hurtful” way towards gay people. We can say their act is wrong while still loving them as our neighbor.


I just cannot see how telling a gay person that they’re disordered is not hurtful. I find this teaching very difficult.


I do too. As I am not gay and do not have any gay children or any gay friends or family members seeking my opinion or guidance, I put it in God’s hands and pray for myself to do the right things, for the Church to be guided and protected by God so it will teach properly, and for all the gay people who are in a difficult position.


Thank you for understanding. I know this was a really challenging post, this has what has postponed me twice from RCIA and I just can’t seem to move forward.


Have you discussed this issue with your priest? He might be able to address it better than us in the cheap seats. I’m sure it won’t be the first time he’s heard it either.


I keep having to move around so I haven’t had a consistent church. I have been thinking of doing so but I guess it is the fear I will be turned away.


If you are not sure whether or not to become Catholic, I would honestly urge you to do it! You may not go into the Church totally agreeing with everything but just trust that the Church is inspired by God and founded by Jesus. The rest will come.
It’s not a sin to be born gay. Nobody is gonna ask you on your opinion but if they do and you don’t want to talk about it or know what to say, gently change the subject or state, correctly that whilst the church doesn’t support gay ‘marriage’ she fully supports the inclusion and reception into it of those who are gay. celibacy is not some terrible cross to bear in and of itself - it’s possible to have deep friendships that are not sexual and that is what the Church wants.


I wouldn’t tell them that off the bat. I don’t like the wording either. But really we are all disordered in some way as we are all imperfect - they are just disordered in a certain way . And I believe God will give them special graces to deal with the Christian life as a result


The Church doesn’t teach that gay people are disordered, rather that the homosexual inclination is a disordered inclination. Addiction is disordered. Gluttony is disordered. Addicts and overweight people are not disordered people.

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