Confused on vocation


I never dreamed or fantasized about marriage being a little girl - all I wanted to do was become a doctor and have a dog and live with friends. Being 21, I have not had a boyfriend, spoken to a guy online whom I never met but that was it. I’ve been thinking about becoming a nun for a while but my mind is very conflicted.

The reasons I have for becoming a nun is because I feel it might be for me. I care a lot about other people and feel their pain as my own. If I see an elderly person in the store not affording to pay for food, it kills me inside and that day is ruined. Somehow, I feel I don’t really belong in this world. I’m shy, introverted, feel everyone’s emotions,too emotional, too sensitive etc. People always say why are you so quiet. I’m not cool/hot/witty or anything like that. As I mentioned, never had a boyfriend. I have gotten rejected by many guys when I tried for example adding them on Facebook. My health is not good, although I don’t have a diagnosed disease I am often really tired (have gone to the doctors endless times with no results), nausea on and off, bowel pain… I would not make a good wife, because i doubt many men want a wife that’s either tired or has nausea, is boring, unattractive. I’ve tried wearing a lot of makeup, wearing trendier clothes but that gives me even less attention from men.

I wouldn’t be a good mother either. In my freetime I volunteer for a Church and sometimes there are children’s groups there. I like the kids and they like me when we are playing and such, but I cannot make them listen to me at all. Other women can come and say ‘‘no, sit there’’ and they listen but when I do, they don’t care… Not only that but childbirth will be a huge challenge for me because of some troubles I have, so the only option for me would be a C-section.

Anyway, all of the above leads me to think I’m not meant for marriage and that maybe being a nun is for me. I have contacted some monasteries and one is really interested. Being a nun would be great in so many ways. I could focus on God, helping people who are lonely etc.

But I’m so scared. Scared to maybe wake up in 20 years and think that I made a mistake. One part of me thinks I’m meant to be a sister, another thinks that maybe I want a husband. One side of me yearns for the love and care of a man, romance, a man’s attention etc. But because of all the reasons listed above, I don’t think I’m suitable for that. Can someone please offer any advice. I truly do not know what to do.


Will be praying for you.


Being a nun/sister isn’t a choice made by process of elimination.
Religious life also has physical demands.
Maybe you can continue working and praying to get your health in order meanwhile discerning what your calling in life is.


I understand that. Sorry if it came off that way, as me seeing being a sister as a last resort. The reason I mentioned the things about marriage is to explain why I’m maybe not meant for marriage or if those are valid reasons. I truly see being a nun as something wonderful and a way to help people in this world and offer advice, spiritual love and such. About my Health, sadly there isn’t much to work on. I have taken countless tests and the first ones showed some iron deficiency but now my levels are normal yet fatigue is still there. Same about nausea, endless tests, shows nothing.


Thank you… I appreciate that.


I responded on your other duplicate thread.


Here are some great videos on this topic by Fr. Mike Schmitz (he’s the best :D)

I too will keep you in my prayers. :signofcross:

God bless!


Prayers from here, too.
God bless.


I understand your struggle. I’m currently (trying) to discern the priesthood, and I’m not really sure. Five months ago I had it all planned out (get a 30 on the ACT, keep at least a 3.5, go to UNO on a free ride, get a masters in Computer Science, and then work for Google or pay pal or something). Maybe two months ago now my life completely changed when I felt this call to the priesthood (I had felt it before, but never as strong as now). I’ve been trying to discern it and at this point, there is almost no doubt I am called there. I certainly fit the typical priest characteristics in some ways (I’m somewhat good with kids, but probably wouldn’t make a good dad), but I also don’t fit the typical characteristics in others (I’m not always a great public speaker, and I’m very very foul mouthed). Even in these past couple months I’ve come very far in a lot of these areas, although I still have a ways to go. God will give you the strength to do what ever he’s calling you to (even if he takes his time). In the end, it’s best to keep praying about it and see where your heart is calling you. In the great words of the grandma from Moana “remember, you may hear a voice inside, and if that voice starts to whisper to follow the farthest star, that voice inside is who you are.”

Good luck. I hope you figure out what God is calling you to!


I understand where you’re coming from, I’m in a similar place as you and after reading your post I got the impression that you would prefer getting married but you are discouraged believing it will not happen and so you turn to religious life instead. I think it would be great to visit a monastery, talk to the sisters and spend some time serving with them and this will give you a glimpse of their life so you may see if it’s for you or not.
I have the same fear of entering religious life and after 5-10 years realising it’s not my vocation but if someone is really called to this then they are optimistic the future. It’s like being scared to marry a guy wondering if there is someone better out there or if he will leave you, etc. but if the two are in love the fear goes away.
I advise you not to overthink your situation and instead take advantage of your oportunities. If the monastery you contacted is interested in meeting you, go visit and take it from there. And I don’t think you’re not meant for marriage either, we all have different things we struggle with.
Talking it through with a spiritual director is also helpful but in the end you have to make a decision. Don’t rush anything, be attentive to what gives you peace and joy and pursue that.


Just because you haven’t met a man who loves you yet doesn’t mean you won’t. Sure you’re only 21. I didn’t meet my wife til I was about 26. Some people don’t meet their spouse til much later in life.

No harm in exploring a religious vocation, but I kinda get from your post that you desire marriage more and there’s nothing to say that the obstacles you speak of would mean you are “not suitable” for marriage. Despite popular belief, men fall in love with a person, not a “hot” body.


Excellent advice. It is a sad distortion of modern culture that all men desire is the body. It is the person’s personality that makes them attractive.

To the Op:
If God is calling you to marriage, He will prepare the person for you. Always seek His guidance and He will lead you to the person He wills for you.
Since you also mentioned discerning religious life, have you tried spiritual direction yet? It is very helpful, not only for discerning ones vocation, but also for spiritual growth.
You’ll be in my prayers.


Thank you everyone for your advice and your prayers. Also appreciate those videolinks from fr. Mike, they were very good.

It would be one thing to just wait for marriage - I would be willing to wait a couple of years. Its just that I have nothing to offer. If if only was beauty that was lacking, it would still be fine because there are men that don’t care about that. It’s just that I am mostly tired, have stomach issues, will probably experience real issues with birth related to my stomach issues, am too quiet/boring etc etc. I have prayed so much to God to please show me a sign and lead me to the vocation however my confusion is still present and i feel very lost.

@Ryan Star_Mayor and @Julie de Sales, I’m so sorry to hear you are going through something similar. I will pray for you and I really hope it works out for you.

I will certainly Contact a spiritual director and keep praying about this, as well as trying to not let fear get in my way. God bless you.


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