Confused & Scared


#1

Okay, at one point in time I was attending RCIA and Mass…

I quit and no longer had a desire to go, then I stumbled on this site and miss going so bad… However, I’m in a bit of spiritual predicament, you could say.

When I quit going to RCIA and Mass… I threw away all of my religious items, turned back to witchcraft, and hated God.

I know, I should talk to a priest about this… but even though I felt at the time I was a Christian (baptized in a Protestant church), I doubt I ever really was and I think I did it all to make other people happy.

Now, all of a sudden, tonight, after hearing my mom being upset about the fact that she found out I am gay and wishing God would take her out of this world to ease her pain, I just feel even more angered at God and don’t understand.

I keep wondering, is God really as cruel as He is portrayed? Does God really hate gays and pagans with a passion to where He doesn’t love us? I’m not trying to start a debate, but I really feel that God is cruel at the moment, even though I was brought up in church and “taught” the Bible.

Where should I go from here? What should I say or do?

I’m really in a bind and need some help.


#2

Keithy God doesn’t hate you.

It must be very upsetting to see your mother so affected. Parents can find it very difficult to accept their child is gay for various reasons. It’s a great shock for any of us to have to make a major adjustment in our expectations and perceptions regarding people we love. Most of us have to make such adjustments as our loved ones choose their own paths. The natural expectation regarding male is that they will be father and husband, and of women that they will be mother and wife and all that we normally associated with being male or being female. Your mother’s reaction isn’t wise but it’s her way of expressing her helplessness…something that parents of grown children often experience…helplessness in the face of their children’s choices, and yes it can be excruciatingly painful.

I don’t know the basis for your perception of yourself as gay, whether there is some biological or emothional reason, or whether it’s a consequence of your dabbling in satanism. It may be a temporary perception of yourself, or apermanent one. My response is to keep you in my prayers and Masses

Bless you…Trishie

The may be people who will judge but I leave that to God.


#3

To calm your spirit so that you can think about your life and choices, I’ll go at what is something of a tangent but is nevertheless Jesus message to each person: i’ve borrowed it from a post I made yesterday, but it is Jesus speaking to you also

"I am sometimes sad that there is sometimes less emphasis placed on Jesus’ words than should be placed on the words of the saviour of the human race who is God’s Son, who is God as well as human. Jesus is the source of salvation and the foundation of the Church. Can we call ourselves Christians if we don’t accept the words of Jesus the Christ?

Matthew 25 verses 31-46…Jesus’ words on who will be saved:
“The Last Judgement”
"**When the Son of Man comes in all His glory, escorted by all the angels, then he will take his seat on his throne of glory. All the nations will be assembled before him and he will separate men from one another as the shepherd separates sheep from goats.
He will place the sheep on his right hand and the goats on his left. then the King shall say to those on his right hand," Come you whom my Father has blessed, take for your heritage the kingdom prepared for you since the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food; I was a stranger and you made me welcome. I was thristy and you gave me drink; I was a stranger and you made me welcome; naked and you clothed me; sick and you visited me, in prison and you came to see me.

Then the virtuous will say to him in reply, "Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you; or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you hungry and feed you; or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and make you welcome; naked and clothe you; sick or in prison and go to see you?

And the King will answer, " I tell you solemnly, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me."

Next he will say to those on his left "Go away from me with your curse upon you, to the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels, for when I was hungry you never gave me food; I was thirsty and you never gave me anything to drink; I was a stranger and you never made me welcome, naked and you never clothed me, sick and in proson and you never visited me."
Then it will be their turn to ask, "Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty; a stranger or naked, sick or in prison, and not come to your help?"
Then he will answer, “I tell you solemnly, in so far as you neglected to do this to one of the least of these, you neglected to do it to me.” And they will go away to eternal punishment, and the virtuous to eternal life.**

And since Jesus is the very Person who will judge all of us, I think we have to accept HIS criterion for who may be saved! His criterion is salvation depends upon our charity towards other people, which He regards as charity directly given to Him.
While there are pronounciations on homosexuality that are taken into consideration…at this moment I hope you will read the words of Jesus to you.

I ask God to lead you to all that He wishes for your life. Your sister, Trishie


#4

Trishie, thanks for the kind words…

As I read this post I started to listen to my favorite Catholic chaplet of all time, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. It is the main one that reminds me that God can and will have mercy on me if I ask.

As for my perception of being gay, it happened long before dabbling in satanism. I was actually entering my years of puberty. As for biological, I can’t remember back far enough to say “yea” or “nay” but I cannot recall not ever liking other guys. I did date girls and did fall in love several times, but I don’t know whether the hurt from those relationships drove me deeper or not. I have been told not to blame anyone else for my homosexuality so I don’t. I have also been told it’s a choice rather than something you have no control over. So I am a bit confused to be honest…

Thanks again for the comforting words. :slight_smile:


#5

Keithy,

God loves you so very much. There is nothing you could do to make Him stop loving you. This is His promise, and He is not a liar.

The Ask An Apologist forum had a reply today with some helpful links for those struggling with homosexuality. See this post for more info.

As for your involvement in satanism/witchcraft, you need to renounce your involvement and get rid of any satanic or witchcraft-related paraphernalia. I also recommend saying the prayer for Renunciation of Satan and Claiming the Full Victory

Lastly, I highly recommend the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. The St. Pio Center recommends you spend a minimum of 2 months working on those.

May God bless and heal you.
Becky


#6

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