About 2 1/2 years ago I started to get deep into my faith. About 6 months later I felt I had a calling and started to discern whether I wanted to become a deacon. I did a lot of research, read the National Directory for the Formation of Permanent Deacons, called the seminary to speak to the dean, got the application, talked to a priest friend of mine for a letter of recommendation, talked to a deacon at our parish.
Next I contacted my pastor. He told me to call back in 2 weeks. Contacted him 2 more times, he said he would call me back and never did. So I cornered him in the church one day and asked if I could set up a meeting. I wasn’t going to leave without it. He gave me several excuses and finally admitted that he was not interested. I was speachless, frustrated, and angry that he would not even sit down with me and talk about it. I tried to think of million reasons on why he would do that and decided that it is pointless, I cannot read his mind.
I was determined, so I went to another parish for about 6 months, became comfortable, and got the approval from the pastor there for sponsorship. I quickly learned that part of my upcoming duties would be literally to go door to door and solicit money from the parishoners. There seemed to be an obsession with money there and I felt it was not how I wanted to serve the Lord. So I thought this must be God telling me it is not my calling. I ended up quietly going back to my original parish.
Fast forward to the present. In the past 2 months, 4 people have asked me if I have considered joining the seminary. Two of them are priests. This past Sunday I met a priest for the first time and as I was leaving mass told him he had a nice church. Out of nowhere, he asked to speak to me for 10-15 minutes. We sat down and he then said he could see the Holy Spirit in me and asked if I had considered becoming a priest. I told him I was married. He then discussed the deaconate among other things with me. I told him “I will do as the Lord wishes”.
I suppose I am looking for advice. I have pretty much given up on the deaconate because it is impossible for me to do it without the permission of the pastor. I am also tired of people asking me if I am interested in a vocation. I want to do what the Lord wants me to do.