[quote=BOBKAT]Thank you both for the insight. As for what you didn’t understand Tom, what I meant is just that, I need to give her just want I would want from her and not expect it, rather than give her my unconditional love and put condidtions on it.
We hear a lot about giving “unconditional” love, but the fact of the matter is, we are not called to do that in the strictest sense.
Our love of others must be conditioned by our love for God. We must be loving them for God. And we must not purport to do something for them “out of love” that would offend God. For example, some people think that it is praiseworthy to lie to protect someone they love. But in doing so, they offend God. So you see that we cannot put our “love” for others above our love for God.
Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
Your hurt feelings might be due to the fact that you resent having to do something for her that she doesn’t have to do for you. This shows that you wish to be consoled by her love, and you are therefore trying to love her from your own limited strength. You are not secure in the love of God, for if you were, then you would not resent having not received from the other person. Someone secure in the love of God and being fed with the grace of God can give to another who does not return love. Someone who loves God is willing to suffer from others in order to stay with God. That is not unconditional love, though. True, it is unconditioned by the response of the other, but yet it is conditional on our being in union with God.
Said another way:
Merit consists in the virtue of love alone, flavored with the light of true discretion, without which the soul is worth nothing. And this love should be directed to Me endlessly, boundlessly, since I am the Supreme and Eternal Truth. The soul can therefore place neither laws nor limits to her love for Me; but her love for her neighbor, on the contrary, is ordered in certain conditions. The light of discretion (which proceeds from love, as I have told you) gives to the neighbor a conditioned love, one that, being ordered aright, does not cause the injury of sin to self in order to be useful to others, for, if one single sin were committed to save the whole world from Hell, or to obtain one great virtue, the motive would not be a rightly ordered or discreet love, but rather indiscreet, for it is not lawful to perform even one act of great virtue and profit to others, by means of the guilt of sin.
The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena (p. 27)