Contemplating single life


So as someone who suffers scrupulosity and OCD I have fought through this and continue to do so. I tend to think of marriage to be too much for me, mostly the sexual matters.

I have been contemplating the single life for this and have thought about living single, at least for now. If it is God's will for me to marry, then i'll work through any thing that I have to including scrupulosity and OCD, but until this moment I have been thinking about living a single life.

I have thought about many different things that I can do as a single person, that can bring me closer to God. I could become a deacon someday, or something like that. I am going to major in business and history and I can use that to help the poor and teach people at the same time.

I am currently in formation for the Third Order of Saint Dominic which I can't wait until I finally join.

I would like other reccomendations. Any one know of any lay saints that lived a single life?

I only know of Saint Catherine of Sienna. She was a lay Dominican and I am pretty sure she was single, but I could be wrong?


kind of in the same field as you arturo, the sexual matters of a relationship scare me as well, and I could write a decent 2 chapters if I had someone to help me wrap around the issues… I have taken steps in moving forward to the priesthood, I just think my needs are too much and I would appear as being too clingy or what have you, I wish I could have found a partner in life, but I can’t wait around forever, and i am not about to " lower my standards " as i have been told by a sibling at one point, I see that what I want and what I need are two very different things, I have never had a serious girlfriend that actually cared about me an trying to find one that is Catholic seems even harder , not to mention finding one that i find attractive and would find me attractive… almost seems down right impossible after awhile.

Aboslutely nothing wrong with being single, but I can’t be alone in life, an i see what Christ offers, an what the Church offers and where my life has been heading an i cant help but wonder if I might have a real calling. I would say i am certain i am not called to the sacrament of marrage, but then again if one asked me say 15 yrs ago if I would think i could be called to be a priest, to holy orders, i would have laughed an said ya right. Thing is I gave up on dating a long time ago, I don’t put myself out there in the world for women to meet any more an i let them in as far as they ask to get to know me, i don’t give out information anymore… I don’t flirt. So it will be the same if i become accepted to go into seminary formation, I won’t be flirting with women, nor seeking to get to know any on a personal level that could be misinterpritated for feelings.

Thing is being a deacon you can still be seek marrage first then become one, so that is cool i have always thought…

So if someone were to ask me would I ever want to be married an have a family of my own, of course i would say yes, am i going to wait around another 34 yrs and possibly have my heart broken another 3-5 times an take 1-2 yrs to mend my heart in between each of em, nope. Will the priesthood have its own challenges and heartbreaks, yes, but not in the way i would be going through now. I feel I am better able to live a single life and serve others than taking a gamble that maybe there is someone meant for me an i just have to find her.

anyhow more to my discernment process than just this one clip in this one thread so don’t assume anything.


Fear is not of God. If you are choosing a vocation based on your fears then you are not listening to God’s will. God does not scare us into a vocation.

Keep discerning and don’t let fear manipulate you.


[quote="jorgeraul3, post:3, topic:312154"]
Fear is not of God. If you are choosing a vocation based on your fears then you are not listening to God's will. God does not scare us into a vocation.

Keep discerning and don't let fear manipulate you.


Thank you for reminding me of this. :)


St Gemma Galgani was a lay virgin and never joined any order:


Dear Arturo Ortiz,

Thank you for your honesty and openness. As I’m sure you already know, with these you can handle anything that’s thrown at you. Now is the time for you to discern your vocation. Then you can begin to pursue the path God has in store for you. Discernment means doing 2 things:

*]Pray, aka develop a deep intimacy with God, especially through His Word and the Sacraments
*]Purify your heart

All of us here, well most of us anyway - I know I’m in this category - have had to battle fear in order to do God’s will in our lives: fear of not being enough, fear of failing, fear of not being loved, fear of being abandoned, fear of being lonely. We all have to deal with that.

Perhaps now is the time for you to begin to get a handle on your OCD and scrupulosity so that you can be open to whatever else God has in store for you. At least in my experience as an Apostle of the Interior Life, which includes helping about 1000 young people to discern their vocations, God needs some time to prepare us before we can hear His call. From what you shared, I think that for you that preparation includes beginning to deal with your OCD/scrupulosity, all right? Awesome bro. You are in my prayers, ok?

God bless,

Fr. Scott Kallal, AVI
Apostles of the Interior Life


Thanks a lot FR. Scott Kallal

I will do my best to take your advice to heart:)

God Bless
Arturo Ortiz


Here’s a saint for you ---- layperson, celibate, physician, devoted to the poor:


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