Continuing the discussion from Marriage, loneliness and unhappiness


#1

Continuing the discussion from Marriage, loneliness and unhappiness:

Thank you to all the replies I received with my question about a lonely ,unhappy marriage .
I want to clear up that there are no issues with alcool or abuse …I married a good guy with good intentions and a good heart. The issue is our daughter’s dislike for him is putting a strain on all of us and his refusal to make changes . The loneliness is just when we are together the 2 of us, he makes no effort make the most of our time together . He’s a loner.
Having said all that life through a curve ball in May and It made the 3 of us closer.


#2

I would suggest a book by Matthew Kelly “The 7 Levels of Intimacy”.

One thing that Mr Kelly talks about is how after many years of marriage, some couples forget their story. Ask a newlywed how they met and you will get a story with details and anecdotes. Ask a couple who is happily married for 45 years the same question, you will also get a story with details and anecdotes.

Ask an unhappy couple, a distant couple, you will get a two or three letter answer to “How did you guys meet?”

“At work”

“A blind date”

“Online”.

So, we have to go back and find out story, remember what brought us together in the first place.

Have fun together, do some of the things you did at the beginning, go for a drive and sit and listen to the music on the radio and talk. Read books and talk about them. Go to a high school football game and snuggle under a blanket. Go dancing - or dance in the back yard with tiki torches.

If there is no abuse, your daughter needs to learn to respect her parents, both of them. If she sees two people who like each other, if she begins saying bad things about her dad and you reply “that is my best friend, my husband, the love of my life you are talking about.” she may stop and think.


#3

You said he is not abusive ab has good heart.

As for low self esteem well if my daughter has been saying since she was four the she disliked me and my spouse may leave me over it I might have self esteem too. And it might make me withdraw more.

Why is a four year old allowed to say they dislike Daddy. I am not Saying the man is perfect. But does he not work to put a roof, food, clothing over her head? Many “Fathers” don’t do it.

If this man works to provide for her she should be taught to speak with him with respect. In the home for the person who provides all the things she needs.

Frankly I would put a United front with your husband. Rather than siding with the child. And if you see some things could be better speak with husband privately.

The first duty is to the spouse and while children must be taken care of they should not be taught the world revolves around them. When she is adult she won’t be able to tell her boss she dislikes them.

Honor your Father and mother it is a command that should be stressed.

All I’m saying is no one is perfect. The only one we can change is ourselves. But I read your post and I felt for the poor man. I’d be cranky too if my child was saying that stuff since she was four.


#4

I never said I sided with my child. Obviously I showed a strong front throughout our marriage so my daughter could see unity and that once married as a Catholic you work on your issues . Having said that I wondered when I was writing the OP how do we go on with so much agression and conflict ? But that was then

Today all 3 of us are in a good place and have been since a death in the family the end of May.
Thank you for your thoughts.


#5

I’m sorry it just sounded like you did especially with the way you kept on saying he needed to work on his issues. And you were talking leaving since daughter disliked.
As a kid whose father left our family home at three it just really bothered me. And my Dad was still involved. But my mother was always stressed out. And I won’t say the marriage issues was just on my Dad. But not like other Fathers there is no cookie cutter model we are all unique. But you have to understand how my Dad is not like other dads at four would come across to many kids who don’t have one.

I am glad your family is growing closer.


#6

Thank you :pray:


closed #7

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