Thank you for all the kind replies.
It took me awhile but I worked up the courage to speak with her last evening regarding my thoughts and NFP etc. I tell you that my prayers were answered more than I would have dreamed. It was kind of like in sitcom’s where someone is trying to ask a girl out, they expect a no, so they have an entire spiel planned, instead she says yes and the man is flabbergasted, not really knowing what to say because he had not planned for the good news. it was just like that last night. I apologized for springing this on her. I tried to explain why I was doing it, that I understood she did not get it, that I wanted to be a good Catholic, and that I loved her. She was extremely receptive. I am so happy. This is one small hurdle behind us. To answer some questions or comments that you all had:
Have you talked with her about why she doesn’t want to use NFP? Is it a fear that it’s uneffective? Is it fear of another child? Is it fear that you have changed and she doesn’t fit into your religious life? That you don’t want her anymore? Is it because she feels that it’s something to reject just because Catholics use it?
No I had never spoken to her about NFP with the exception that it existed and some people found it very effective. I believe she thought it to be something akin to the rythm method, and being that her cycle is not regular, I believe she discounted it on the spot. There is definantly a dynamic of my changing going on in our relationship, she has dealt nicely I suppose. it is hard to put myself in her shoes because I so fervently want her in the same place as myself, which is selfish, but for selfless reasons as well. Those who may have read other posts of mine know well. The fact that NFP is Catholic I think dissuades her, not because it is Catholic but because it appears un-scientific since it is so closely linked to the Church.
f it wasn’t talked about in depth before then she might be feeling that you didn’t consider her feelings or she might be incorrectly thinking you have rejected her when really you only rejected contraception, not her
It was not talked about in depth at all. I take full responsibility and have learned from my actions. All of you out there in mixed marriages know how hard it can be to bring things like this up at all, but I know better now and must give my wife more credit as well.
She needs to know that your views that changed regarding sex aren’t meant to distance you from her but to draw you closer.
I communicated this just last night.
If she needs scientific proof, have her look at Taking Charge of Your Ferility (there is an online forum for it too). It’s totally secular & it can be a way to open her up to the real science behind the method. While you continue to deepen the understanding of it spiritually and move toward the ability to use a pure form of NFP (TCOYF is a FAM based book).
I ordered it online last night. The FAM is really what I spoke with her about, I told her you replace contraceptive use with abstinence and that is the only difference with NFP for the most part.
I think you should have spoken to your wife when you were not in bed for one thing. You should really apologize to her for springing that on her in that type of moment. You are changing the rules on her so you need to be extra loving about this.
You are correct, I feel very bad about this, and I have.
Isn’t it more than a bit unfair for one spouse to convert to a religion without the other spouse, or their consent, and then expect the other spouse to live up to that religion?
I must listen to my conscience. I do not control her thoughts nor actions, only my own. I felt drawn to the Catholic Church. I cannot deny my soul, or dismiss hers.
I have also said a prayer for you!
Thank you for all your prayers!
RPP, you will be in my prayers as well.
PS. Whay do the acronyms DH, OP etc. mean? I see them used everywhere and just can’t grasp it. Thank you all so much.