I don’t know why I’m writing this, I guess I needed to get this off my chest and any advice would be good.
My wife and I are in conflict over contraception. I want us to use natural family planning, she wants to use oral contraceptives. We haven’t done either of these before or used any kind of family planning, we both know we want to have children, we also both want to not have a child for the next few years.The reason is because we will be going overseas and volunteering with a Christian humanitarian group that operates in conflict zones (we may be going to Iraq). The work will be quite dangerous and some volunteers in the past have died, for obvious reasons the group does not allow its volunteers to take children with them. We both have felt God’s calling to serve Him overseas in these conditions and we have both spent time doing humanitarian work in the past (not together) in some of the more dangerous parts of the world.
I am against cocs not because I am a Catholic but because there is a chance that a baby could be killed. I read that 5% of the time the pills do not stop ovulation and there is a possibility that they make the endometrium hostile to the baby. I have read this (the 5% likelihood) on Christian sites and on non-Christian ones that the probability of that happening is ‘extremely low’ but still there. It is definitely not a risk I want to take, and have told her that as well as what I have read. She doesn’t believe these stats and believes those who say that the risk of ovulation and possible death of the fertilized egg is less than 99%.
I told her that I am not for the pill but I can also not force her not to take it. It would also not be right according to Scripture to deny having sex with her. I don’t know what I can do. Divorce is wrong and is a sin. I love her and I know she is a woman who does love God who has courage and a heart of gold for the least of these and she loves Christ. I believe she has been misled in this instance. She said she is willing to take full responsibility for the possibility that a fertilized egg may not implant due to the pill. I told her that I think it is a risk I am not willing to take, but I will allow her to take responsibility. I don’t think there is much else I can do.
I made her agree though that when we do have sex, I will be using a condom… I know it is not perfect, but it lowers the chances that there would be an abortion. I also made her agree she will take the pill very carefully and regularly while she is on it, so the chances of ovulation are at their lowest. She definitely wants to avoid that as well, and she said she will and I believe her. I want to do as much as I can to not allow an abortion to take place, but aside from denying my wife sex or leaving her (which both are condemned by the Bible, especially the second), I don’t think there is anything I can do. I will be praying to God that He does not allow a child to be conceived and if He does, that it is not aborted.
What do people think of this situation? If you could pray for us, I would really appreciate it.