Controversy Over Liturgical Bears

Allium Cepa News Network (ACNN) has just received a breaking story from the Vatican. A motu proprio has just been issued by the pope. This much anticipated document finally ends the contentious debate regarding the use of dancing bears in the liturgy. Before we proceed, however, a brief history of liturgical bears is in order.

The first reported use of a dancing bear in a liturgy came on August 12th in Berkley, CA. On that day, Fr. Kevin Smith, pastor of Blessed Karl Rahner Catholic Community, introduced a live dancing bear into the sanctuary during the 10 am Mass. The addition came as a shock to some of the parishioners. Parishioner John Hart stated, “I knew the Vatican issued a statement on the use of bears in the liturgy, but I must say, I never expected the bears to actually dance during the Mass.” Other parishioners had more positive reactions. Animal rights activist Robin Byrd remarked, “This is a glorious day in the history of the Church. Finally these bears can share in our joy of the Risen Lord, a Lord not just of people, but of bears as well.”

**Liturgical Bear Practices Dance Moves Before 10am Mass **

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Allium Cepa is, of course, Latin for garlic onion… LOL.

I support the right to arm bears!:stuck_out_tongue:

This made me laugh more than the story!

I just bought a jar of Allium Cepa incense, which really helps to mask the odor of the bears.

This is going to give the “clown Mass” people a whole new lease on life. I’m afraid their comments are going to be, ahem, unbearable.

This is certainly a spoof.

On this side of the pond a certain Rev Simon Smith commented, “Outrageous, alarming, courageous, charming…”

This is either the post of a troll, of someone who is the most naive person ever!

Come on folks - **Blessed Karl Rahner Catholic Community??? **Unbelievable!
Fr. Karl Rahner is/was a dissenter. He preaches heresy. Blessed??? I don’t t[size=2]hink so!

[size=2]Bears in the liturgy? Rubbish![/size]

Calm down, hon, it’s a joke.

It’s satire.:stuck_out_tongue:

sat·ire sá tir ]
1.use of wit to criticize behavior: the use of wit, especially irony, sarcasm, and ridicule, to criticize faults

Note Elizium’s post ( #2), that should have been clue number 1

I’m surprized they didn’t interview Sr. Mary Goldilocks of the LCWR.

The first thing I was worried about is the bear. Dancing bears is disgusting, in the Mass or not.

Could be worse, it could have been dancing hippos

I don’t think you understand. It is a new insight that Jesus is the Lord of men AND bears! They started dancing spontaneously, with joy! Sill the Pope has spoken so we will sending ours back in obedience.

asd, this is a joke anyway (I think). This didn’t really happen at Mass.

What I mean by it being disgusting is that there really is a practice of forcing bears into slavery and making them dance for money. It is supremely cruel and evil. In fact, the reason this magazine used this story is because, very recently, dancing bears were finally done away with in India. Google it. This is a parody–which I’m not sure how I feel about–of that story, I believe.

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