Correcting a sister


#1

I suspect that my sister uses ABC or she may have had her tubes tied after her last pregnancy. While we are close, I don't know how to approach her on this topic, or if I even should.

I know we are called to be our brother's keeper, and to be accountable to one another. Still, this is a very sensitive topic, and she is my older sister. I just don't know what to do, but I'm very concerned that she's not following the Church's teaching.

What do you think: should I mention it or not? If so, how?


#2

[quote="k8e308, post:1, topic:228652"]
I suspect that my sister uses ABC or she may have had her tubes tied after her last pregnancy. While we are close, I don't know how to approach her on this topic, or if I even should.

I know we are called to be our brother's keeper, and to be accountable to one another. Still, this is a very sensitive topic, and she is my older sister. I just don't know what to do, but I'm very concerned that she's not following the Church's teaching.

What do you think: should I mention it or not? If so, how?

[/quote]

If she already had them tied isn't the damage already done? Is your sister also Catholic? If she isn't she may not agree with your beliefs.


#3

Personally, I see nothing wrong with bringing it up, so long as it's done in a respectful manner. My sister is not Catholic, but she chose to use ABC in her marriage. At one point I made the point of talking about Catholicism and why I loved their stance on no contraceptives. I pointed out the cons to contraceptives. Of course, I cannot stop her from using birth control, as I'm not her, but for me, it was important to know that I at least put it out there for her to know why I think it's wrong.

If your sister is Catholic especially, I think it's important for her to know the Church's stance on things if she's unaware, of perhaps she isn't a practicing Catholic.

But I do think that you'd need to be careful about how it's brought up. I think starting out talking about your stance on things and why it's like that is a good way to go about it.


#4

Sorry, I should have mentioned that she is a practicing Catholic, and that's why this concerns me so much.


#5

[quote="k8e308, post:4, topic:228652"]
Sorry, I should have mentioned that she is a practicing Catholic, and that's why this concerns me so much.

[/quote]

Dear correcting a sister,

This is in response to your poem. The Blessed virgin Mother cannot protect you. That is the job of Jesus. She can bring you closer to her Son, but only through prayer, unless you meet her in person and discuss Faith.
May you take Jesus with you everywhere. TJE:thumbsup:


#6

[quote="Mary_Christ, post:5, topic:228652"]
Dear correcting a sister,

This is in response to your poem. The Blessed virgin Mother cannot protect you. That is the job of Jesus. She can bring you closer to her Son, but only through prayer, unless you meet her in person and discuss Faith.
May you take Jesus with you everywhere. TJE:thumbsup:

[/quote]

I cannot believe that you said the Blessed Mother cannot protect anyone,this smacks of Protestantism to me, have you never prayed the Litany of the Blessed Virgin?

Mother of good counsel,
Virgin most powerful
Refuge of sinners
Comforter of the afflicted,
Help of Christians.

And at Fatima when Our Lady said to Lucia that Her Immaculate Heart would be her(Lucias) safe Refuge?

Or how about this statement, ``The protection of Mary accompanies us throughout our lives"--Pope Benedict XV

Then there is the MEMORARE:
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to [Your Protection], implored Your help, or sought Your intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, we fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, our Mother. To You we come; before You we stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not our petitions, but in Your mercy, hear and answer us. Amen.

According to your comments Catholics are in error seeking the protection of the Blessed Mother!


#7

Thank you, testamentum. Well said. :clapping:

Mary Christ, that is very much off-topic, but if you would like to start a thread to discuss it, please let me know. I'd be glad to participate.

To restate the question at hand:

My sister is a practicing Catholic and is married to another Catholic. I have reason to believe she may be using birth control, and may have had a tubal ligation after her last pregnancy. I want to know your opinion as to whether or not I should speak with her about it, and, if so, how I might go about that.

My biggest concerns are: 1) she may never have been taught the Church teaching on birth control; 2) she is my older sister; and 3) I have no idea how to bring up the topic in a respectful and selfless manner.

Thank you for your responses.


#8

If the two of you have a good enough relationship to discuss this, I'd suggest bringing it up in a more general way. Try saying something like, "Your kids are great! Have you thought about having more?" and then see where it takes you. It could be that she's had her tubes tied and didn't know it was wrong, or it could be that she's had "women's problems" and conceiving has been difficult.


#9

Unless she's confessed to you, don't say anything. I know sometimes, couples can have physical problems and may not want family members to know. Or maybe they ARE using NFP and have reasons to do so (I know there are women on this forum with only one or two, who've used it for YEARS for serious health issues). Maybe they just don't want people to know about their sex life. If that's the case, good for them! People are wayyyyy too open about sex in society.


#10

In my experience, if someone is using ABC and doesn't know it is against our faith or is not a Catholic, s/he usually does not hide the fact that it is being used. The person may not flaunt it, but it somehow usually comes up in conversation as "no big deal".

Those that are practicing Catholics, and know it is wrong, and are using it anyway are rather secretive about it. That being said, people using NFP are usually secretive about that as well, because there is the risk of being made fun of.

I'm not saying what it is your sister uses/doesn't use, just realize these are my experiences with Catholic friends, maybe it helps.

I have the opposite problem that you have. My friends bring up their husbands vasectomies and their ABC from time to time, and then I feel like I have to be that lone voice saying that it is REALLY true that birth control is against our religion. The most important reason I need to say something is because there are friends in the group who are using NFP but are waffling about vasectomies. How can I let the conversation go on and let them be swayed into having one??

So, God bless you for your concern and willingness to bring up an uncomfortable topic in order to help. I think if it were me, I would wait for an "in".


#11

[quote="k8e308, post:1, topic:228652"]
I suspect that my sister uses ABC or she may have had her tubes tied after her last pregnancy. While we are close, I don't know how to approach her on this topic, or if I even should.

I ?

[/quote]

we are not called to run our brother or sister's life.
she presumably has had the same teaching you have but her moral decisions are hers alone, and in this case, hers and her husbands, not yours. And the consequences are hers. Tell her the truth if she brings it up or asks you, but otherwise you really have no right to cross examine her on the topic.


#12

I'm wondering if a priest would show up on your doorstep if he had reason to believe you were sinning in some fashion? I don't know how he'd get anything else done.

Now, I figure, if you bring up your sins to a priest, he will calmly explain everything. Well, the ones I know anyway.

He might???? If someone asked to him to. (just show up or call, that is)

I just don't know...

Here's the deal. I am VERY close to my sister, I don't have a problem mentioning ANYTHING to her, but I don't generally lecture her. Ok, well sometimes... LOL!

Ex: Hey, did you know that ABC is not allowed by the Church? It's weird 'cause I don't remember them talking about that much when we were kids, or teens... What do you know about that?

The simple fact is, this was glazed over BIG TIME in the 80's & 90's (teen time I can attest to). LOTS of women are using it. And MANY have no idea it's not ok...


#13

But do you know, FOR SURE, that she's using? "Lots of women" means nothing.

I know I'd be pretty pissed if a priest came to my house and talked to me about something I didn't even bring up with him.


#14

[quote="sanctamaria17, post:13, topic:228652"]
But do you know, FOR SURE, that she's using? "Lots of women" means nothing.

I know I'd be pretty pissed if a priest came to my house and talked to me about something I didn't even bring up with him.

[/quote]

Actually, that's what I mean. A priest WOULDN'T come knocking on your door to talk to you about sins he THINKS you're committing. In fact, short of a close relationship with a priest, he probably wouldn't come knocking at all.

I'm not saying, just ignore your own sister, and hope for the best, but realize that sins are weighed in will, and knowledge and such.

If she KNOWS it's against her faith to do what she's done, she's made a willful choice. That her expressing HER will. If she doesn't know, she's not in as big as trouble, given the first circumstance.

I think the only way for the OP to bring it up, given she obviously doesn't have tell all conversations with her sister... is to ask what the sister knows about the topic, as she's been looking into it for whatever reason... Let the sister lead in her knowledge, and then share what she's learned... and then let sister make her own decisions and exercise her own will....


#15

[quote="testamentum, post:6, topic:228652"]
I cannot believe that you said the Blessed Mother cannot protect anyone,this smacks of Protestantism to me, have you never prayed the Litany of the Blessed Virgin?

Mother of good counsel,
Virgin most powerful
Refuge of sinners
Comforter of the afflicted,
Help of Christians.

And at Fatima when Our Lady said to Lucia that Her Immaculate Heart would be her(Lucias) safe Refuge?

Or how about this statement, ``The protection of Mary accompanies us throughout our lives"--Pope Benedict XV

Then there is the MEMORARE:
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to [Your Protection], implored Your help, or sought Your intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, we fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, our Mother. To You we come; before You we stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not our petitions, but in Your mercy, hear and answer us. Amen.

According to your comments Catholics are in error seeking the protection of the Blessed Mother!

[/quote]

You are very correct. I am so sorry. My fingers must have been afflicted by the Devil. I
MEANT THAT THE BELIEF IN THE VIRGIN MARY CANNOT SAVE YOU. She can and will do all things and more that you mentioned in your response. I STAND CORRECTED.:whacky:


#16

OP

What makes you suspect that your sister is using ABC? Not getting pregnant at the same frequency as before may be nothing more than the correct application of NFP. It drives me crazy that so many Catholics assume some one is using ABC simply because they don't have tons of kids. If you approach her and you are wrong you are going to look like a judgemental, interfering, holier than thou art, jerk. I would mind your own business unless your sister brings it up.


#17

That was humble of you to admit, of course our Blessed Mother is not our Redeemer as only Jesus holds this divine role,but yet we say that Mary is an intercessor par excellence and has brought countless numbers of sinners before Her divine Son and He can refuse Her nothing.
So while we Catholics are lampooned as adoring,worshipping and making an idol out of Mary the fact remains that throughout history She has been the cause of mass conversions, and by conversions I mean that She has enabled many to find Her Son by touching their proud and hardened hearts.
We need only to remember that in Mexico after Her apparitions to Juan Diego over 5 million Aztecs were converted, could Christ have done this without His Mother? of course but it is logical to say that Jesus willed that this should come about by Her intercession. And yet those who rant against the Blessed Virgin are left scandalized simply because they will not even try to understand the role of Mary,regardless of this, we know the secret and we have the experience of Her Motherly love and concern.:slight_smile:


#18

Well, I voted no in the poll, but if you really want to talk to her about it, you could just ask her if she's thought about another baby?

While I generally don't ask this of just anyone (not my business!), I would think that sisters talk about this stuff.

If she confesses that she has been sterilized, you could just ask her how she feels about that? If she says she's on the pill, you could just say, "Oh, we use NFP, it's worked really well for us...wanna hear about it?"

If she doesn't, or seems offended, just drop it, and pray for her.


#19

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