Could God have created me not pretty on purpose?


#1

I’m probably going to sound whiny, but I need to ask.

Could God have created me not pretty on purpose? Because He wants me to be a nun, maybe?

I’m small in height. I hate my body. I’m 19 years old and nobody,* ever*, asked me out or even showed the least bit of interest. It’s true that I am shy, but not to that extent. Nobody has ever told me that I was pretty except for my parents. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me? All my friends have had boyfriends or guys interested in them. It might be superficial, but it affects me quite a bit. :frowning:

Any opinions? Thanks.

Meggie


#2

Aw. Meggie, I’m sorry. :hug1:

If it’s any consolation, 19 is a bad age for everyone. :wink: Seriously, I made most of my mistakes at 19 and at the time it really seemed like things wouldn’t change. Chin up, focus on your interests and what makes you interesting! Don’t define your life by others, there’s nothing more awful than changing your personality and interests to suit others. Embrace what makes you unique! I know it seems tough now, but take a step back and focus on being the a happy person. :slight_smile:

Meanwhile, here’s a little fable to keep in mind:

King Solomon, it was said, was feeling blue and asked his advisors to find him a ring he had once seen in a dream.

“When I feel satisfied I’m afraid that it won’t last. And when I don’t, I am afraid my sorrow will go on forever. Find me the ring that will ease my suffering.” he demanded.

Solomon sent out all of his advisors, and eventually one of them met an old jeweler who carved into a simple gold band the inscription, “this too shall pass.” When the king received his ring and read the inscription, his sorrows turned to joy and his joy to sorrows, and then both gave way to equanimity.


#3

Meggie, I could have written that same post at your age. I even had priests at school tell me that I had the face of a nun. :shrug:

Fast forward 20 years later. I am married to a great guy and have a wonderful son.

Trust in God.

Hugs!


#4

[quote="Meggie18, post:1, topic:253962"]
I'm probably going to sound whiny, but I need to ask.

Could God have created me not pretty on purpose? Because He wants me to be a nun, maybe?

I'm small in height. I hate my body. I'm 19 years old and nobody,* ever*, asked me out or even showed the least bit of interest. It's true that I am shy, but not to that extent. Nobody has ever told me that I was pretty except for my parents. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me? All my friends have had boyfriends or guys interested in them. It might be superficial, but it affects me quite a bit. :(

Any opinions? Thanks.

Meggie

[/quote]

Meggie, you dont know how lucky you are. You think you are ugly? Then you are lucky.
That is a long discussion I have with my friends, over beer and classic music: which is better, to be pretty or ugly? I always defend that it is better to be ugly (I consider myself ugly!), for when somebody of the opposite sex loves you you know (in my case) she loves you, not your beauty.

You know, Meggie, at 19, girls may be different, some beautiful some ugly, but the difference disappears totally when you reach 60. then, sometimes things get inverted, the ugly become more beautiful than the beautiful.

Boys never noticed you? Maybe they do not deserve you! You know, rubbish is easy to find, pearls, diamonds and gold are difficult.

Attention: I am not saying that beautiful girls are rubbish, for this is totally untrue.

Do not be shy. Be yourself. You are shy because you consider yourself ugly, the more shy you are the more unsocial you become which in turn may turn yourself into more shy and it is a round circle.

The ladies I know I consider more "sexy" (no affair intended, just a judgement of value) are ugly ladies but who have got "fire" inside. I remember one of my favorite friends, 18 years old, not beautiful at all but always with a bright smile on her face, looks to you eye-to-eye, intelligent, sensitive, with a quick answer. She is hard working and a good team member. When I compare with other colleagues much more beautiful than her physically, she beats them with good margin for what lacks to them is that "inside fire" that ignites people around.

Look at your qualities, laugh at your shortcomings, and wait and enjoy life and do not rush for dates. God knows you are there and He has a plan for you which,though may pass to be a nun, not necessarily is for I know very beautiful nuns...


#5

Dear Meggie,
We aren't always the best judge of how attractive we are. When I was your age I didn't think I was either...but when I look back at the photos there is this fresh, warm-looking young face. One day you may look at your earlier photos and wonder why you didn't see the beauty it does have even if it doesn't have all the shapes and dimensions you wish. People have long told me that my smile is special and makes my face look lovely...and I bet yours is also. Have hope, and see all the little things in your life that are blessings and that are beautiful that maybe you usually don't notice, and give genuine little kindnesses, and your smile to others, and you will shine with a beauty that means more than perfect features. Who cares if anyone has outer perfection but who are gloomy and negative!

And God didn't make you 'not pretty'. God creates us in cooperation with our human parents and we have our genetics from our parents...and who is actually to say what is 'pretty' or not. Artists throughout the ages have had different perceptions of beauty.
You are beautiful in your own unique way, and nobody can say otherwise.

If you project any negativity about yourself and life to others they will pick this up, but if you project welcome, and acceptance of yourself and others, as you and they are, then you will be attractive to others, whether or not you have perfect physical features (whatever that is.)


#6

The haggard, worn, aged, wrinkled, but loving face of Mother Teresa was the most beautiful thing that thousands of dying souls ever saw.

We cannot find universal consensus on what beauty is. God is the only One who appreciates our beauty for what it really is: a reflection of His image.


#7

Dear Meggie

Your post made me cry. Please don’t ever say you are not pretty. First and foremost you are a child of God. You are created in his image and his likeness therefore whatever your looks are, you are definitely a special person.

I don’t know how you look like but all I can say is this. It is true that not all women are gifted with beauty HOWEVER there are lots of things that can make a woman beautiful. Be positive on this one!!Try to research more on different hairstyles, different ways of putting eye make up, eating healthy, having beautiful skin, how to dress well etc…

Remember that lots of women are not gifted with beauty but with tricks, women make themselves more attractive.

With regards to men, don’t worry about that. You are still so young and I suggest you focus on your career first. I had my first boyfriend at the age of 28 and he is now my husband…

Take care Meggie… Lots of hugs


#8

Every single response has been well said...

First and foremost - you are the beloved child of God.

If - up to this point, it is your 'looks' or your self confidence that has kept the boys from knocking on your door - you really haven't missed a thing - although I am sure it doesn't
feel like that.

When you are ready to welcome someone into your life you will do so because you see the value in them and they in turn see the value in you. Your self perception may have saved you from a lot of mistakes - and hopefully it will continue to do so - and not cause you to try to be something other then who you truly are.

So much good advice already offered - your inner beauty will shine right through - so keep working on that beauty.

And just to call into question what our society thinks is 'beautiful' - do a search for stars without their make up and their surgery - better by far to be REAL -

And one more thing - shame on those priests for saying such a thing to you - I had a fifth grade teacher who said 'You can trip over a postage stamp' because I was clumsy - and as you might guess I still think of my self as less than graceful!! We should all be aware what we say to children - IT IS ONE THING to encourage someone to consider a vocation - but to make a young girl think less of herself - I am sure they weren't aware just how fragile that self image is - but honestly that is a lesson to all of us!!

Blessings to you!


#9

God made all women pretty just as they are. For God they are all pretty in his eyes.


#10

Meggie, it could be your vocation is to be a religious, or you could be called, as most people are, to marriage. Something to always pray about - but I see the amount of physical beauty you have as being a separate issue from your vocation in life (btw, I’ve seen pretty nuns and sisters.)

Men show interest in women of all different shapes and sizes. So I really see your shyness and emphasis on yourself as being somewhat limiting. Unfortunately, sometimes people will misinterpret it as aloofness or a message that you’re not open toward other people or that you don’t like them. The things we could have expressed to others are important too. :slight_smile:


#11

Dear Meggie,
I chanced on a play written by the late Fr. James Reuters, S.J. entitled "Dolls that nobody wanted." It was about dolls in a toys store. Just a few minutes before midnight of December 24, only the defective dolls were left in the store. These dolls talked and protested against the Toymaker for having made them defective resulting in their being left by buyers.
The Toymaker said "I made you defective on purpose because you are the ones I want with me this Christmas. See, had I made you perfect and beautiful, I would have none as companion this Christmas. Can you imagine how sad spending Christmas alone?"
And the dolls were pacified at the thought that the Toymaker wanted them for himself.


#12

My boyfriend is gonna kill me for this, but I know exactly what you mean. I have many flaws that seem to make me not qualify for pretty.

In college which was 3/4 girls I didnt stand a chance. I went out on a date (singular) and would later find the guy had decided to date one of those perfect girls. My boyfriend during my Jr year didnt even attend my college.

Infact, my most hurt “breakup” came from internet dating. We did the whole speal, email for two month, phone for a month and go out on a couple of dates. In the end he made a decision. He said we were both very similar and wonderful to be around but he chose her. I later saw him in a dioces sposered event picture…she was one of those ‘perfect’ girls.

Its fine now and im actually glad it happened. I have a wonderful boyfriend who says im the prittiest girl alive. See, you dont need all guys to think you are pretty…and other girls can go pound sand…you just need one. And believe me, when the time comes he will notice. In my case im in my late 20’s and he’s rounding 30.

Enjoy your life at 19. Go to college and have fun. Study hard and join lots of clubs. Get a pt job. When youre out on your own with your own car and job and friends the guy (if he’s ment to be) will come.


#13

Keep in mind that many of the "pretty" women that you see on TV and in magazines are created by makeup artists, hairstylists, and fashion designers, or by photographers generously using airbrushes.

I'm not a faithful reader of National Enquirer and other papers like it. But I love the way these papers show pictures of the "stars" without their makeup and without retouching.

Many of the "beauties" are actually rather plain. It's what they do with makeup, hairstyles, and fashion that makes them beautiful.

Digital TV has been a disaster for many women (and men, too)! Many of the "stars" and TV journalists look dreadful in digital--lots of wrinkles, age spots, bags under the eyes--we see it all clearly now! Shudder!

I'm guessing that if you were to spend the money on an "image maker" or "beauty consultant" or someone who can do a "makeover" on you, you would discover that you can be quite beautiful!

It might be worth doing that, just to prove it to yourself, and to learn to use makeup, hairstyles, and fashions in a way that will enhance what God has given you. You don't have to spend a lot of money. In fact, a Mary Kay consultant will do the makeup for free (although you will be strongly tempted to spend several hundred dollars on the Mary Kay products!).

I would also suggest that you keep yourself in good physical condition. There is something very attractive about a woman of any size or body build who is strong and in good shape. Do whatever exercise and diet program you like and works for you, but don't let your body get fat and flabby like so many women in the U.S. do.

My younger daughter is a beauty, at least when she has her makeup on and her hair fixed. She has participated in several beauty pageants and placed in the Top Three. People stare at her in restaurants and stores. Little girls on her skating teams constantly say how pretty she is.

But in the morning, when she doesn't have makeup on, she is not all that pretty. She has learned to use makeup to enhance her natural features. When you see her, you do not get the impression of caked-on makeup--in fact, you would swear that she isn't wearing any makeup. But she is! She wears a LOT of makeup! But she's very skillful at applying it so that it all appears natural.

My older daughter isn't exactly pretty, at least by the current "fashion world" definition of pretty. She has some facial asymmetry which could be very homely, and she also has smallish eyes. But she, too, has learned to use makeup, hairstyles, and fashions to create a very appealing "look" for herself. She wears certain pieces well, especially shawls and scarves, and she does amazing things with her makeup that enhance her faical bone structure and make her look extremely stylish and well-put-together. She is also in incredible physical condition and has a great body due to figure skating, marathon running, and yoga.

I would be careful about discerning a vocation to religious life based on your perception of your beauty. I'm guessing that you will be turned away, because a woman shouldn't join an order because she thinks she isn't pretty and no man will want her. You need to have a realistic self-image, not a skewed one based on observing other women and their "success" with dating.

BTW, it has been my observation that very few men ask a woman out. Most teenage boys, especially Christian boys, claim to be "too shy" to ask a girl out. I think that these "shy" boys deserve a good, swift kick by their parents! Boys who claim false shyness make it so hard for modest girls like yourself to find a mate without turning to coyness and flirting, and then the modest girls end up with losers who just wants sex. Good Christian boys need to gird up their loins, stop being wimpy, and ASK the sweet, modest girls out! Don't force them to flirt and be shameless just to get asked out for dinner!

Of course, the "courtship marriage" model that some extremely conservative Christians (Catholic and Protestant) are promoting is utterly ruining dating in the United States. No wonder boys don't ask a girl out on a date--they don't want the dad telling them that "my daughter will not date anyone until they are ready to MARRY her!" This is ridiculous and extremist and scares a lot of decent boys away. Why can't a good boy simply invite a good girl out for a burger and a coke and some nice conversation? The courtship marriage model is making it harder for boys to ask a girl out, and this is creating the feeling among modest girls that they will never find anyone to marry. So sad. I urge parents to please seriously re-consider if you are advocating the courtship dating model in your family. Talk to Christian parents who DO allow their children to date just for fun, and you'll see that normal dating isn't necessarily a pathway to sin. It's actually rather healthy.


#14

Meggie, I'm rather mediocre looking myself. Though I am annulled, I am still single at the age of 30. I am also rather bashful at times and rarely go on a date. I too, have wondered at times whether God intended for me to have a religious vocation, despite the fact that I have a little girl. I have been told of a few respectful orders where they allow women with grown children, but I have at least seven years to figure that out.

I will give you this advice, which is easier said than done; you probably can't do much about your physical beauty, but God made everyone to have a beautiful heart. Please keep this in mind; only a smart man could notice a beautiful heart, and once he finds such, he won't leave.

I am no relationship or vocation expert by any means.Nonetheless, you are young and even an old maid like myself should still be picky. Really give it some thought and a great deal of prayer before getting into a relationship with any man, rather than jumping in for the sake of a relationship. Also, seek the advice of your friends, clergy and family first- do not skip this part! I made this mistake and wound up with a lot of problems that had to be worked through in therapy. God Bless and I will be praying for you!


#15

I assure you from the bottom of my heart, you are much prettier than what you think you are.

I know nothing about women, but the one theory I have is that the girls who are the prettiest think they are the ugliest, and the girls who walk around thinking they are drop dead gorgeous are usually hideous.


#16

I agree with Cat’s post the most. I find the most women just need to learn how to work with what they have got. Have you ever seen the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Prime example of how a woman can go from serious plain jane to drop dead gorgeous.

I do hope you don’t jump on this band wagon that does nothing but talk trash about pretty women. I’m a little disgusted actually, with some of the above responses.


#17

I agree with this post.

I’m always amazed at the women that my husband thinks are pretty and the ones he thinks are ugly. (He actually doesn’t think any woman is ugly, just not aware of their potential!).

He will point out a woman that I think is rather plain and say that she’s cute, while I’ll point out someone I think is gorgeous and he’ll say, “Hag.”

E.g., He thinks Julia Roberts is very homely, while most women think she is a beauty.

Any GOOD man will get past a woman’s looks quickly. Men can’t help but notice a woman’s looks first, because that’s the first thing they see, and so it makes sense for a young woman who is seeking a mate to try to look as good as she can (recognize her potential and live up to it).

But once a man starts talking to a woman and then starts getting to know her, he will quickly–if he is a good man–realize whether a woman is worth spending time with and getting to know more deeply.

A mature, decent man understands that a woman’s beauty will fade. Those perky bosoms will sag after the woman has nursed several babies. The butt will expand, the belly will hang just a little, and the smooth face will fill out with wrinkles. If the woman becomes seriously ill with a disease like cancer (1 out of 9 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer), or a painful condition like arthritis, she will lose many of the physical traits that we currently use as a definition of female beauty.

A good, mature man knows all this, and he looks past the young woman’s looks and into her soul to try to determine whether her soul will become more beautiful even as her body and face whithers with age.

An immature boy doesn’t know all this. We must be prepared to excuse a boy or a young man, because they are young and life seems to stretch out before them endlessly. Hopefully as he grows older and acquires more experience meeting and interacting with women, he will learn the truth.


#18

^ Very wise comments, Cat.

Also, if you ask some middle-aged/older men, many will tell you that generally with little exception, most younger women who are well-groomed and presentable are lovely and that they failed to appreciate that fact when they were young and immature. The same is true for women in many cases and their opinion of men, so I think perspective is key.

Cat is right though, looks don’t last forever, so it it is unfortunate when people base the entire relationship upon them. If there is nothing deeper, both people will end up miserable and unhappy when the one thing that brought them together is no longer there.


#19

Hi!

When I was 17 I went to the prom with a friend--I thought all the other girls were better looking and that I looked ugly and awful. When I look at my pictures now I don't know what I was thinking. :shrug: I was beautiful then---and of course now I am still picking on my looks. You would think I would learn. LOL

I think many times we just think we are ugly and that is NOT the case at all. One of my teachers in high school said there are beautiful women that look in the mirror and they see that they are ugly. This means it can be just what we see and not what others see!!! :)


#20

[quote="Meggie18, post:1, topic:253962"]
I 'm probably going to sound whiny, but I need to ask.

Could God have created me not pretty on purpose? Because He wants me to be a nun, maybe?

I'm small in height. I hate my body. I'm 19 years old and nobody,* ever*, asked me out or even showed the least bit of interest. It's true that I am shy, but not to that extent. Nobody has ever told me that I was pretty except for my parents. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me? All my friends have had boyfriends or guys interested in them. It might be superficial, but it affects me quite a bit. :(

Any opinions? Thanks.

Meggie

[/quote]

This is not against you, but against the one who has been seducing you without your awareness, a quote from today's Gospel for you to repeat to that evil liar: "Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do."

No, God is not going to make you into a nun by getting you to hate some part of how He made you. God does not make lovely women to seduce the men into marriage with their looks while he holds back a few leftovers for himself that didn't quite work on the potter's wheel. That is the devil talking, girl. If you don't believe that, you haven't been to many convents. You'll not find them more or less populated with pretty women than the pews of your local parish.

You are made in the image and likeness of God. Your body was intended from your conception to be the Temple of the Holy Spirit, the physical vessel in which God Himself is pleased to dwell. If pretty is as pretty does, then the body of a saint it as pretty as pretty gets. That is what you are intended to be, body and all. This is a true loveliness that can be seen, but it starts not with certain physical features, but with joy and the other fruits of the Holy Spirit.

On a practical note, even partial self-loathing is an unattractive feature. If you dislike your own looks, it shows. You communicate it, you look like it. Self-loathing in any degree also impedes works of virtue, because it keeps you concentrating on yourself. Loathe sin, yes, but do not loathe how God made you!! Work on dressing yourself modestly but in a becoming manner, and then after that forgetting how you look to people in favor of how you look to God.

Oh, and just a tip: Beware of men who tell you that you are pretty before they know you. That is not a sin, but it is a red flag. Your looks are what someone might see first if he is struck by "love at first sight", this is true, but it is always what the predators see first. For a user, there isn't anything he really needs to know about you, save the externals. He couldn't care less about the rest. Avoid that man as if he were sin!


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