I want to thank in advance those who take the time to read this, because I fear it will be rather lengthy…but I am in desperate need of advice (and prayer!)
My husband and I have been married a little over 2 years. We dated off and on for about 4 prior to getting married. I was the one who always broke up with him - mainly because I just didn’t feel as strongly about him as he felt about me. Somehow he always convinced me to give it another chance, that he knew I had feelings for him…and I always gave it another chance.
During one of our “off” periods he joined the military. He wanted to get away from me so he could “get over” me and move on, I suppose. Well, I missed him like crazy and we wrote love letters back and forth during his basic training, and I felt strongly that I had finally gotten my prayers answered and that he was “the one”.
I brought up marriage and 5 months later we were married. During our engagement I realized again that my feelings weren’t as strong, but I couldn’t bear the thought of telling him or calling off the wedding (especially since I had been the one to suggest we get married). During our engaged encounter weekend we actually FOUGHT the whole time and I remember thinking that we had no business getting married - but the wedding was 2 weeks away and I just couldn’t call it off.
SO, here we are a little over 2 years later and we have suffered through a miserable first few years. We fight horribly, we are not kind to each other, and there are so many issues that I fear will never be resolved. He isn’t Catholic and while that didn’t seem to bother me as much while we were dating, I find it very difficult to deal with now.
After our most recent fight, my feelings that I had been keeping to myself poured out and I told him that I hadn’t really wanted to get married…and he told me that he knew I didn’t “love him unconditionally”. Things are, of course, horribly awkward and sad at our house. He is so hurt, and I hate that I hurt him. I truly feel like we should never have gotten married, but of course now I have no idea what to do about it.
I hate the idea of divorce, but our situation is complicated by the fact that we are stationed in Germany for the next TWO years - which means we have pretty much no resources when it comes to marriage help. I have sought counseling multiple times over the past 2 years (for myself, he wouldn’t come along), but the counselors were very unhelpful. I have heard great things about Retrouvaille, but they don’t have them here, and we don’t have the luxury of being able to fly back to the states to attend a retreat.
Things can’t stay the way they are now, but also I don’t know what to do, where to turn. We can’t stay in this limbo for 2 years until we get back to the states. And is this something that can be overcome? Can God make me fall in love with my husband? Can He make me love him unconditionally? I prayed for that all while we were dating and it never happened…
(God bless you if you made it through this post:o )