I have always felt no love for God my entire life. I was raised Catholic but left the Church at the age of 14 only to revert to it at age 31. I believe in everything the Catholic church teaches and that Jesus Christ is God almighty but my belief is only at an intellectual level it has yet to penetrate the brick wall that surrounds my heart.
Is it possible that God is testing me by giving me a hardness of heart in order to see whether I will remain faithful to him in the cold darkness of my cold hearted faith? Why would God not want me to be able to love Him and shout to the whole world that I love Him only for the reality to set in that I don’t love Him as I should.
The only experience I have had with the Lord speaking to my heart was when I was standing before a crucifix of Our Lord praying my morning prayers when I understood interiorly the Lord saying to me in words I could not hear… it was more an interior understanding that He was saying to me “I long for you” and after that I had a strong inspiration to go to Adoration (and I did). But other than this experience its been nothing but my feeling cold towards God and dry prayers that I feel are a bunch of babbling words.
I try praying the LOTH in order to have some form of a prayer life but its hard when I don’t feel love behind the words I speak to God in my prayers.
Does anyone else feel this way or have any spiritual advice to offer me? I’d appreciate any helpful replies. Thanks and have a blessed Sunday.