My friend and I are currently filling out the paperwork for both of us to get anullments. We are both divorced Catholics. How much if any type of courting is allowed during this process of waiting on the decision?
I would say no courting/dating is allowed because until you have an annulment, you have to assume your marriage is valid and treat it accordingly.
None. Your still married in the eyes of the Church until they determine otherwise. There are never any guarantees that your annullment will be granted.
You know what, I faced this same issue when I met my wife that I am married to now.
My annulment was not finish and we stayed simply as friends, we did not even hold hands.
When that annulment was granted it was the best day ever. It is much more meaningful and proper when you was not attached to someone else. You can’t give yourself to anyone else yet.
Patience is a virtue!
Do not invest emotionally in a relationship until you know you are both free. If one or both of you is found to have a valid marriage, it will be worse than devastating to have to end your relationship. Stay friends, but don’t go further until you are free.
I also would add that now would be a good time to focus on prayer, your relationship with God…soul searching. Maybe take up a few hobbies and “find yourself”. Make this time for YOU. Focus on YOU. Now is time for healing.
Then you’ll be more than ready to make a fresh start if/when that annullment finally comes through. You’ll have a clear head and perspective on life. And who knows, you may have accidentally met “the one” while you were persuing your new hobbies.
Even with being friends, I would still caution you to limit the amount of time that you spend together. You should probably also not see yourselves as having something exclusive and committed, because that is really impossible until you know that you are free to do so. So, try to get out with other friends, both men and women, as well.
I’m also in the annulment process now. I’ve been talking this over with my priest lately. He says now is not really the time for an emotional relationship with someone. It is best to use this time in prayer and to work on strengthening your relationship with God.
when my friend separated from her husband and filed for divorce over 5 yrs.ago due to him not supporting the family at all & causing them to foreclose on the house, she filed for an annulment and then a few months later, started dating someone from her parish who was divorced and getting ready to join the church.
She told me that she prayed for the kind of man God wanted her to be with who would treat her like a queen and be responsible. She only married her ex b/c she thought he’d grow up once he found out she was pregnant & wanted to do the right thing. I tried to explain to her that in the eyes of the church she’s still married and she shouldn’t be dating until her annullment and her bf’s was granted.
He was married before(noncatholic at the time) by a JP & he divorced his wife after 2 yrs. b/c he wanted kids & found out afterwards she didn’t.
Anyway, to make a long story short, she told me that God wants her to be happy & how unchristian the church was if she couldn’t be. Then I noticed changes in her after I had my stroke. She knew about it but no calls, visits, etc. I was always there for her whenever she needed someone, and yet she wasn’t there for me. I thought it was b/c of her busy job but then after my FIL died, I told her about it, and nothing…no mass card, no visits to see how I was doing. It really hurt. So for a whole yr. no contact at all.
Then I ran into her at a concert at a local church. She ran up to me and hugged me as if nothing was wrong. I was polite and all but it just seemed weird. Then I get this email saying she stopped talking to me b/c she claims I kept on bringing up how she and Doug shouldn’t be together, it’s wrong in the eyes of the church, etc. She forgives me for how I acted, ( I was thinking HOW I ACTED??–I’ve always been there for her & when I needed her she wasn’t there at all ) being judgmental & all and that Doug proposed to her and they plan to marry this summer but aren’t sure where b/c they both don’t have their annulments granted, not sure if it should be in a church or outside, etc.
I guess she just doesn’t want to hear the truth and will do what she wants anyway. She’s really not setting an example for her 2 sons (ages 20 and 15). They don’t go to church anymore b/c she’s tired of fighting with them to wake up early Sunday AM so she goes w/o them.
I don’t believe in lying about one’s marital status (she said she’d do that too if both annulments are denied) in order to join a new parish (we are consolidating where we live) & making up rules as I go along. She has really changed since she left her ex. Yes, what he did was wrong, but 2 wrongs don’t make it right. I recall only telling her twice that she needed to hold off on dating & not the many times she claims.
Am I wrong for doing what I did? Why did she make it sound like I needed to ask for forgiveness when all I did was remind her what she already knows.
Until the process is over you don’t know if the marriage will be found null or not.
Great advice. Like others hve mentioned, one’s marriage is considered valid until proven otherwise. One shouldn’t be in a romantic relationship while married to someone else, ever. Investing in a relationship with hopes of getting married to later find out you can never marry the other person would be very difficult to deal with, and possibly could affect one’s soul/ cause great temptation, so its best to wait and use that time to grow, hopefully helping one avoid entering another problematic and/or invalid marriage.
I would love to recommend a book to everyone Christian Courtship in an oversexed world. A guide for Catholics. by Thomas Morrow, a Catholic Priest.
He discourages any courtship before an annullment has been granted.