[quote="live4life, post:1, topic:231415"]
So. I've been thinking about the concept of courtship a lot lately. I'm just interested to know if anyone has developed a good relationship through courtship (ultimately leading to marriage)? & what does it involve? Can you court someone whilst still discerning? Do you or can you go on "dates" with the person you are courting, or are you only meant to spend time with each other in group situations? Say if you decide to marry the person do you know them well enough, really?
Sorry about all the questions! :) just wanting to learn a bit more about it all!
If anyone has any experiences & would like to share them that would be awesome :)
God bless & thanks in advance :D
I have read a lot about courtship. One of my sons is chaste and intents to court/discern. The other has made mistakes already but insists that dating is good for him.
Here is how I would implement courtship v. dating. First, it is perfectly fine for young people to go out in groups (after about age 14), but not singly. So young men and ladies can be in one another's company but only in the presence of others and preferably with a chaperone until they are proven to have self-control.
Discerning is for when the young man is ready to be married, or is close to that time. So he can then date a young lady one-on-one, but not in very tempting situations such as spending a lot of time alone, in a car, in a dark theater, etc. Some young courting couples only do daytime dates. Hopefully, the girl and boy have already spent some time together and talked within that group of friends. But if not, then these dates are helpful to get to know one another. Since they are keeping things very quiet emotionally, if either party discerns that the other person would not be suitable, they may go their separate ways without a lot of turmoil/hurt, etc.
It's not just to have a lot of fun together. Some of discerning must be serious talks about the future, to see if the other person is in agreement with religious issues especially. Family, children, work, use of leisure time, are all good things to discuss. I guess I use the terms "courtship" and "discernment" interchangeably.
OK, so if the two of them decide they wish things to go further, then the families need to meet, if they haven't already. At that point I would expect engagement to be imminent. But there may be problems to work out before the marriage. Once they get engaged then there are classes to take, etc.
I think that serious dating/courtship/discernment should ONLY be done once the young people are looking to be married, and yes, of COURSE they can know each other well enough to marry! In fact, because sex is not involved, they can get to know each other BETTER because they are not all emotionally attached and are paying attention to what the other person really says and does instead of just being attached because of sex.