Cousin sexual relationship


#1

Hello, i met my first cousin from my paternal side about six years ago..we didnt grow up together but ever since we met m,we have had intense sexual desires toward each other n i find her very attractive..we have kissed n had oral sex etc but no penile penetration..my question is, whats the church stance regarding cousin marriage? N what are the conditions? I know there is the 12.5% genetic make up we share..


#2

I believe it is something generally not permitted by th church, but I have a vague memory of being told it can be dispensed in some cases.


#3

[quote="fredmack2, post:1, topic:322217"]
Hello, i met my first cousin from my paternal side about six years ago..we didnt grow up together but ever since we met m,we have had intense sexual desires toward each other n i find her very attractive..we have kissed n had oral sex etc but no penile penetration..my question is, whats the church stance regarding cousin marriage? N what are the conditions? I know there is the 12.5% genetic make up we share..

[/quote]

:twocents: people used to do this quite a bit. I discovered at least one instance of first cousins marrying on one side of my family tree (4 generations ago), and possibly twice on the other side (both possibilities more than 5 generations ago). If you're worried about that, what do you think they will say about premarital oral sex? (As I understand it, the Church is OK with oral if it results in traditional coitus between married people.)


#4

[quote="fredmack2, post:1, topic:322217"]
Hello, i met my first cousin from my paternal side about six years ago..we didnt grow up together but ever since we met m,we have had intense sexual desires toward each other n i find her very attractive..we have kissed n had oral sex etc but no penile penetration..my question is, whats the church stance regarding cousin marriage? N what are the conditions? I know there is the 12.5% genetic make up we share..

[/quote]

I believe first cousins require a dispensation to get married in the Catholic Church. I'm not 100% sure of that, however. You should consult with a priest on this matter. He can best advise you on how to proceed.


#5

A quick search turned up the following: catholicexchange.com/can-cousins-marry-in-the-church/

I quote:

But as for two first cousins… the Church’s position is that they are forbidden to marry only by ecclesiastical law, not by divine law. For this reason it is canonically possible to receive a dispensation that permits two first-cousins to marry validly in the Catholic Church. (This assumes, of course, that it is legal under civil law in the area where the marriage is to take place—and in the U.S., some states permit it, while others don’t.)

While a diocesan bishop may certainly grant a dispensation allowing two first-cousins to marry, rest assured that he will take a closer look at any other relations between the two families’ bloodlines first. The Church will always watch out for the best interests of the faithful, which in some cases may involve allowing two first-cousins to marry. But in general, we can see here a good instance of canon law working hand-in-hand with natural law — cathy which, after all, was established by God Himself.


#6

I really want to be charitable and assume this is a serious question about an exact situation that you are experiencing. However, my troll alert siren is going off. :takeoff:


#7

Ecclesiastical law meaning?


#8

[quote="grasscutter, post:6, topic:322217"]
I really want to be charitable and assume this is a serious question about an exact situation that you are experiencing. However, my troll alert siren is going off. :takeoff:

[/quote]

Please do not assume, this is a real life situation..it is happening


#9

[quote="fredmack2, post:7, topic:322217"]
Ecclesiastical law meaning?

[/quote]

A law of the Church and not of Divine origin.


#10

Meaning we can ignore it? Not important?


#11

[quote="fredmack2, post:8, topic:322217"]
Please do not assume, this is a real life situation..it is happening

[/quote]

Okay, fair enough. Please forgive me.


#12

[quote="fredmack2, post:10, topic:322217"]
Meaning we can ignore it? Not important?

[/quote]

LOL, no. Meaning that Catholics are bound to obey (a virtue) it, but that it can be dispensed with or at a future date changed, but the rule is a good idea, which is why it became law in the first place.

Another example of Ecclesiastical law, is the rubrics, order of Mass and the prayers at Mass. So the fact that we say the Our Father at Mass is an Ecclesiastical Law/rule. But as Catholics we are still bound to obey it (but non-catholics do not). Notice, it is also a good idea for us to say the Our Father at Mass as a community.


#13

Meaning since it’s a Church law, the Church can set it aside in certain circumstances.

My parents were first cousins, well, half first cousins, they shared a grandmother but had different grandfathers. They were granted a dispensation to marry. Originally the bishop refused to grant it and they were devastated but their Pastor went to bat for them and the Bishop eventually relented.

I noted in the register of one of the parishes I served that most of the marriages in that small isolated community required dispensations due to consanguinity.


#14

[quote="fredmack2, post:1, topic:322217"]
Hello, i met my first cousin from my paternal side about six years ago..we didnt grow up together but ever since we met m,we have had intense sexual desires toward each other n i find her very attractive..we have kissed n had oral sex etc but no penile penetration..my question is, whats the church stance regarding cousin marriage? N what are the conditions? I know there is the 12.5% genetic make up we share..

[/quote]

After consulting a priest...I strongly suggest consulting a doctor too.....but I think the first and second cousins....maybe up the fourth....there is medical advice against marrying because of genetic reasons.


#15

No...not even a close call.
Pax Christi

Canon Law
Can. 1091 §1. In the direct line of consanguinity marriage is invalid between all ancestors and descendants, both legitimate and natural.

§2. In the collateral line marriage is invalid up to and including the fourth degree.

§3. The impediment of consanguinity is not multiplied.

§4. A marriage is never permitted if doubt exists whether the partners are related by consanguinity in any degree of the direct line or in the second degree of the collateral line.


#16

I’m I reading this right that if you share a great great grandparent with someone, the Church won’t marry you? (up to the 4th degree)

I’m surprised that they require it be that distant.


#17

[quote="fredmack2, post:1, topic:322217"]
Hello, i met my first cousin from my paternal side about six years ago..we didnt grow up together but ever since we met m,we have had intense sexual desires toward each other n i find her very attractive..we have kissed n had oral sex etc but no penile penetration..my question is, whats the church stance regarding cousin marriage? N what are the conditions? I know there is the 12.5% genetic make up we share..

[/quote]

As she is not your wife, I suggest that you no longer engage in sexual activities. If you have not been to confession for this sexual sin, please do so. Please ask this lady to forgive you also for engaging in sinful acts with her.

You mention nothing about her except finding her very attractive and having sexual desires towards her. This beautiful woman is a real person who deserves to have someone who respects her and enjoys the whole person that she is, not just her attractiveness and sexuality.

May God lead you to a chaste relationship with this lady.

Peace to both of you.


#18

I can only say that a niece and nephew were married in the Church. I found it strange, uncomfortable, my brother's child, my sister's child...but the Church did allow it.

You need to approach your priest, not us.
And it isn't a blessed but a sinful thing for any of us to indulge in sex outside legitimate marriage, you know that of course.
Love isn't sex, and in a sinful situation, sex is selfishness, not love, because it shows no consideration for either person's soul or eternal salvation. If we aren't concerned for each other's souls, can we honestly say we love them or that they love us?
We also need to look carefully at our relationships to discern whether they are love and attraction, or lust and attraction.
Hopefully you will seek guidance from your priest.

May God bless you and your family


#19

[quote="pablope, post:14, topic:322217"]
After consulting a priest...I strongly suggest consulting a doctor too.....but I think the first and second cousins....maybe up the fourth....there is medical advice against marrying because of genetic reasons.

[/quote]

I know about the medical part..they say theoretically tht you increase the chances of bad recessive traits showing up..because you share some genes..1/8th..but Arabs n jews have been doin it for years without any serious consequences!!


#20

[quote="WingsOfEagles, post:16, topic:322217"]
I'm I reading this right that if you share a great great grandparent with someone, the Church won't marry you? (up to the 4th degree)

I'm surprised that they require it be that distant.

[/quote]

No, it's not calculated like that.

First cousins are 4th degree for the purpose of consanguinity.

Len wanted to marry Flo who was his first cousin. The degrees are counted backwards.

Len to his dad James (1st degree) to his grandmother Gillette (2nd degree) to his aunt Josephine (3rd degree) to his cousin Flo (4th degree).


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