Hello, CAF friends. I'm stuck in the middle of an uncomfortable situation. My one and only brother (I'll call him Bob, not his real name) separated from his wife about 2.5 years ago; they have since divorced. Shortly after he left their house (and perhaps before this), Bob got involved with a woman whom I'll call Jane (not her real name, either). Jane is much younger than he is -- in fact, she is only a few months older than Bob's son. A few weeks after Bob found a new place to stay, Jane moved in with him, along with her two middle-school-aged kids. This was two years ago, and to this day, their relationship remains a secret from our parents. Bob knows they would disapprove, and I think he figures that as old as they are, they won't be around much longer anyway, so why burden them with this? I can agree with this to a certain extent, but there is always a problem at holiday-times, and I get stuck in the middle.
Even though the family is non-religious (I'm a convert), we would always have a family dinner for the major holidays. But since Bob has been shacked up with Jane, he wants to be with her on holidays rather than being with our family. So rather than admitting to the relationship and bringing her over or saying that he wants to spend the day with her, he makes up these lame excuses about why he can't come. So it winds up being myself, my parents, my nephew (Bob's son)...and no Bob. I know my mother's feelings are hurt, and after every holiday she talks to me, wondering why Bob never comes to our celebrations anymore, esp. since he lives only two miles away. I know that the truth would be very upsetting to her, so I give vague half-truth answers to her questions, and then I feel like I'm the liar. "Oh, Mom, you know how guys are when they don't have a wife to keep them in line." "Oh Mom, you know he has a lot of friends, and he's probably hanging out with them instead." blah blah blah. For Easter, he told her some story about feeling like he needed to "just get away," and I found out by snooping on Facebook that he had taken her and the kids to Disney World for spring break! :mad: But I have talked to him about this secret relationship in the past, and he said that he won't tell Mom anything unless she asks him outright...and I know she won't do this (probably because she is afraid of what his answer will be). So I'm stuck between half-lying to my mother vs. risking the relationship with my only brother by "outing" him. What can I do, besides pray? Advice, anyone?
And what's wrong with Jane, settling for a relationship with a man old enough to be her father, who is afraid/ashamed to take her to meet his parents?! :confused: I haven't actually met her myself, although I saw her with him at a concert once, too far away to do anything more than wave, and I can read her Facebook because she has the privacy settings so that friends-of-friends can see her page.