Damsels in Distress, Bozos in Heat

Here’s a review of the Spike and Lifetime networks & it is hilarious. I’ve never watched Spike but it is spot on about Lifetime (or the Men Are Dogs channel as I refer to it):

IN GAL LAND CRIME IS THE DOMINANT FEATURE OF LIFE. IN GUY LAND THE ONLY CRIME IS STUPIDITY.

Lifetime is big on original movies (it recently started a separate, movies-only channel), but a large proportion of those films work one basic plotline: a woman (sometimes with spouse and/or children) is in danger; is she intrepid enough to save herself? Description of “The Accidental Witness”: “A murderer goes after a female attorney when he thinks that she has witnessed one of his killings.” And “Break-In”: “What begins as a leisurely romantic honeymoon in a tropical paradise quickly turns into a tension-filled crisis as intruders break in during the middle of the night and take the honeymooners hostage.” You get the idea: In Gal Land you are never, ever safe.

You are never, ever safe in Guy Land either, but only because you’re not very bright. We learn this from one of Spike’s original shows, “1,000 Ways to Die,” which was introduced in spring 2008 and is still around. The title says it all: Each episode features dramatizations of real-life fatalities that were odd almost beyond imagining. A man driving drunk leans out the window to vomit just as the car is passing a mailbox; head and mailbox collide; head ends up on the ground. A drunk man in Honolulu tries to join in one of those twirling torch dances staged for tourists; he catches fire and burns to death as people applaud, thinking it’s part of the show.

And so on.
Actually I may have to check out Spike.

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