I’m worried about my relationship with my boyfriend of over 2 months who does not share my faith. But I am very scrupulous and tend to worry about everything, so some outside opinions will be very much appreciated. I am 20 years old and I’ve only had one other boyfriend that only lasted one month, so I pretty much have no idea what I’m doing. :eek:
I met this man during a musical we were in together where emotions are high. I had my first kiss with him after opening night. Part of me feels bad about that because I use to say I would save if first kiss for my wedding day (if I get married) and I was really strict with boundaries with my last boyfriend, so now I feel like a hypocrite. But then the another part of me thinks I was too strict before, and that I should lighten up a little otherwise it will be hard to find a relationship that works. But now I just don’t know where and how to set my standards. No sex is the obvious one, but what do I do when he wants to kiss me a lot, or cuddle, etc., which he pushes for a lot? I can’t say I don’t like these physical aspects, but I don’t really know if they’re acceptable or not, and there is still some burden on my conscience. I am a very shy and meek person, and I have a hard time communicating what I’m not okay with especially since he doesn’t share my faith and I’m afraid he won’t understand my reasoning. And I’m very bad with words, especially in person, so I’m afraid of saying something the wrong way. Should it be enough just to say when I’m just not comfortable with something? Though I asked him to stop something and he respected it at first, but then tried it again later and I didn’t know how to react. It makes me anxious that he keeps pushing my boundaries.
I really don’t want to lose him. I have let too many friendships grow apart, and I blame myself for bad communication. If I give up on what we have, I’ll feel like I failed because I didn’t try hard enough to make it work because I was too afraid to express my beliefs. I’ll feel like I gave up too easily. And he does have many wonderful qualities that help make me a better person. If I didn’t think so, I would not have cared enough to write this thread. He has been helping me break out of my comfort zone, which is good on levels of communication and holding on to relationships including reconnecting with old friends, but maybe not so good on the physical level. I know that he cares about how I’m feeling and he often asks me what’s on my mind. My problem is that sometimes I’m afraid to tell him what’s on my mind. He encourages me to do what I want despite what others, including himself, want me to do. Of course I still want him to be happy too and I don’t want to deny him the physical aspects in the relationship. I just don’t know where to draw the line, or how to tell him I’m uncomfortable with something without making him upset.
When I pray about my vocation, it’s still very fuzzy. I can picture a future with this man, but of course I have many things to be worried about such as the religious upbringing of children. We have talked about our beliefs and he said he believes religion and science do not have to be separate. At least I can say I agree with that, but I do not know a lot about his moral philosophy. Of course I pray for his conversion, but I love him either way. For a long time (around 5 years) I discerned religious life and I have visited a monastery and several convents. Though I thought they were wonderful, I don’t know if that’s the life for me. I had many doubts while I was there, but maybe I’m just being too picky again. And I really do not want to be single since I’m afraid I will too easily let relationships slip away again.
Please pray for me. And thank you for reading my story.