Dating a non-catholic Christian


#1

Hi! Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 8 months already.. She is non catholic Christian, she goes to alliance church here in moose jaw and she is very strong to her faith and church. I truly admire her faith but everytime our topic touches about faith and religion we always fight especially when we talk about our Blessed Mother, saints, purgatory, etc."everything that is not found in the bible " according to her. "Mary is just a human and a sinner nothing else." Honestly our relationship made my faith stronger because everytime we debate I often get trapped and can't answer her allegations about our Church. Then I go read the bible more, watch catholic shows more such as of Catholic Answers, One True Faith , etc. Because the more i dig deeper about the Truth the more I learn about the fullness of Christian Faith which is the Catholic Faith. Now, recently I have gotten a debate with her but all she says is that she will never convert to catholicism, and I told her that "it is not for me but for her salvation." Then just ignores me. I love her but these constant fights we have is just tearing our relationship apart. It is sad, sometimes i pray and ask God why do we need to have divisions of the Body of Christ? why? Please help me.

with Christ's love,
raphael


#2

[quote="rcporras, post:1, topic:253605"]
Hi! Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 8 months already.. She is non catholic Christian, she goes to alliance church here in moose jaw and she is very strong to her faith and church. I truly admire her faith but everytime our topic touches about faith and religion we always fight especially when we talk about our Blessed Mother, saints, purgatory, etc."everything that is not found in the bible " according to her. "Mary is just a human and a sinner nothing else." Honestly our relationship made my faith stronger because everytime we debate I often get trapped and can't answer her allegations about our Church. Then I go read the bible more, watch catholic shows more such as of Catholic Answers, One True Faith , etc. Because the more i dig deeper about the Truth the more I learn about the fullness of Christian Faith which is the Catholic Faith. Now, recently I have gotten a debate with her but all she says is that she will never convert to catholicism, and I told her that "it is not for me but for her salvation." Then just ignores me. I love her but these constant fights we have is just tearing our relationship apart. It is sad, sometimes i pray and ask God why do we need to have divisions of the Body of Christ? why? Please help me.

with Christ's love,
raphael

[/quote]

You should talk, not fight.
You should raise the subject but learn how to stop and be silent.
You should learn how to defend Catholic Faith without attacking her feelings
Youl'ld be patience for life is long and if you are together for 50 years, you have plenty of tim !!!!!!:D
You should not think on her salvation, for Christ came for everybody. She is in the good way.
You should discover what upsets her and do not touch her "red buttons".
You should lead by actions more than by words.
You should be together but accepting the differences.


#3

Don't date anyone- catholic or non-catholic.

Courtship is a much better means of finding a spouse that removes much of the temptation to sin that comes with dating.

Listen to this:

audiosancto.org/sermon/20040912-Dating-6th-and-9th-Commandments.html

That out of the way,

I'd be very cautious about courting someone who is openly hostile to the Catholic Church. Yes, you are being motivated to learn more about your faith right now- which is a very good thing, but the longer you stay in the relationship and more powerful attachment becomes, there will be greater pressure on you to compromise your faith because of that attachment.

The entire purpose of courtship is discerning marriage. If you are intent on marrying a Catholic, which you sound like you are with good reason, and she is intent on not becoming a Catholic, then the two of you are not compatible for marriage right now- putting aside any other possible issues.

I'd suggest, parting from her from now.

Reconsider the whole dating thing in general and think about what the sermon I linked to says. Also, reconsider your relationship with this girl in particular. Pray a lot.

Pax and God Bless.


#4

[quote="rcporras, post:1, topic:253605"]
....especially when we talk about our Blessed Mother, saints, purgatory, etc."everything that is not found in the bible " according to her.

with Christ's love,
raphael

[/quote]

All of these things are indeed in the Bible. Perhaps some are not in "her" Bible because many non-Catholic translations were editted and several books were removed in 1825. But if she doesn't find Mary in her Bible than I am quite suprised. Who did the Angel come to in Luke 1 in her translation? As far as Mary is the same as you or me, personally I can say that I never gave birth to God. I'm betting she hasn't either. And I've never had an Angel call me "You who has been filled with Grace" (and this is BEFORE the conception of our Lord in her womb). I know of no other human that was as close to our Lord as Mary.

Everything Catholic can be found in the Bible. Get her a copy of the Catholic Bible and point out that Maccabes II makes the concept of purgatory quite clear. Revelations speaks to Saints.

Just my 2 cents

God bless


#5

Well when my husband and I were dating I was a very devout Evangelical Fundamentalist and we would have heated debates about the same exact things. Over time I started to believe more and more teachings of the Roman Catholic Church and it got to the point where I wanted to come into full communion with the Roman Catholic Church. There is hope! I even got excommunicated from my old church over it.

Also remember, just because she isn't Roman Catholic, does not mean she cannot receive salvation. Saying something like that to her probably would make her feel like you do not recognize her as a Christian and would be very offensive and create more division. I know if my husband would have said that he was "worried for my salvation," while we were dating because I was not a Roman Catholic, I probably would have ended it right away and probably would have never come into full communion of the Church. We need to watch out as not to alienate these people in other groups even though they try to alienate those in the Roman Catholic Church.


#6

[quote="Myqyl, post:4, topic:253605"]
All of these things are indeed in the Bible. Perhaps some are not in "her" Bible because many non-Catholic translations were editted and several books were removed in 1825. But if she doesn't find Mary in her Bible than I am quite suprised. Who did the Angel come to in Luke 1 in her translation? As far as Mary is the same as you or me, personally I can say that I never gave birth to God. I'm betting she hasn't either. And I've never had an Angel call me "You who has been filled with Grace" (and this is BEFORE the conception of our Lord in her womb). I know of no other human that was as close to our Lord as Mary.

Everything Catholic can be found in the Bible. Get her a copy of the Catholic Bible and point out that Maccabes II makes the concept of purgatory quite clear. Revelations speaks to Saints.

Just my 2 cents

God bless

[/quote]

She has NIV. I have done that, explained that to her but her heart is still hard as a rock about the Catholic Faith. I still consider myself to be very patient of this relationship and try my best to not give up on her.


#7

Also remember, just because she isn't Roman Catholic, does not mean she cannot receive salvation. Saying something like that to her probably would make her feel like you do not recognize her as a Christian and would be very offensive and create more division. I know if my husband would have said that he was "worried for my salvation," while we were dating because I was not a Roman Catholic, I probably would have ended it right away and probably would have never come into full communion of the Church. We need to watch out as not to alienate these people in other groups even though they try to alienate those in the Roman Catholic Church.

I would charitably disagree with this. Concern for everyone's salvation should be on our minds, and being non-Catholic presents very real and serious obstacles to salvation. A very major one being Sacraments. Where would we be without the grace of the sacraments- particularly the Mass and Penance? We'd be in a lot of trouble and in great peril of hell. How we talk to people about salvation is indeed important as the goal is to bring folks into the church not drive them away. Love is kind and it is also honest. It may be hard for non-Catholics (and many Catholics) to hear the truth about sin and salvation, but it's something they do need to hear.

Pax.


#8

You would do well to pray and seriously ponder where this relationship is going.

If you marry and have children the arguments can continue and there will be confusion in the minds of the children, who need a stable home and a father who is spiritual leader in the family.

It is very painful to have a conversation with a non-Catholic who is steeped in all the misinformation they have been fed to them as they grew up. A one-sided conversation in which your explanations are dismissed, indicates she definitely does not respect your dignity as a person.


#9

[quote="Dorothy, post:8, topic:253605"]
You would do well to pray and seriously ponder where this relationship is going.

If you marry and have children the arguments can continue and there will be confusion in the minds of the children, who need a stable home and a father who is spiritual leader in the family.

[/quote]

I agree. At the most fundamental level, hostile disagreements must be solved way before marriage is considered. If they aren't, these issues become more divisive after marriage. Religious issues are among the worst kind of disagreements, since they are at the core of one's being.


#10

i dont know what to do.. I have been posting on my facebook wall, about truths of the catholic faith.. i have been showing to her how i am involved with our parish.. it is just so hard.. from these fights i don't really see us getting married and that really hurts me.. ::crying:


#11

Well, first of all, I have to say that I disagree with Dan Daly. Dating is not sinful, love is a great gift from God. You don't have to be married to fall in love. Dating does not necessarily lead into temptation; actually, dating is not, in any way, about doing anything against chastity, if that's what you was trying to mention. It's about having a good time with the one you love, like dining at a restaurant, going to the movie theatre or simply just going for a walk or having a long conversation. I can not understand how you find that wrong.

So, over to rcporras: the best thing you could do, I think, is to meet her with respect - and expect the same from her. I was talking with a pentecostal girl once, and pentecostal christians are usually very sceptic to the Catholic Church. But, we had a great dialogue where she learned me a lot about the pentecostal faith, and I learned her about the catholicism. That made her see that saints and relics* do *exist in the Bible, for instance. She didn't convert, but she became more comfortable with the catholic faith, and perhaps she'll discover it more later and go into full communion, future will show.

If you go the same way, perhaps you'll get her to first accept the Church, then get interrested and perhaps, later on, convert. But it's a process that'll take a long time, probably years, so be patient and pray a lot, ask for intercession and keep debating with her - but debate, not fight.

God bless you and your beloved girlfriend.


#12

[quote="rcporras, post:10, topic:253605"]
i dont know what to do.. I have been posting on my facebook wall, about truths of the catholic faith.. i have been showing to her how i am involved with our parish.. it is just so hard.. from these fights i don't really see us getting married and that really hurts me.. ::crying:

[/quote]

If it needs to come to that then just pray for the grace to go on and meet other people. Being active in your parish should help.

May the Lord be with you on your journey.


#13

This seems pretty similar to another situation I am aware of... a catholic guy posts on facebook and twitter articles/blog posts/things that explain the catholic faith and his protestant girlfriend won't read any of it for some reason...

May God Bless you rcp.


#14

Start your discussion with the bottom-line for any Christian: the Bible.

**Does your GF know that the New Testament is comprized of 27 of the Catholic Church's own writings? ** Probably not. Do you?

Buy her a little book, Where We Got the Bible by Henry Graham. It's available at Catholic Answers and Amazon. It's also available on line:

catholicapologetics.info/apologetics/protestantism/wbible.htm

Read it yourself, so you can argue the matter knowledgeably. Be able to defend your faith. If she refuses to read the book . . . save yourself a lifetime of pain for you and your children and say goodbye.

Two little books I also recommend are by Diane Moczar: Catholic History and Seven Lies About Catholic History, available here:

amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=diane+moczar&x=15&y=18

Jim Dandy


#15

[quote="rcporras, post:1, topic:253605"]
Hi! Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 8 months already.. She is non catholic Christian, she goes to alliance church here in moose jaw and she is very strong to her faith and church. I truly admire her faith but everytime our topic touches about faith and religion we always fight especially when we talk about our Blessed Mother, saints, purgatory, etc."everything that is not found in the bible " according to her. "Mary is just a human and a sinner nothing else." Honestly our relationship made my faith stronger because everytime we debate I often get trapped and can't answer her allegations about our Church. Then I go read the bible more, watch catholic shows more such as of Catholic Answers, One True Faith , etc. Because the more i dig deeper about the Truth the more I learn about the fullness of Christian Faith which is the Catholic Faith. Now, recently I have gotten a debate with her but all she says is that she will never convert to catholicism, and I told her that "it is not for me but for her salvation." Then just ignores me. I love her but these constant fights we have is just tearing our relationship apart. It is sad, sometimes i pray and ask God why do we need to have divisions of the Body of Christ? why? Please help me.

with Christ's love,
raphael

[/quote]

If you think the road is rocky now, just wait until you get married. You should think long and hard about whether you really would like to marry this girl. You must also realize that, like it or not, you [the rhetorical you] marry the one you date or court; you don't marry someone else.

After dating may young ladies over the course of about 15 years, I decided that I had tried my way and failed, so I put it in God's hands. I joined the Catholic Alumni Club [google], a national organization limited to those eligible for marriage in the Catholic Church. It worked; within two years I found the one I ultimately married.

I am not necessarily trying to sell the CAC, but it is worth looking in to. At a bare minimum, you should give yourself the benefit of dating others before deciding on whom to spend your life with.


#16

Sometimes “mixed” relationships can work. But both parties MUST accept the differences if one is not willing to change. I would hate to you take this to marriage and then find out that you just can not live with the anti-Catholic hostility. As previously mentioned, if you have children, the troubles are increased. You will (must) want to raise them Catholic, but she will most likely want them to be raised in her church. I have seen the non Catholic spouse agree to raise the children Catholic so the marriage can take place, but after the children are born refuse to allow them to be Baptized. It can get very ugly. I do think you really know if this relationship has a future. It is just difficult to face the reality. If your parish has a singles group, maybe you should look into that you might be pleasantly surprised.

I am not trying to say give up on this girl, I am just saying be very, very careful.


#17

[quote="Jim_Dandy, post:14, topic:253605"]
Start your discussion with the bottom-line for any Christian: the Bible.

**Does your GF know that the New Testament is comprized of 27 of the Catholic Church's own writings? ** Probably not. Do you?

Buy her a little book, Where We Got the Bible by Henry Graham. It's available at Catholic Answers and Amazon. It's also available on line:

catholicapologetics.info/apologetics/protestantism/wbible.htm

Read it yourself, so you can argue the matter knowledgeably. Be able to defend your faith. If she refuses to read the book . . . save yourself a lifetime of pain for you and your children and say goodbye.

Two little books I also recommend are by Diane Moczar: Catholic History and Seven Lies About Catholic History, available here:

amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=diane+moczar&x=15&y=18

Jim Dandy

[/quote]

Hi Jim,

At this moment, she just ignores me. I started our discussion about the bible since she is a very "Bible-ONLY" believing Christian. When I told her about it's history and she just shuts me up. I don't know.

thanks a lot everyone!


#18

[quote="Jim_Dandy, post:14, topic:253605"]
Start your discussion with the bottom-line for any Christian: the Bible.

**Does your GF know that the New Testament is comprized of 27 of the Catholic Church's own writings? ** Probably not. Do you?

Buy her a little book, Where We Got the Bible by Henry Graham. It's available at Catholic Answers and Amazon. It's also available on line:

[/quote]

Jim, not to take away from that content of that book, since I think it is a great little book, but a few protestants I've shared it with were completely turned off by what they saw as anti-protestant language and totally ignored the facts it presents... have you seen similar reactions to it?


#19

[quote="rcporras, post:17, topic:253605"]

At this moment, she just ignores me. I started our discussion about the bible since she is a very "Bible-ONLY" believing Christian. When I told her about it's history and she just shuts me up. I don't know.

[/quote]

The way you are describing things, I am afraid that some red flags are going up. She "ignores me" and "she just shuts me up" are troublesome indications and are not signs of a healthy relationship or good traits to find in a potential future spouse. Things can get 100x worse if you were to get married and still have these doctrinal differences. I am a child of a "mixed religions marriage" and even though I am married with my own children, the stresses and reprocusions from my parents' different religions still exist to this day. Don't forget about the in-laws either, as they can magnify any problems.

I am not trying to sound pessimistic (sorry if I do), but just want to caution you. Pray for her conversion by all means. I will pray for you and hope that things work out for the best.

:blessyou:


#20

I think you both need to make a decision to be kinder to each other during these discussions and try not to get so focused on defending your side and try more to share your beliefs in love rather than frustration and anger.

When I started dating my husband I was a OSAS Southern Baptist and very anti-Catholic. We did fight some, he really made me angry. But then he became kinder in his approach. We discussed things calmly. He showed me in the Bible and Catechism why exactly he believed what he did, and I showed him why I did. We decided to stop fighting and agree to disagree. As time went on though, I started to agree with him more and more and now there's no way I could ever go back to believing the Baptist faith, he led me to believing the teachings of the Church with his patience, knowledge of his faith, and by showing me what a strong relationship he had with God. Cause one big reason I was so anti-Catholic is because I thought it was impossible for them to really know God and thought none of them knew what the Bible said. Try focusing on what you agree on! Protestants are often surprised to find all the similarities in belief they have with Catholics. Best of luck to you. If she continues to be so hostile it might be wise to rethink the relationship...cause someone who loves you shouldn't need to always be right to feel good about themselves. Might be good to have a good long talk about the future to see if your plans, especially religious-wise, mesh up.


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