Dating a Non-Catholic?


#41

[quote="Suspicious_Mind, post:25, topic:200499"]
There's a contradiction within your own statements; most people agree that dating is for discerning marriage here apparently, that leaves some people who don't agree with that. Then you ask what is the point based on the majority interpretation...obviously the people who hold a different view wouldn't really be able to answer that flawed question.

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating without the intent to marry, get to know people, you don't have to be constantly ony the look out for finding someone to marry. Most people find 'the one' when they aren't acting all desperate and looking for marriage but just going with the flow and having fun, socializing.

See a pretty girl, ask her out, who cares if she's not Catholic or not.

[/quote]

There is no contradiction. I said that most people here would argue that dating is for discerning marriage. Then I asked this person (and you're free to answer as well) what the point of dating is if it's not to seek a spouse? In other words 'why do you date a girl?' It's not a desperation thing either, what it means is that if you know that this person could not possibly be the one that you would marry, then why are you wasting his/her time and yours? It doesn't make any sense. If you want to get to know people there are a variety of ways that don't involve exclusive dating.


#42

[quote="Redratfish, post:1, topic:200499"]
In a previous topic, it was mentioned that a Catholic should not date a Non-Catholic.

I find this to be dumb, and almost to the point of offensive. My dad was a non-Catholic before marrying my mom. If you agree to raise your children Catholic, and your spouse is fine with you being Catholic, (which if he isn't you probably wouldn't want not marry them), then why is is bad to marry a Non-Catholic?

[/quote]

It's not a sin to marry a non-Catholic. If it were, the Church would say it.


#43

Personally, I couldn't imagine spending my entire life with someone who disagreed with me on what I consider the most fundamental aspect of who I am.

Without a strong foundation built on shared faith, the whole structure is undermined. This isn't to say that interfaith marriages don't work - obviously posters here have said otherwise - but why start out a marriage with such a handicap?

As for marrying non-Christians, the Bible already warns us about this, so there's really no reason to delve further (in my opinion at least):

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18


#44

Actually that quote is referenced ALOT in the Baptist and Pentacostal Churches. I have never heard that as a life long Catholic. My Baptist grandmother was in remorse that her daughter was marrying a Catholic…and yes, this quote came up. My parents were married close to 50 yrs before dad passed away. And since when were Catholics “chaptered and versed” on exact Bible quotes? What I learned in the Bible, I learned from my Baptist grandmother, and when I went to services with a boy I dated who was Pentacostal. Oh, and through all that…I’m still Catholic. But I have “learned” from others and their style of worship.

Same journey…different paths.:smiley:


#45

In my opinion, Love is the most important thing. Love transcends all barriers. If the two people involved dearly love each other and are ready to live together as husband and wife then I don't see anything wrong with that. Marrying a Non-christian is even an opportunity for you to win a soul for Christ.


#46

Define “ready to live together as husband and wife”. Does it mean as a husband with a devout Catholic wife, or a wife with a devout Catholic husband? If it doesn’t, it is not likely anyone is going to be won for Christ.

“Love” is fine, but it can blind you to the fact that this person is going to render the Christian life exceedingly difficult for you to live.

We are not our own, but belong to Christ. If a non-Catholic or a non-Christian is willing to live with that, then a marriage may be permissible. It just depends, and it depends on more than whether or not the couple is in Love. This is why the Church doesn’t leave the decision 100% up to the couple. Permission depends on the Catholic party having a Catholic understanding of marriage and promising to raise children in the Church, and the non-Catholic party recognizing that this is going to happen.

I talked to a priest once on the topic of couples who come to him thus: the Catholic wants to marry in the church. The non-Catholic is willing to get married in the building, but wants nothing to do with the faith, wants their children to have nothing to do with the faith. The priest fairly asks the Catholic party this question: If you’re marrying someone outside the Church who is determined to raise your children outside the Church, why exactly do you want to exchange vows in a building belonging to the Church? What is it that you’re after, here?

Very often, the answer is “I want to appease my parents.” That is not a good enough reason to try to shoe-horn a non-Catholic into a Catholic marriage.


#47

[quote="1ke, post:36, topic:200499"]
Easter Joy, this simply isn't true. Read the canon. It states that marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic is **prohibited **without the express permission of the Bishop. A Catholic does NOT have a right to marry a non-Catholic. It is not a formality, it is not a "matter of course." It is a serious thing.

[/quote]

It is serious in the sense that the Catholic party needs to reaffirm their commitment to the Church and raising the children Catholic and the Protestant party needs to be aware of that. However it is a mere formality since permission is never denied.


#48

well its not " BAD" to marry a non-catholic. It’s just not “RECOMMENDABLE”. In serching for a spouse , you would always want someone with the same beliefs to avoid conflict in the future.


#49

I am currently (and have been for 5 years) dating a protestant. It seems like a long time to be dating (for both of us), but she still has 2 years left of school left. We are struggling immensely with this situation now. When we started dating neither of us were as strong in our faiths, and I didn’t really even think about the potential for conflict. She has been quite important in my growth as a Catholic and I don’t think it has hindered me until more recently.

Both of us want to get married (and would be now if not for the religion difference). But we know that we can’t/won’t until we could come to an agreement on how to raise our children (I will not sway from them being Catholic). When I learned about a year ago that most protestants allow some types of contraception I had a major panic, cause I figured all Christians only employed NFP, and only in serious situations. I brought up the subject and my worst fears were realized when I learned that she had been taught certain contraceptives were ok. We had a very long (somewhat awkward) talk, which scared her, but I left her with some sites to look at, verses to read, and things to think about. Month or so later we are on the same page, and actually argued for NFP only against her Catholic roomate, so there is hope:thumbsup:.

Still, it has been very difficult, I am meeting with her Pastor to discuss some of the main conflicts with our religions. She often gets upset and flustered when I try to discuss with her. If I could do it all over again, I would choose her every time. But, If I could have given myself advice, I would’ve said to look for a Catholic.


#50

[quote="NewEnglandPries, post:47, topic:200499"]
However it is a mere formality since permission is never denied.

[/quote]

This is not a true statement.


#51

I have some strong feelings on this issue due to the situation that has arisen in my family. My parents both married as protestants and they raised us mostly in baptist churches. Then in 1999, I became a Catholic and my dad started to get interested in the Church so he studied. Eventually in 2001, he also became a Catholic to be followed by my brother in 2006, I believe. Sadly, my mom never took any of this well. She claims she isn’t anti-Catholic but the things that she has said and some of her actions over the years is that she is so there is a permanent rift between my parents. Even though all of us are adults, it still effects us. My other two sibings became Lutheran and married Lutherans so my mom is the only baptist left in the family.

I oppose marrying outside of the faith. Granted, there are exceptions where there is agreement like some of the examples that other posters have pointed out but it is important for a marriage to be on the same sheet of music, especially when it comes to the Faith. Sadly this also means that many Catholics wouldn’t be suitable to marry due to the fact that many of them don’t know their faith at all. Granted, that can change but considering how difficult marriage is, I think its best to marry someone who is going to have the same religious beliefs as you. When it comes to other issues, sure there can be many differences and they often are.


#52

[quote="1ke, post:50, topic:200499"]
This is not a true statement.

[/quote]

Do you have any statistics on how many dispensations from disparity of cult are given and denied? It seems very much like a formality from what I see because most of the people I know with a dispensation never even realized they received one.


#53

My question is, What about what GOD wants? I don’t care who wants to claim otherwise, God wanted me to marry my husband. He is Catholic, I am not. We are a rare mixed marriage that works, and works well.

I understand we are an oddity, our entire marriage is an oddity. But it is what God arranged. It was part of his plan or it would have never worked.

I met my husband three years before our marriage at a mutual friends wedding. We hated each other immediately. I didn’t see or hear from him again for three years. That same mutual friend mentioned they were stationed near him. I still hated him, he still hated me. Later I had dream/vision/thought that we were suppose to marry. That very same day, My now- husband expressed to our mutual friend that for some reason, he thought we were suppose to marry. We were engaged two weeks later… Married two months after that*. (Yes, I know… it’s now a valid and sacramental marriage) My point is, we went from hating each other to engaged in two weeks because God made it obvious to both of us that we were suppose to be together.

I was raised a devout Baptist, he was raised a not very good Catholic. I insisted our kids be raised Baptist and he agreed. (I’m sure, at the time if he hadn’t agreed, I would have convinced myself it was the devil arranging our marriage instead of God. Thankfully, God is smarter than me.)

We started our married lives faithfully attending my Baptist Church.

What changed? I didn’t want to use artificial birth control. I convinced him to go to a CCL class with me. He was against it but I pulled the “you’re Catholic” card, you’re Catholic, it’s Catholic… just come!. He did. He fell in love with Janet Smith’s “Contraception Why Not” And that was the beginning of the end of our stint in the Baptist church.

I’ll admit, when it became obvious he was reverting back to the Catholic faith, I felt betrayed and lied to, that lasted all of about 15 seconds. He was my husband. He was God’s plan for me and God must have had our future in mind when he brought us together. It wasn’t an immediate thing, we went from him attending Mass and then going to church with me, to both of us attending Mass and then going to the Baptist church, to now, we only go to Mass together, with our three children. (The fourth due to arrive in Dec.)

There is so much more to our story… but again they point is, it wasn’t about him being Catholic, and me being a devout Baptist. It was about God’s plan for our lives. I just think we need to make sure we consult Him in these decision… or listen to Him when he decided to talk to us. The whole, I will only marry a Catholic, is a great plan… but what if it isn’t God plan? Just asking!


#54

If the Catholic party has signed the statement agreeing to raise the children Catholic, the nonCatholic party has raised no objections, and they attend marriage prep then no bishop will deny permission in the United States. In fact, the bishop doesn’t even see it, other people rubber stamp that kind of paperwork…


#55

[quote="Mayita30, post:48, topic:200499"]
well its not " BAD" to marry a non-catholic. It's just not "RECOMMENDABLE". In serching for a spouse , you would always want someone with the same beliefs to avoid conflict in the future.

[/quote]

Who is it not recommended by? Give me a break. There is nothing wrong with dating and marrying non-Catholics.


#56

[quote="Aggiornamento, post:55, topic:200499"]
Who is it not recommended by?

[/quote]

Um, by the Church.

Catholics are prohibited from marrying non-Catholics except by permission from the Bishop.

[quote="Aggiornamento, post:55, topic:200499"]
There is nothing wrong with dating and marrying non-Catholics.

[/quote]

There is a lot wrong with marrying a non-Catholic, as the Church has always proclaimed and even considered it so problematic as to forbid it except by permission of the Bishop.


#57

[quote="1ke, post:56, topic:200499"]
Um, by the Church.

Catholics are prohibited from marrying non-Catholics except by permission from the Bishop.

There is a lot wrong with marrying a non-Catholic, as the Church has always proclaimed and even considered it so problematic as to forbid it except by permission of the Bishop.

[/quote]

That is a holdover and is now routine, as NewEnglandPriest said. The Bishop is not involved, just an "official" who stamps the form.

Love is not defined by human limitations, because God is Love and when we Love one another, we Love God.


#58

Wow, I cannot believe some of the responses on this thread.

I thank God everyday that my husband chose me to marry even though I had never even stepped foot in a Catholic Church until we started dating. I was the only non-Catholic in the whole immediate family (which was about 28 at that time). My husband loved me, saw good in me, and I am sure prayed everyday for my conversion though he never pressured or even asked me to. I did decide on my own a few years after we were married to convert and now I am teaching him about his faith :slight_smile:

I think that we should never forget the influence that a Catholic can have on others. Instead of running from non-Catholics we need to be present to them. You never know what you can do for someone else’s life. I know mine is so much better because my Catholic family took me in with open arms and my eyes were opened.


#59

[quote="Aggiornamento, post:57, topic:200499"]
That is a holdover and is now routine, as NewEnglandPriest said. The Bishop is not involved, just an "official" who stamps the form.

Love is not defined by human limitations, because God is Love and when we Love one another, we Love God.

[/quote]

Some prefer living in the past. My parents (mixed marriage) were married for close to 50 yrs.

My brother married a non Catholic in 1990........they are still married. It is a "formality". The Bishops desk would be loaded with papers to sign........in the Diocese of Charleston as there are more Protestants than Catholics.

My sister married a non Catholic in 1981...they are still married.

I would like to see a "list".......from Bishops who have not granted this.

My own dad in 1956, told his priest...."if you will not marry us in the Church, we will marry in her Church".... Next thing you know.....my parents were married in the Church. Go figure....and they weren't married by the priest who pitched a fit either....and made their lives miserable for about a month. My mother had never witnessed such hatefulness by this priest upon their meeting. He was yelling at my father and yelling at her.

Fast forward...My sister in law was received by our parish priest with open arms and an open heart. All the horror stories my sis in law heard about the Catholic Church were dismissed.

To hear some on these boards....living in the 1950's was ideal.


#60

[quote="Julianna, post:59, topic:200499"]
Some prefer living in the past. My parents (mixed marriage) were married for close to 50 yrs.

My brother married a non Catholic in 1990........they are still married. It is a "formality". The Bishops desk would be loaded with papers to sign........in the Diocese of Charleston as there are more Protestants than Catholics.

My sister married a non Catholic in 1981...they are still married.

I would like to see a "list".......from Bishops who have not granted this.

My own dad in 1956, told his priest...."if you will not marry us in the Church, we will marry in her Church".... Next thing you know.....my parents were married in the Church. Go figure....and they weren't married by the priest who pitched a fit either....and made their lives miserable for about a month. My mother had never witnessed such hatefulness by this priest upon their meeting. He was yelling at my father and yelling at her.

Fast forward...My sister in law was received by our parish priest with open arms and an open heart. All the horror stories my sis in law heard about the Catholic Church were dismissed.

To hear some on these boards....living in the 1950's was ideal.

[/quote]

I think that some people just need a group to hate or feel superior to, as they are insecure about their own beliefs. We are all children of the same God.


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