I came across this website while looking for help regarding interfaith dating.
I am a Catholic who has been brought up in a strict Catholic family. I would consider myself very devout also, due to the fact that I have attended Catholic schools all my life and go to Church every Sunday. But I just started college this year and fell in love with an atheist man. At first, it was supposed to be a casual dating situation, but it turned into something much more; I’m in love!
As I’ve mentioned, he’s an atheist, so we RARELY agree on religious issues. He COMPLETELY respects my religious views, and has never insulted me on my faith (except for when he’s just teasing me - we like to tease each other on our faith differences). Also, I like discussing with him the difference of our beliefs because it has made me more confident about myself and my background. So these things aren’t really a problem.
I have a two-part problem:
We had pre-marital sexual relations (which I know is a sin). As an atheist, he has no problem with pre-marital sex, and as things got more serious, I suddenly found myself not a virgin anymore. I don’t regret that I had sex with him because I do love him, but I do feel bad that I have sinned (that I regret). I feel confused, especially since he always asks how sex could be a sin if we both love each other and aren’t hurting anyone. What’s worse is that though I know that it’s a sin, I still feel tempted to do it again. I want to do it again, but I don’t want to sin. This has caused many sleepless nights and worry.
But the worse part of this problem is what he said. He said that in a relationship, he believes in The Triangular Theory of Love, which states that a solid romantic relationship must have intimacy, passion, and commitment. He believes that passion includes having sex. I told him that I understand his belief in this, but I don’t understand why he needs this to be fulfilled before marriage. He said that before marriage, he wanted to be sure that the marriage would work (he would be able to tell through this solid triangle). And when I told him that I might not be able to have sex with him again, I asked if he would stay with me. He said that he could guarantee a whole year, but he wasn’t sure if he would be able to stay with me after that. He said that he wasn’t sure if he could go out with me any longer without fulfilling that third point in the triangle. But he said that he’ll try because he loves me. I appreciate and love that he’s being completely honest with me, but I felt discouraged at that.
I love this man so much, and I really don’t want our relationship to end. I’ve been up at nights and crying because I worry over it. Every time I talk to him, he is able to comfort me, but he said that he’s getting frustrated because it seems that I want sex, but I quickly change my mind. These two opposing wants (the want of sex, the want of not sinning) are killing me! I don’t know what to do. And I don’t want to stop dating him!
I would appreciate anyone’s advice because I am at a loss. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared. Please, if you can’t give advice, pray for me, because I need it!
Thank you, and sorry for the long post!