Dating and Emotional Chastity


I just started dating a girl and feel that I am falling for her quickly. We are both devout Catholic and have a lot in common. I feel that I am in a place to date. I took 2 years off from dating during my last years of college, but now have an income and feel vocationally called to date. She is in a similar situation. Our relationship is somewhat long-distance. We can drive to see each other on weekends, but during the week work is a priority for both of us. We’ve been dating about a month but knew each other before as friends, just so everyone gets the perspective.

Everything is going great, I can’t complain about anything, my major problem is with my own thoughts. I am so awed by how much grace this girl has that I want to win her over. I often day dream about our next date, cute things to do for her, replaying conversations we’ve had in my head. I always feel like I’m being myself and know I’m treating her as a lady, but don’t like the highs and lows I’m having. I also feel like I’ll put a lot of emphasis on text messages we exchange during the day. If she is upbeat I’m happy in writing then I generally am, but if we are talking about something serious or conversation lulls a bit, I find my moods changing. Sometimes I worry that I said the wrong thing, am reaching out too frequently… the whole ‘am I doing this or that right’ and I don’t want these fears to take over and affect my friendship with her. I know I can’t stop God’s plan and would be happy if someone better comes along for her and me, but want some advice if anyone has been in a similar situation during the beginning stages of dating.

I’ve been praying daily for emotional chastity, my future spouse, her future spouse, and giving up my dreams to God so he can put our friendship in His hands. Today during prayer I had felt a strong push to post on these forums for advice. If anyone has any to calm my mind during the occasional ‘dark period of worrying’ let me know.


You are in a good spot for dating. It is still fretful though. I don’t see anything out of the ordinary or unhealthy based on what you said. Good Luck! :thumbsup:


Little insecurities like that can be hard to deal with. If you feel that you are reaching out too much, try finding time to focus on yourself or hang out with friends. It’s important to have a life outside the relationship so you aren’t so cooped up and focused on the little things like that. If possible, you could try opening up to her about it. Who knows, she might feel the same way and be dealing with the same things. I find it interesting that you felt a push to post your problem on this particular website. Maybe the Holy Spirit is guiding you to someone who can help you? But yeah, prayer is a must. Can never go wrong with more prayer. In any case, you met this girl by no accident. All things are part of God’s will, you just have to wait and see where he’s leading you.


:thumbsup: My thoughts exactly.

You don’t need to know what each other are doing all the time, every hour or so, or all throughout the day. Also, instead of texting all the time, perhaps just calling her once a day at the end of the day would be sufficient?


Stop praying and just listen to what your body and mind are telling you!


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